Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

Well done. This is really brave of you. Time to let your parents help you out, forget your pride/fear of asking for help, you need their support right now.

Make sure they do not let him in, do not meet up with him or speak to him on the phone. They need to hear your side of the story not the narrative that he is going to spin them in order to get you back home and under his control.

Did you tell him by text? What was his response or did you turn your phone off before he did?

You have done a really difficult thing today, but more difficult now is staying away. Please do not let him sweet talk you and play the victim.

He threatened to rape you and carried out that threat. He is not a victim, he is a rapist. If you go back, it will happen again. Time to keep yourself and your children safe.

You are incredible Poet, truly incredible. What a courageous thing you did today and what a mum to have done something so hard to keep your children safe x

Oh well done! I hope you get a good night's sleep and he leaves you alone xxx

Well done :-)
Please think about getting signed off work for a few days with stress right now, partly because your definitely will quality, and secondly so he doesn't try to get to you at work and talk you round. Staying at your parents with them under strict instructions not to let you in is a much better idea right now.

I just caught your message and am so so relieved that you are away. I am glad you have turned your phone off. But mostly I am happy that you are safe and with people who truly love and care for you and your children.

I hope you sleep well, but dont be disheartened if you wake as it will take a little while for your body to let go and trust it is safe.

I ppray that this is the start of your new life, and although it may have its difficulties short term, and may seem overwhelming, the price for long term freedom for you all will be so worth it.

I'm really proud of how far you've come since your first thread, I think you're starting to see how bad it truly is and that you don't deserve it. Stay safe

I am so glad you are away. Hopefully you can engage with some counselling and with WA to get some advice and support. Take your time, the most important thing is you now have space but hopefully you can reach out for advice from WA when you feel ready.

I ve been following .
Am in complete awe of all of the kind, concerned, considerate and very knowledgeable posters on your thread who ve given you such wonderful support, strength and very good practical advice.
But most of all; so very well done to you for taking the action you have ,you re so very brave.
You re doing the right thing by yourself and your children.You should be proud of yourself.
Please don t go back.
💕

You are one hell of a woman and Mother to do such a brave thing.
A huge well done.
Keep on being strong.

Fantastic, well done. One step at a time.

This.
you are so much stronger and capable than you feel OP!
hope you have a peaceful night x

@ThisIsPinkPoet1

Congratulations, you've taken your first step.

Give yourself grace and time. You were wise to decide not to communicate with him. Keep it that way for as long as you need to. You need to build up the strength to resist his promises to change.

Be brave, be fearless. You can do this.

You asked earlier about a notes app. Individual notes within the iPhone Notes app can be locked. The notes remain locked in iCloud. Just be sure you choose a lock password that is NOT your Apple passcode or login password. Create a unique password to be your 'notes app' lock password.

I've locked notes before, it's really easy. At the top of a note is a small lock icon. Click and follow the simple instructions using your unique password. You'll use the same password for all locked notes. And you'll click the same icon to unlock and relock the notes.

What an amazing step, Poet. For what it's worth, there are dozens – hundreds? – of women here who are so proud of the growth you've achieved, and the strength you're showing. Well done!

If you can write something out for your mum, to give her the general facts, that might be the way to go – you can take your time, pick your disclosures carefully, and don't have to tell her face to face, which might also help her have time to compose herself, digest the information, and react helpfully.

As we say in NZ, kia kaha! Stay strong!

The next few weeks will be a roller coaster of relief and grief, anger at him and worry about him, being glad to be away in peace and freedom, and lonely and frightened about your future. So when you have a quiet moment, write down what you know – what he's done to you in terms of rapes and control, how he treats you and the kids, how unhappy, tense, and scared you were, etc, so you have that reminder of the facts when your feelings get confusing.

I’m so proud of you poet! Consider taking time off work and maybe keeping the kids off school. If you feel routine will be better for the kids maybe your parents can take them and pick them up? It’s also an idea to mention to the school that you or parents will collect them after school, incase he picks them up early xx

Well done Poet, you’ve done it. The spell is broken. I hope you managed to sleep well last night.

I think it's important your parents are aware of the seriousness of it all early today.Before he makes attempts to see/ speak with you or them.
If not all the facts ;enough that tells them they shouldn't t communicate with him.
He s b*sh** your parents before.
They need to know he's hurt you, damaged you and is a serious threat to both you and the kids.
Also very useful to keep a screenshot of all your posts on your threads ,you ve remembered quite a bit over the past few weeks.
It s important to keep up this momentum too.
So read and re read the harder ones ,as it ll give you strength.
Your on my mind and I m sending so much support to you.
If you were my daughter I d be hugging you and not letting you go 💕

If you need support with wherever your head is at PinkPoet you can share here. I think many people are happy that you’ve stepped away and it’s possible we can get carried away with what that means, but I can also see that your family - and he - has been told this is a break/you’re taking space, and no one has been told anything that doesn’t leave you room to pretend all is ok and to go back in a few days. Is part of you reluctant to tell your parents because if you do, it’s like taking your life as you know it to the point of no return?

Hoping you can have the thinking space you need now, and a therapy session this week? I think the events over the weekend are less of a red line perhaps, as everything and nothing can be a red line, it sounded more like a moment of clarity where you saw exactly who he is.

You can disable Notes sync in iCloud settings and lock Notes via Face ID, but you have to delete the old backup from iCloud. Even with sync re-enabled, any new notes should be encrypted in the cloud.

StandardNotes has app lock and individual note encryption but you have to create an account. You can import your notes too.

Notesnook is easy to use but its privacy mode and app lock is subscription only, needs an account as well.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but it's such a relief to hear you got yourself and kids to safety.

You took your kids out of there because there's no other option, and you may feel you can't tell your parents because you expect them to do the same and not let you go back.

Maybe you'd rather he tells you again he'll change so that this can be kept a secret and stay in the past. But you know he can't change, he's not even feeling remorse and he intends to do it over and over again. Maybe he even thinks he did you a favour telling you.

Anyone would rather choose any sliver of hope over the grief but sometimes there's the hard choice to make. Would you rather live 100 more days of fear for yourself and the children or 100 days of grieving where it gets a bit easier every week or 2 weeks? The former is just as certain as the latter. Enlist the people in your corner to fight for you, there are more than you know, and stay safe.

You can come back whatever happens OP. Nobody will judge you. Hopefully you're reaching out to real life support like the friend whom you trusted, Women's Aid and also confiding in your parents. I imagine your husband has not responded well to any of this, or if he has been silent that this will be part of a further, quieter manipulation too.

Have you heard from him? Are you working today or are you able to share something with your parents? They must also be wondering what's been happening too and be keen to support you.

Dear Poet, please don't feel like you can't come back here if things don't work out exactly as planned, there's no shame and we won't judge you. I really hope you and your children are still safe 💐

I think she’s just not posting because her phones off.

There is no pressure here PP. Just be safe xx

School won't stop him taking them.

Also, when you turn your phone back on OP, be prepared for hundreds of messages from him.

The love bombing will start in earnest, the crying, the promises, the fresh start, threats to self harm, etc.

All the standard script for the abuser, perfectly normal, perfectly predictable and of course, all lies. Just so that you are prepared.

I hope so.