Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
Ilikealltings · 12/07/2026 20:28

No thank you. You know this is not right.

Ilikealltings · 12/07/2026 20:28

Also, how is this funny? It's a threat

deadinthehead · 12/07/2026 20:28

Leave now, don't wait. It sounds as if he is breaking down boundaries with you.

AnonymityAnonymity · 12/07/2026 20:29

Please leave this man.
He sounds very dangerous.

MyCatIsAnAeroplane · 12/07/2026 20:29

I don’t think I have ever read anything quite as chilling as this on here. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

If it is just you and him I would genuinely be considering leaving tonight and definitely logging the incident with the police. Let someone else IRL know what happened and get out.

TheClocksFast · 12/07/2026 20:30

Agreeing with PPs. So sorry this has happened to you.

plsbekinddelicate · 12/07/2026 20:31

This isn’t funny and you are not overreacting. How long have you been together? Do you live together? Have there been any other “jokes” that push boundaries? I would strongly recommend you consider Claire’s Law and an exit plan.

HotWheel5 · 12/07/2026 20:31

I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm

Don’t ignore this feeling. It’s likely 100% spot on. Do you have DC with this man?

Shhhhitsmagic · 12/07/2026 20:32

Do you live with him? You must get away from him ASAP. Don't wait around to find out what comes next

AnyDayNowChuckJacksonNSoul · 12/07/2026 20:32

No wonder you're upset..very disturbing behaviour no doubt influenced by porn he's been viewing

60degreecycle · 12/07/2026 20:33

I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.

What you need to do is the thing you can't bring yourself to do, which is
"tell any family or friends about it."

Do you have children, and what is your housing situation, how long have you been together.

Devilsmommy · 12/07/2026 20:34

You know in your heart this is all kinds of wrong. That wouldn't be funny in any circumstances. As a pp said he's breaking down boundaries with you. Leave before he starts really doing heinous things to you

NameChangeAgain48 · 12/07/2026 20:38

Fuck that. You need to leave. Its not funny. Its threatening. Your life and safety is more important than a man/ relationship.

Pearlstillsinging · 12/07/2026 20:41

If I were you I would just pick up my handbag with essentials tucked in and leave. When you are safely with a friend or relative and have confided in them, text him that you won't be back tonight. Let the police know and take their advice. Remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. His actions are simply not funny, no matter how you look at it.

whippersnapper55 · 12/07/2026 20:42

Any man who thinks it's funny to put a ligature around your neck and tighten it is someone you want to get very far away from and stay away.

MurunBuchstansangursCousinRossiter · 12/07/2026 20:43

I’m sorry about whatever happened to you to cause you to question whether this was ok.

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:43

Thank you so much for all your comments.
we have lived together for almost 3 years in a house we jointly own. He’s never shown any violence towards me before, but he has said things in the past to humiliate me and made me feel not good enough. I know that’s where it starts. People should never ignore red flags, but I think that’s exactly what I have done 😭
I have 2 children but they are not his.
He works night shifts so I have tonight to collect my thoughts and figure out a plan

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/07/2026 20:44

My ex used to strangle me.

He also did the thing where he’d pretend not to know why I was upset.

Please leave him. Please.

LeebLeefuhLurve · 12/07/2026 20:44

Please get away as quickly and as safely as you can from this sadistic lunatic. He put a ligature around your neck, he is 'testing the fence' - don't wait around for this to escalate - because it will.

pikkumyy77 · 12/07/2026 20:46

Thank you for posting this. Its the first step to recognizing the danger you are in. There is no way to sugar coat it your partner is exhibiting ery, very, dangerous behaviors and they can not be dismissed as “just joking.” These are very disturbing acts of aggression that are “masked” as impulsive or silly or funny but which are just the beginning of overt violence.

Please read “The Gift of Fear” but only after you have left. Tell friends and family and get out. Don’t negotiate with him just say to yourself “this is unacceptable and I do not accept it.”

category12 · 12/07/2026 20:47

Strangulation is a major predictor of lethal violence in domestic abuse. Take it very very seriously.

JacknDiane · 12/07/2026 20:49

Run a fucking mile @Tim3toputmys3lffirst

istherereallytimeforallthat · 12/07/2026 20:49

He thinks it is funny to pretend he was going to kill you?

That man is seriously dangerous, and you need to get away from him asap. Please tell your family and friends - they will be equally horrified at what he's done and they will protect you from him. You really must ask the police for a Clare's Law report on him, and tell the police why you are asking. For God's sake don't let him know.

RainbowLife · 12/07/2026 20:50

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:43

Thank you so much for all your comments.
we have lived together for almost 3 years in a house we jointly own. He’s never shown any violence towards me before, but he has said things in the past to humiliate me and made me feel not good enough. I know that’s where it starts. People should never ignore red flags, but I think that’s exactly what I have done 😭
I have 2 children but they are not his.
He works night shifts so I have tonight to collect my thoughts and figure out a plan

Go now, really hide. Phone a helpline.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

When I was seriously threatened it was the thought of my daughter that made me realise the boundary had been crossed.

NoisyMonster678 · 12/07/2026 20:50

LTB

Inform the police