Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

I think what @Mattressahoy has said here is vital.
When I read the Lundy Bancroft book it made aware that it’s very, very difficult to work through anything with abusive men.
The only positive (if there is one) is that there is a record he’s admitted to rape.
However, I should imagine he has yet to discuss throwing things, driving dangerously and intimidating his children? As a therapist would need to act on that.

Hearing that must have been very jarring as it is hearing the truth that he knew exactly what he had done despite all of his deflection and gaslighting. I’m so sorry for you that the one person that you should feel safe with is the one that makes you the most scared. It’s no life at all.

Genuinely the therapist that poet had also did and said some questionable things so I do wonder where these therapists are being found. But its alarming hearing a couples therapist is having a husband admit to rape multiple times and thinking that doesnt need reporting.

It honestly makes me question where these therapists are being found as both the individual therapist and now this couples therapist are concerning. The whole thing is crazy that there is now recorded proof this guy rapes his wife, knows thats what it is and they are all just chatting about it! These therapists need looking at too and reporting.

I would think a therapist would need to act on a man admitting raping his wife on multiple occasions too but apparently the therapists they see just brush over these things

I did a bit of research and apparently the therapist’s first thought is for the woman’s safety.
They aren’t bound straight away to report rape within a couple they are seeing.
However, they should report it to their supervisor and there are circumstances where the man could be reported.
However, as reported upthread by an actual therapist - and one with morals - pointed out, the therapist should not continue seeing them as a couple.
If, however, the mental abuse and intimidation of the minor children was reported, that’s a different issue altogether.
It is mad, isn’t it, that rape being reported in a therapy session is not an automatic safeguarding and/or legal issue.

It really is scary that professionals have apparently been told openly that he has raped her and are continuing to hold sessions for them as a couple.

Especially as it gives the abuser a chance to say ‘it can’t be that bad if they’re continuing to see us / if they haven’t reported it’ etc.

Except it IS that bad. He is still a rapist and poor Poet is now being medicated to mask the anxiety being caused by living with her rapist.

It’s so desperately sad and I hope someone can help at some point.

Plus the fact there are children in the home. My sister told her therapist about historical physical and sexual abuse from her ex that she'd never reported, and as the kids still saw him, her therapist made a safeguarding referral to social services. She told her she was going to do it (I think they have to tell the client first?).

I'm not sure I believe that there are multiple therapists who seem to work under different guidelines when they're told about someone being repeatedly raped, who this family seem to find.

I’m also very concerned that this therapist is listening to Poet’s H openly admitting to raping her and yet continuing with the sessions. I would have thought she would be expected to make a referral to SS about it in view of the fact that there are young children in the house who are at risk.

I think, as with PP's individual therapist events will have been very much watered down and minimised. The rapist will be saying he adores PP and finds her irresistible and both will be saying they want to stay together. Sorry to talk about you as if you're not here PinkPoet. I'm glad you posted, though your update is worrying.

I don't believe either or both PP and her husband have spken the word rape out aloud at these sessions, I think it is being dressed up as ' He is also having therapy for a possible sex addiction '

PP could barely ever type the word rape in her threads / posts, I doubt very much that the word has ever been uttered out of her mouth at these sessions.

As a psychotherapist I wholeheartedly agree.
please take serious serious note of this OP.

I am being 100% truthful about what’s been said but maybe not explaining it correctly.
my therapist with who I’m seeing individually is amazing and I feel really safe to share openly with her now. She knows everything. She has named it as sexual abuse but she knows she can’t push too hard or I will close down. She’s also recommended seeing the gp and other things. She’s said it will be hard to heal from the trauma while I’m still living with him, but she’s trying to help me build my confidence and self worth. I have noticed I am standing up to him more and calling out his behaviour.

The couples therapist knows what he has told her, as I’m still opening up and find it hard infront of him. She says I make excuses for his behaviour but he has been very honest. And yes he did use the word. I don’t believe it’s reportable , he didn’t seem worried about that and I’m sure he looked into it. I guess the honesty is a good thing as maybe it shows he does want to change?

I'm really glad your own therapist gets it and you feel safe there PP x

I'm not so sure, what is happening is that he can openly say he rapes you, not get reported, and carry on as he is. Basically he's being validated in his behaviour. I'm shocked.

What does your own therapist think of the couples counselling?

He might even be finding it exciting or arousing to talk about it. What a power trip for him. You know he enjoys humiliating you and now he has a captive audience.

I absolutely think this. And what better way for him to convince Poet that things haven’t been that bad than to have a counsellor agreeing to continue counselling them after he has confessed to knowingly raping her. I’m aghast. It’s horrific and he will be enjoying it.

I agree. It’s likely he finds it arousing and in the next stage of escalation things will ramp up again.

I am really struggling to comprehend a couples counselling session where the husband admits raping his wife and the sessions continue. For OPs physiological safety AND for their code of ethics.

I agree and its awful that if this therapist has had him say that he has raped her and actually used those words, its very much seeming like its acceptable rather than it being an arrestable offence. And honestly I would want that therapist reported because as you say, they are validating that behaviour and making it seem almost normal rather than criminal.

It infuriates me the thought of someone doing therapy with a couple and not doing anything on hearing this.

Also the fact that he has now said it out loud just confirms that he absolutely knows what he is doing and does it anyway, the man is vile and as people say, he is probably getting a kick out of talking about it.

Oh I absolutely believe he's getting off on talking about it to an audience while his victim sits passively next to him.

@ThisIsPinkPoetAgain

OK. So he has stated that he has raped you. But that's not the complete story is it? He hasn't simply had PiV 'intercourse' with you when you were unwilling, he has raped you with violence. IIRC he has pulled your hair back violently, he has put his hands on your throat, and I believe he has anally raped you. Has he told the therapist all that? Has he told her that he has pinned you down, forced your legs apart and touched your genitals against your will?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, lovely, but until he is 100% honest with the actual acts he has committed against you then you may as well light your money on fire and watch it burn.

I'm telling you this because you need to know it. I'm not expecting you to scream it aloud to the couples therapist (although I wish you would). I'm just telling you to make you realize that, in actuality, your H is doing jack shit as far as cooperating 100% with this counseling. The truth is not a flat circle, it is an orb. And he is showing the therapist only one side of that orb, the side he wants her to see.

I wish you so well, I really do. You have real value in this world and you deserve to shine.

He doesn’t want to change. What he’s doing in therapy is humiliating you because he knows you are traumatised. If he wanted to change he would stop raping and abusing you.
He loves having power and now he has an audience. It’s like voyeurism and it’s absolutely sickening.
If he really wanted to be honest he would walk into a police station and admit what he’s done but he’s far, far too clever for that.

The joint therapy sounds horrible. I cannot believe you are supposed to make yourself feel worse so he can feel “better”. Sickening is the right word @PetulaGordeno

Each new update from PP blows my mind.