Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

Oh poet, I'm so sorry. What an awful experience.
He knows what he's doing and the 'I'm trying not to do that again' is a warning that he will, if you don't try hard enough to 'stop' him (in his eyes - do whatever he wants).

Well looks like we’ll be up til goodness knows what time to watch it
Im thinking of just going to bed and not bothering

It felt like a threat/warning which I think I found so shocking. Then to see him literally shaking with rage and screaming at us the next day was even worse. Almost like this is what happens is I don’t have sex

Hes totally normal now

This was horrifying to read.
He is telling you he is a rapist now and threatening you with rape again.
And he is abusing your children now to a level where they can sense it.
They also sense what is happening to you.
I worry for you with this football because if the team wins he will want to celebrate and if they don’t he will be angry.
Please get yourself to your parents as soon as it is safe to do so.
I know your children deserve a dad but sadly they haven’t got a father and I can imagine at some point he could try and hurt them further in order to hurt you. He is already doing it. By screaming at them he knows it will also scare you and he’s happy to do so.
In a way these threads serve as a diary and I think it’s important.
He is a sick, twisted and dangerous man.

Poet, you know what you have to do. I worry for you that this will fade and you will carry on as normal but I don't see how you can now. He threatened to rape you. In plain terms he said 'Have sex with me on the sofa now or I will have to rape you soon'. No wonder you feel so shocked. Of course he's done it before but you've spent so long telling yourself he wasn't aware. And deep down I think you knew he was but he slipped and he actually said it. He is a very dangerous man.

When will he be in the office again? You kneed to safely make some preparations. You already did a safety plan with Women's Aid didn't you. I think it would be a good idea to loop your parents in early so they can help. Could you use WhatsApp disappearing messages to plan with them?

He’s normal now because he does these things in private to you with the aim of intimidating you/getting his own way. He wouldn’t want anyone else to see this behaviour. It is completely under his control, therefore he actually chooses to behave this way when you are alone. Don’t protect him from this any longer, he deserves to be seen for exactly what he is.

What's he like when he drinks? If he got utterly wasted, would that mean he'd be more likely to go through with his threat, or pass out drunk somewhere?

I know this is hard, but is the friends wife someone you could talk to, even if you normally wouldn't. You've got to find a way of making sure you aren't alone with him at the moment, and might need help with this.

I’m sending all my support. I was going to ask if your mum or dad might come and collect you and the kids while he’s watching footy? If he thinks you’re all in bed.

A calm controlled exit once you’re home prob makes more sense. Take care.

He doesn’t drink anymore. He gave up ‘for us’ when we had kids as he was a terribly aggressive drunk

I will try and get her alone but there are lots of us in the house . I just worry she’d tell her husband and it would get back to him. People in real life are not as believing as you guys are here.

You could tell her the bare basics and ask her to not say anything to her husband just yet. You really could do with someone onside asap.

If you don’t trust her don’t say anything, the first person you confide in near to you should be someone who only has your best interests at heart. I’m worried about what happens when you leave (tomorrow?) and his mask slips? Like you found a reason to get out with the kids this morning, can you do the same just to get you and the children to your parents’ house tomorrow?

I agree i think it would be risky to confide in a woman whose husband is friends with this man.
Poet needs her parents.

Whoa. That was utterly, utterly chilling to read. I felt terrified just reading it Poet.

You absolutely cannot come back from this now. He is extremely dangerous, he’s fully aware of what he’s doing to you and he threatened you ( chillingly)

This is all very very dangerous. I worry that either this will fade away for you, or he will manipulate or gaslight you so you brush it under the carpet

I am very worried for your safety tonight.

Me too. Especially if you go to sleep first. Oh Poet, can your dad claim an emergency and get you? Even if it's just you for the night and the kids stay there with your friends.

Sending you strength Poet. Remember your anger is a powerful energy and you can propel yourself forwards, upwards and out of this horrific situation. You can do this. You can protect your babies from the reality of who their father is by leaving him. The fantasy is over.
Don’t drink too much tonight, keep your wits about you.

I'm so sorry PinkPoet. This is exactly why you're so afraid of him and why you appease him all the time. Of course he knows he's a rapist. The difference is, he's said it out loud now and that puts an end to the pretence that you just share a special connection or that it's anything other than sexual abuse. He's incredibly dangerous in his current violent rage. Even if he's calmed down on the surface, you know what is really going on. Please keep your phone charged and with you. You must do whatever's safest for you and the children, but please keep in mind that at any point that could be to call 999. Sending love x

So sorry Poet. He is not a good man. His young, innocent child came into the bedroom seeking comfort from their parents after a nightmare, and that’s how he reacts? Followed by yelling at them the next day whilst shaking with rage? My heart breaks for them. That, along with what he said to you in anger, tells you everything you need to know about who he really is and cannot be brushed under the carpet. It will only ever get worse. It’s not safe for you or your kids to stay with him. I agree with the advice about seeking support from your parents. Sending you luck and strength x

As others have said, so sad and shocked. Please please please make this the final straw.

I would call / text your Mum and say that it’s really urgent and that you and the kids will need to come and stay there for a while. I would get yourself and the kids in the car tomorrow, and get over to your parents house as calmly and efficiently as you can. If you have overnight bags already in the car from being at your friends house, can you literally just drive you and the kids to your mum’s house with the packed up car while he is pre occupied / unlocking the door? get him to go back into the house, or tell him you want to take the kids XYZ and get to a safe place by tomorrow please poet.

you have lots of people virtually behind you here, and the best thing you can now do is make sure people in your real life are now aware of how in danger you are from this man.

I absolutely agree. But it’s not a guarantee that OP will tell her parents at all. The fear of hearing “told you so” has stopped her several times in the past.

In terms of keeping safe tonight, she needs to reduce the amount of time she is alone with him so mentioning that they have argued and the atmosphere is a bit frosty between them could keep the friend’s wife nearby.

Just a thought PP - is it possible that when you get back to the house and still have the children in their car seats, that you could say will he nip in the house and open the windows/put the kettle on and you're just going to nip to the shop/garage/cashpoint - and then you just drive off and don't come back? You may have a much better idea of a good excuse to drive off. The more time you can give yourself as a head start, the better.

how far away are your parents?

I know I said before, but can you call them and get your dad to ring you, say your mum is ill, and she wants you. then he can come and get you and the kjids, under the guise of him not having to be responsible for them today or tomorrow - especially if one 'might wake up with a nightmare again' and interrupt the football?

or would that be really suspicious and would the friends try to offer to look after the kids.

You could drive to your parents or to a police station. I'm frightened about what he will do when you get home.

and absolutely do not confide in any of these wives.

will he sleep in? Can you get up early and drive off?

Your kids will thrive when away from this. This is the toughest part - but you’re tougher. Good luck