Page 40 | Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

PinkPoetAgain1 · 2026-06-08T11:05:14+00:00

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

faial · 14/10/2026 10:57

My friend is a therapist who also used to volunteer as a therapist in a DA service and has friends who are couples therapists and I just don't believe this. IIRC Poet previously said several individual therapists suggested couples counselling despite (according to her) knowing about the rapes and now he's apparently using couples therapy to relive/retell the abuse in front of her and the therapist. For starters that's several unprofessional therapists - sure there are bad therapists out there but to run into 3 or 4 (or maybe it's 5 now) in a row is highly unlikely.

And for seconds, a couple of therapists on this thread have expressed skepticism that men can be counselled/therapied out of abusing women and my friend is also of this mindset which is based on more than 30 years experience as a therapist and also on not knowing any success stories. I may be wrong but I think when a partnership has been abusive the suggestion is that the relationship ends and the man works through "stuff" alone. There is no idea of "fixing the man" and then the relationship resuming. Too much bound up in unhealthy patterns of relating to each other and both would need to become completely different people, AIUI.

Either they are not being fully honest in therapy (which is a total waste of time and money) or something else is going on here.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 14/10/2026 11:46

Hi @PinkPoetAgain1

I agree with PP re what might be happening in the joint counselling sessions.

Really, I'm just popping on to say that we're on page 40 of this thread now. I have followed all your threads ...

Please do start a new one so that you can continue to get support on here as well as through your counsellor...

💐💐💐

anotheruser345 · 14/10/2026 12:16

faial · 14/10/2026 10:57

My friend is a therapist who also used to volunteer as a therapist in a DA service and has friends who are couples therapists and I just don't believe this. IIRC Poet previously said several individual therapists suggested couples counselling despite (according to her) knowing about the rapes and now he's apparently using couples therapy to relive/retell the abuse in front of her and the therapist. For starters that's several unprofessional therapists - sure there are bad therapists out there but to run into 3 or 4 (or maybe it's 5 now) in a row is highly unlikely.

And for seconds, a couple of therapists on this thread have expressed skepticism that men can be counselled/therapied out of abusing women and my friend is also of this mindset which is based on more than 30 years experience as a therapist and also on not knowing any success stories. I may be wrong but I think when a partnership has been abusive the suggestion is that the relationship ends and the man works through "stuff" alone. There is no idea of "fixing the man" and then the relationship resuming. Too much bound up in unhealthy patterns of relating to each other and both would need to become completely different people, AIUI.

Either they are not being fully honest in therapy (which is a total waste of time and money) or something else is going on here.

I agree with all of this. It seems there are some very questionable therapists and poet seems to have found them all.

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

anotheruser345 · 14/10/2026 12:16

I agree with all of this. It seems there are some very questionable therapists and poet seems to have found them all.

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I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

PetulaGordeno · 14/10/2026 12:59

Poet this therapist isn’t a friend. She’s a professional. It is unethical to see you as a couple after rape has been disclosed. You are viewing her almost as a mediator or but this is what is expected of her, following her professional ethical code.
He shouldn’t have two frightened women in a room with him.
I am very concerned he’s getting a kick from all this.

bigboykitty · 14/10/2026 13:10

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

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In answer to 'what do you expect her to do...' therapists are required to have difficult and sensitive conversations with clients and this is one of them. It's not optional. It's a requirement of professional registration and subscribing to a code of ethics. It's really not an option to say 'well I didn't mention that because it felt awkward'. In the interests of safety, sometimes it's better to do this individually and not with the couple. But there is a duty to say I can't continue to work with you because your H is raping you/abusing you. The therapist should signpost or refer to a DA/rape/sexual assault service. There is also a duty to safeguard children because domestic abuse and rape that happens when children live there, is a risk to the children. I know you don't accept this, but that's exactly how it is.

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2026 13:13

bigboykitty · 14/10/2026 13:10

In answer to 'what do you expect her to do...' therapists are required to have difficult and sensitive conversations with clients and this is one of them. It's not optional. It's a requirement of professional registration and subscribing to a code of ethics. It's really not an option to say 'well I didn't mention that because it felt awkward'. In the interests of safety, sometimes it's better to do this individually and not with the couple. But there is a duty to say I can't continue to work with you because your H is raping you/abusing you. The therapist should signpost or refer to a DA/rape/sexual assault service. There is also a duty to safeguard children because domestic abuse and rape that happens when children live there, is a risk to the children. I know you don't accept this, but that's exactly how it is.

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I agree with this. It is a risk to the children and the therapist should really be alerting SS about what’s going on. And she should be separately signposting Poet to Women’s Aid.

throwawayimplantchat · 14/10/2026 13:14

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

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Poet have you literally disclosed to the couples counsellor ‘he raped me while heavily pregnant’, ‘he has repeatedly raped me’, ‘he told me he knew he had raped me before and was trying to avoid doing it again’ etc?

Or have you and he said ‘sometimes he pushes me to have sex when I don’t want to’ which could be misunderstood or minimised in some way?

I’m trying to understand if you’ve really, honestly, clearly said to a couples counsellor that your husband has repeatedly raped you and that counsellor has continued to see you both in sessions as normal?

anotheruser345 · 14/10/2026 14:07

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

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If your husband has genuinely told her he has raped you multiple times, he has disclosed breaking the law. To me there is an ethical responsibility to either report this or at the very least stop giving this man a platform to essentially relive it and keep torturing you potentially with the details.

There are so many levels of this that are wrong and the therapist is the professional here and they should have guidelines to follow that I am incredibly confident are not carry on counselling a couple where one partner is being abused.

If nothing else is absolutely minimises what is repeated criminal behaviour and allows him an excuse to carry on with abuse.

Its very very concerning from the outside.

anotheruser345 · 14/10/2026 14:09

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2026 13:13

I agree with this. It is a risk to the children and the therapist should really be alerting SS about what’s going on. And she should be separately signposting Poet to Women’s Aid.

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Yes absolutely this, as a minimum they should be speaking with you alone and seeing just how safe you are, in my opinion she should stop seeing you as a couple and I would really hope she is highlighting this to someone as a safeguarding issue.

anotheruser345 · 14/10/2026 14:10

throwawayimplantchat · 14/10/2026 13:14

Poet have you literally disclosed to the couples counsellor ‘he raped me while heavily pregnant’, ‘he has repeatedly raped me’, ‘he told me he knew he had raped me before and was trying to avoid doing it again’ etc?

Or have you and he said ‘sometimes he pushes me to have sex when I don’t want to’ which could be misunderstood or minimised in some way?

I’m trying to understand if you’ve really, honestly, clearly said to a couples counsellor that your husband has repeatedly raped you and that counsellor has continued to see you both in sessions as normal?

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I do wonder how honest they have both been because if the things said here have been said, I genuinely am baffled this therapy as a couple is just carrying on.

Poet how honest have you both been? Has this all been minimised?

justalittlestarbucks · 14/10/2026 16:23

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

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Yep, that’s precisely what my couples’ therapist said after I told her that my husband had raped me. She said she would continue to see me but she couldn’t continue with him ‘as he has committed a crime’.

fuchsteufelswild · 14/10/2026 16:52

Sorry OP, he's not honest because he wants to change, he's honest because he knows you will never leave no matter what he does to you. He doesn't worry at all because he knows he's safe - you would never even dream of looking into rape being reportable out of denial.

I'm flabbergasted the therapist is even agreeing to it. If there's even so much as a hint of a possibility the counselling makes the dynamic of abuse worse, and that possibility is very high, then she should not be doing this.

Why did he suddenly agree to it OP when he previously said he doesn't want two women to team up on him? What made him change his mind?

OtterlyAstounding · 15/10/2026 10:24

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

Show quote history

I truly would expect a therapist to say that it's inappropriate and harmful - and impossible! - to provide relationship counselling and help a rapist and his victim to continue a romantic relationship.

It's like a stepfather and the stepdaughter he sexually abused for years going to family counselling to try to have a healthy relationship, because he knows it's wrong to keep abusing her, and he doesn't want to, and really, he loves her.

It's sick, and a responsible therapist would - I imagine - say that you each need therapy separately. Him to understand and regret what he's done (if it's possible, which I doubt), and you to understand and be angry about what he's done.

The relationship is a twisted mockery of marriage - it's been poisoned by him from the very beginning with his coercive control of you, his sexual 'boundary pushing' (aka assaults and rapes), his anger and outbursts, the way he's scared both you and the children, his exertion of his power over you (including the fact that you're so much younger and you now have 4 children to support - and he wanted you to have a 5th), his gaslighting, and more.

There's no turning this marriage into something healthy; it's a bloated corpse, and it's what your children are being taught is normal.

RS1987 · 17/10/2026 11:16

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 14/10/2026 12:48

I can see it looks odd but I think none of them have been bad. Maybe the first few I saw didn’t really ‘get’ what was happening because I was not fully honest and very closed off. It’s taken months for me to open up fully to my current therapist and that’s only because I feel like she really sees me and gets what’s going on without me having to explain over and over.

I am curious about the couples therapy and how so many have you have said she shouldn’t be seeing us. I understand it’s not recommended but what would you expect her to say in the circumstances after he admitted it. Just say , sorry, I can’t see you anymore now you’ve told me that?! I’m genuinely wondering. Maybe she thinks that will make him angry

Show quote history

Yes, they have a legal duty of care. If any abuse has happened in the relationship, they can’t continue to counsel as a couple.

RS1987 · 17/10/2026 11:19

2 parents, 2 therapists - that’s 4 adults fully aware of what’s going on and not one of them has done a thing to protect those children. I hope they get as far away as they can when they’re old enough and god bless any girls that get involved with the sons.

anotheruser345 · 17/10/2026 11:31

RS1987 · 17/10/2026 11:19

2 parents, 2 therapists - that’s 4 adults fully aware of what’s going on and not one of them has done a thing to protect those children. I hope they get as far away as they can when they’re old enough and god bless any girls that get involved with the sons.

There has been more than 1 individual therapist, they all seem to very much downplay things and not a single one has reported anything. You have to think that they are either all awful or its being massively downplayed.

SaltySpitoon · 17/10/2026 12:06

Hi PinkPoet, thanks for updating us and I'm glad you feel like things are improving. However, I have to agree with other posters. Has he actually admitted he has raped and sexually abused you? Or has he just said he has a high sex drive or he's a sex addict?

My brother is a therapist and he would not counsel a couple if there was abuse or one of them admitted to committing a crime against the other.

grapefruit100 · 17/10/2026 12:30

Hi Poet; I recommend this podcast with Laura Richards - Crime Analyst - Sleeping with the Enemy

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z32OmMIGWP0FEtSIRhdCs?si=Nah2QyUGR9ugYOdSwXuvkQ&utm_source=copy-link

can you make a new thread? I think there are still people who would like to support your journey

Ep 379 Sleeping with the Enemy: Profiling the Husband Who Drugged and Raped Zoe Watts, Part 1 

CrimeAnalyst · Episode

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z32OmMIGWP0FEtSIRhdCs?si=Nah2QyUGR9ugYOdSwXuvkQ&utm_source=copy-link