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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/07/2026 21:22

Phone the police if you have not already done so and tell them what you have told us. Look into obtaining both non molestation and occupation orders against him: the police and a solicitor will help. What he did was a crime. He calling what he did funny is chilling. Your safety is of paramount importance and concern here.

You have taken a small but important step in getting away from your abuser by writing about this on here. Abuse thrives on secrecy and he likely targeted you deliberately because you are a single parent. He has been testing your boundaries throughout and found them to be wanting. Tonight was a further escalation of his abuse towards you and in turn your dc. They are not safe enough to be around him either.

Your relationship now with him is over and you are not done rehab centre for such a badly raised man.
The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Bonkers1966 · 12/07/2026 21:23

He is an ignorant dangerous fuck.

ChaToilLeam · 12/07/2026 21:23

Please, tell a friend or family member and get support for you and the children to leave. This man is dangerous.

Lesina · 12/07/2026 21:23

You phone the police and report an assault and you leave. Can you get to a place of safety now?

AnyDayNowChuckJacksonNSoul · 12/07/2026 21:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mumumental · 12/07/2026 21:25

Perhaps, horrifically, he finds it exciting rather than funny.

AnyDayNowChuckJacksonNSoul · 12/07/2026 21:27

MissyB1 · 12/07/2026 21:10

Please let us know that you are getting yourself and the kids to safety. You can’t stay with him, he will escalate. Phone a family member and tell them what happened. Make an escape plan asap.

Apologies Missy b1..wrong thread sorry.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/07/2026 21:27

OP you need to call the police snd get him removed. He could kill you.

AngelinaJoyless · 12/07/2026 21:27

I dont want to add pressure to you, but I do hope you are taking immediate steps to make yourself and your DC safe. Please try and let us know you are safely away/supported, if you are able. You have recognised that this behaviour was not OK, so please listen to your instincts on this. I wish you well 💐

Nn9011 · 12/07/2026 21:28

As others have said this is absolutely not ok and is very concerning. I don't want to scare you but one of the most common risk factors for a woman to be killed by her partner is if she has been strangled previously.
This was a test for how you will react, what boundaries can be pushed and what can be gotten away with.
If you haven't please contact women's aid and your family asap.

nocoolnamesleft · 12/07/2026 21:28

Get out before he kills you.

Duvetdayneeded · 12/07/2026 21:30

Leave him

SallyDraperGetInHere · 12/07/2026 21:33

I would be gone out of there so fast.

cbbo · 12/07/2026 21:34

Do Claire’s law on him find out his past

Happyhappyday · 12/07/2026 21:37

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:43

Thank you so much for all your comments.
we have lived together for almost 3 years in a house we jointly own. He’s never shown any violence towards me before, but he has said things in the past to humiliate me and made me feel not good enough. I know that’s where it starts. People should never ignore red flags, but I think that’s exactly what I have done 😭
I have 2 children but they are not his.
He works night shifts so I have tonight to collect my thoughts and figure out a plan

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst highly recommend you read No Visible Bruises. The fuckers who strangle you are the fuckers who kill you. You need to make a plan to leave immediately. And tell some people you trust about it ASAP.

Morepositivemum · 12/07/2026 21:40

Contact family, get out and as someone said tell the police

thisfilmisboring123 · 12/07/2026 21:40

No, no and no.

That would be the end for me and I wouldn’t look back- no chance.

Who in their right mind would find that funny?!
And then when they saw your reaction, sort of act like it’s a you issue.

LondonLass2026 · 12/07/2026 21:43

He's off his head. Does he realise you could call the police on him for this assault? Yes, assault.

This is one of the worst things I've read on here.

SoLateToTheParty · 12/07/2026 21:47

I’m really sorry this has happened.

Start of something serious as your instinct says, leave without saying a word and block him, don’t let him know anything about your new life and yes like the other suggest perhaps contacting Womens Aid/ police

allthingsinmoderation · 12/07/2026 22:00

RUN ,run for the hills, seriously!

Optimisticdramalarma · 12/07/2026 22:00

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/07/2026 20:44

My ex used to strangle me.

He also did the thing where he’d pretend not to know why I was upset.

Please leave him. Please.

Same here,I made it clear i hated it and he'd just laugh it off and gaslight me

And when I put my foot firmly down and said 'no more or I'm going to the police' all i got back was 'fuck off,you enjoyed it'

I really wish I'd taken those texts to the police-i didn't enjoy it,it scared the hell out of me

If I'd died,my name would have appeared in the same sentence as 'sex game gone wrong' and he would have most likely got away with it

(And if he'd 'only' half killed me and left me brain damaged,he sure as hell wouldn't have stuck around to help care for me)

Please line the mumsnet ducks up and leave him-ring women's aid and the police

There is help out there,you don't have to live in fear

My ex is still telling people enjoyed it and only got 'funny' about it once we'd broken up-utter bollocks,it was him soaked in porn and him being a nasty bastard,he knew he was bigger than me and could do what he liked-it was power and control

I looked him up once,years ago on fb-his new girlfriend has that same haunted look in her eyes that I used to have

Ophy83 · 12/07/2026 22:02

NoisyMonster678 · 12/07/2026 20:50

LTB

Inform the police

Exactly this. Keep yourself safe, your kids need you.

Heretohelp1111 · 12/07/2026 22:02

As a starting point contact the police and ask for a Claire’s law disclosure. It might give you some information you didn’t have before but they’ll also help with referrals to the relevant agencies.

Shufflebumnessie · 12/07/2026 22:02

He has shown you who he really is and his thought process. Believe what his actions are telling you! The humiliation was bad enough but he's now expanding his boundaries. Take notice of the red flags he waving in your face, trust your gut feeling and if you don't leave the relationship for yourself, leave it for the sake of your children.
I'm sorry this has happened, it must be extremely shocking & upsetting for you Flowers

C152 · 12/07/2026 22:08

That isn't in any way normal OP, and you were lucky he stopped and didn't actually kill you right then.

It's not safe to stay with him. Do you have anywhere else you can go before he gets home from work, like a friend or relative's house? Pack your passports, birth certificates, housing info, all important documentation etc and take it to a friend/relative, even if you can't stay with them. If you don't have anyone to stay with, please call the National Domestic Abuse helpline for advice:

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

I also think you should call the police and report your partner. You need a formal record of what's happened.

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Are you experiencing domestic abuse? You are not alone. Find out how the National Domestic Abuse helpline can support you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk