Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

I’m so sorry pink, it’s not a good idea to confide with your friend tonight. As she is your husbands friend too, it could make things very complicated. I’m worried about what may happen tonight or in the morning, his threat was real. Could you send your dad a discreet message and ask him to collect you and the children? You could say your mum is very unwell and your dad needs you or pretend one of the younger children is unwell? If this is too risky please go to your parents house once he is at
work. You can do this, we believe in you, stay strong xxx

Oh, dear Poet, my heart breaks for you and your children. I am thinking of you and really hope you are all safe. You do need to get away from him, as safely as you can 💐

he looks me straight in the eye and says ‘the issue is last time I felt like this I raped you and I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen again’

Well give the man a medal for trying not to rape his wife.

< slow hand clap >

Sending lots of love @PinkPoetAgain1. I hope your mum and dad can take care of you. It is what any loving parent would want to do xx

Thank you so much everyone for the support. I decided to stay up to watch the football and will go to bed after. That seemed safer. The little kids have gone to sleep in the other kids rooms so at least they are not in our room so that’s one thing.

He will be back at work Monday and I know he’s going in so I can call my mum and make arrangements to go when I pick them all up.

I know some of you want me to go sooner but I’m not brave enough to stage any kind of ‘escape’. The thought of that going wrong somehow is too scary. Also I don’t have his keys to his car

Good that the kids are safe tonight Poet, but I'm very worried that you won't be.

I think that’s sensible Poet, make a mental list of all the things you need to pack. Try and get birth certificates, passports, account details, child benefit paperwork. Any sentimental or valuable items then a bag for each of you x
Lay the foundations to throw him off the scent, talk about what you’re planning on cooking in the week, fake food poisoning or something tomorrow so you can keep your distance.
You have so much support here, Monday 9am is 34 hours away

I have been watching your threads from the start but have never commented as I don’t feel qualified to do so or to provide adequate advice. But please know that there are so many of us rooting for you and your children. Your husband is an unutterable horror, an abomination amongst men and a rapist, those things are true. You are clearly an amazing woman. I wish you all the best and hope you can free yourself and your children from your abuser. He is a dreadful human. He is incredibly dangerous. He should never be in a relationship ever. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you stay safe until Monday x.

Sending you much love x

I hope you are ok poet. You are in my thoughts this morning.

Thank you ❤️
last night he showed his true colours if he hadn’t already. Considering we went to be so late I woke up at some point in the night to him having sex with me from behind. I remember crying quietly and I might have said stop but I can’t be sure because it’s all blurry. he just said ‘nearly done’ and it was all over super quick. I do remember thinking let’s get it over with so I may not have said stop.

However it’s unsettling because according to my smart watch I was awake for 26mins at 2am , again at 3, 3.20, 3.40 for 10 mins each and an hour at 4am and before going back to sleep. And I’m not sure why or what was happening in that time

I will write all this down I’m just trying to process it and not freak out
we’re Here all day today as well going home this evening
He’s in a much ‘better’ mood now of course

Can anyone recommend a lockable notes app that’s not saved to the iphone like notes? I’m paranoid about it popping up in icloud

I’m sorry PinkPoet. I hope you’re as ok as you can be.

It looks the the Bright Sky app is recommended by WA for securely recording abuse, I’m not sure how it works but at least it’s secure, if you think he can’t monitor what apps you put on phone.

I can only hope this latest rape under someone else’s roof with everyone nearby has been enough for him this weekend and that you are safe until Monday. I sincerely hope that’s the last time he can ever do that to you. Good luck PinkPoet.

It sounds very concerning that you are not only being raped but possibly drugged?
If only you could go to the police this morning but I know right now that’s now what you are able to do.
Can you contact your mum today?

I’m so sorry pink poet, as YourOliveBalonz said the Bright Sky app seems to be the safest. You will need a secure email to send the notes. So maybe your close friend or therapist? Then your notes will need to be deleted as soon as you send them to the secure email. You’re right that it will be safer to leave for your parents on Monday when he is in work. Your brave and strong, you can do this xxx

I’m just popping the WA guidance on leaving safely here to help you prepare on Monday:
https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely/

I don’t want to go on and on about the police or next steps as it’s just about the next 24 hours now, but I wonder if your mum’s perspective (unlike us she also knows him) will give you some clarity there. He will do whatever he can to bring you back home (begging, apologising, threatening harm to himself…) and one of those things is the children. Monday evening might be sorted, a future weekday could see him leave work early and pick up the children himself, and the only thing that could prevent this are the measures the police can put in place. I’m just saying keep an open mind please and remember it’s not about punishing him, it’s about what you need to do to keep you and the children safe.

I’m so sorry, Poet, it all sounds horrendous. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. But there is an end in sight and you and your DC can finally be safe. ❤️🙏🏼

This has to be it now Poet. He threatened to rape you and then he did, again. You deserve much more than this. Can you try to get in touch with your parents today?

There are so many things that'll be liberating for you.

For example, even with the heatwave I bet you've been limiting when you've been naked/just in underwear around him. Bring on naked star fishing with the fan on, knowing you are totally safe.

Knowing if you need to take strong medicine you can, without balancing the risk of him using your sleepiness to rape you.

You'll (eventually) sleep better as your subconscious will finally get rest. In time I expect your migraines to be milder or go.

No being woken up (or not 😬) from him in the night demanding sex, means you will sleep for longer. You might feel more rested.

No longer walking on eggshells and managing the children's behaviour to avoid his outbursts.

The house will be calmer, less stressful etc.

Even aside from the obvious, you not being abused, there are likely so many restrictions you place.on yourself due to necessity and survival. It'll be hard, but also a journey of self discovery.

If you go through with leaving, and stay away, you'll never have to put up with what you have the last few days, again. Ever. That's liberating.

Best of luck.

I’m so sorry this happened again. You need to be really brave now - you’ve got to get you and your kids out of this. You can do it.

You deserve so much better than this, Poet. Get today over with.

Drop the children at school, nursery etc and go straight to your parents tomorrow morning. Don’t wait until later in the day. This will allow you to explain what’s been happening without all the children being around. It also gives your parents time to process before your husband returns from work.

Take passports, marriage certificate and any other official documents that you need. Don’t bother unpacking your overnight stuff tonight, just say you’re doing it tomorrow. Take that with you.

Make it a priority to call your local WA tomorrow from your parents. Take it from there.

Hope you can muster all your strength to do this. He will never change. His behaviour is criminal. You must keep safe.

If you can get all the kids in the car tomorrow without arousing suspicion, just drive them all to your parents. Don't take them to school, he might get suspicious and collect them early and school can't refuse him, legally.

Personally my children wouldn't return to school / nursery this term - exceptional circumstances as you cannot trust him not to snatch the children and hold them until you return to him.

And you can get your GP to sign you off work for x time due to ' stress '

I honestly think you need to go to the police Poet, choose you and the kids, you’ve got to get out but you are so much safer with support. Do you have therapy as normal scheduled for tomorrow?
I think you need to tell absolutely everything and then put it all in motion. Assume the kids are still at school. Use the day to gather and then go and collect them all early and go to your parents.

I’m so sorry, he really doesn’t care about you to act the way he does, that is no care for the children either. He is truly dangerous.

I tend to agree with FiloPasty. I know the thought of going to the police must be terrifying, but it’s not you ‘going nuclear’ - it’s him. He has been cruel and intimidating to the children, and he has just raped you (after explicitly threatening to), which is a very serious criminal offence. This marriage is going to end sooner or later, one way or another; surely it’s best for it to happen now before any more serious harm comes to you and your children. He doesn’t truly consider your feelings, ever (other than performatively to manipulate you to his own advantage) and it’s time for you to prioritise the safety and wellbeing of yourself and your children. But you need support, he really is dangerous.