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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

589 replies

PinkPoetAgain1 · 08/06/2026 12:05

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

OP posts:
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7
OneOliveOtter · Yesterday 11:52

Can we please stop pressuring Poet to go to the police about the rapes. This is the first time she has ever expressed, in her own words and in her own time, that she has reached her red line.

The thought of leaving him is overwhelming enough for her. The thought of the police will terrify her. And going through a rape case is an utterly harrowing experience. She can still do this in time if she CHOOSES too. Right now, we should be supporting her to do the next right thing for her based on what SHE has said she wants to do. In this case, today, it should be how to get to her parents and what to say if she would like support with that. And also getting back in touch with Women's Aid to advise them she would like to leave as this is a risky time. They already did a safety plan, she has that. She can call 999 at anytime also. Updating your friend Poet, the one who knows, would also be a good ideas as an added layer of protection and an extra set of eyes on you who can call on your behalf if needed.

I don't think some posters are realising how big of a step this is for Poet. Asking her to call the police and open an investigation risks her feeling totally overwhelmed and therefore doing nothing.

murasaki · Yesterday 11:55

I agree. The main thing here is for Poet to get to he parents with the kids and be safe. Anything else may follow later if she wants it to. She's had her agency taken away from her for years, she deserves agency in this.

SandMartins · Yesterday 11:57

It’s not pressure at all, it’s just sharing our thoughts. I am very worried for Poet and her kids’ safety, but I’ll step away now. I’ll be thinking of you Poet, I truly wish you the best x

OneOliveOtter · Yesterday 12:15

In terms of safety, the best thing Poet can do is what she is doing. Keeping things normal and then when he leaves for work, she leaves along with whatever she can carry. Essentials for the kids, their stuffies or something. Important documents containing financial info, birth certificates and the children’s passports. Anything else can be replaced.

Follow the safety plan made with women’s aid, confide in her parents and friend so trusted people know what’s going on and can help keep her safe and make arrangements. And of course call 999 if she is in anyway concerned.

If in the future she wants to pursue charges then we will all support her. Likewise getting a non-molestation order which she may end up needing and a solicitor can advise on that. But for now, the first step is to leave and that’s scary enough. But you can do this Poet. Just getting to your parents, that’s the next step.

murasaki · Yesterday 12:23

Yes, best to keep things normal for today. You're nearly there Poet.

NettleTea · Yesterday 12:36

Yes tonight act as normal as you can. I know you have seen the full horror but try hard not to be any difference or you may find he decides to work from home as his suspicions may be raised. Hopefully the glow of having done what he intended will carry him through the next couple of days.

What is the normal routine tomorrow - who does school runs/ nursery? Are you due to be in work?

Dont change anything. You can collect them from school or nursery as you leave, but you again do not want anything out of the normal. Do you ever ask him what he fancies for dinner? Id be tempted to do that if so, so that he thinks all is normal.Dont do it if you dont usually. Just think about a typical morning and thats how tomorrow plays out.

Apple watch is not always 100% accurate, it may say you are awake when you are in a light sleep or have awoken and fell back - so the shorter times may simply be that your sleeping in a heightened state on alert for danger, and him moving could have caused you to blip awake, not that anything was actually happening.

I think previously you said that you know where all the passports etc are. You mention i-cloud, so I would hold back opening an online account until you are away, and tomorrow morning ask your mum if you can transfer your wages and some money from the joint account into her account for the moment - you dont want him to clear your account while you are waiting for the new one to be verified.

You also need a new SIM - or even better a new phone. and some kind of data storage to download your info. I would not trust him to lock you out of your phone and to also have some kind of notifications. Turn off location. Make sure he cant track where you are and turn up at the supermarket when you are not protected.

He will try to get you on your own because it has always worked before.

Be aware of the cycle. You know about the love bombing, this has been a weakness in the past, and you know he will play on the guilt. For himself, the poor broken man.For the children being deprived of a good father. It is best to just go complete no contact. This is why a new SIM is good as he wont have your number so you will be safe from his bombardment.

Speak to your work, see if you can take some leave. explain what has happened and make sure he cannot come to your workplace. Speak to school and to nursery and explain the kids will not be coming in for at least the next 2 weeks. Unfortunately without a court order he can and he will go and take them from either place and not return them. His aim now will be to bring you back under his control by any means possible and if him taking the kids will do that, then he will do that.

You do however have the ace card, which is the threat of the police. Coercive control, as a minimum, with rape and sexual abuse, the videos and whatever is likely on his hard drive. Id keep that keg dry for now, but if he wont respect your request for him to leave you alone for , say a min 2 weeks, then you can threaten to report him initially for harassment. He should back off. If you see him hanging around, then that moves to stalking. I would speak to WA for the wording of a message to send before your phone switches off that lays out the bones of this. The wording is important, you need to demonstrate that you have told him not to contact you, and that in time you will contact him around child visitation.

And good luck Poet. I think that once you are free from his presence, both physically and mentally, that you will be safe to never want to go back. He has broken his own spell, and I really believe that there is no coming back from that.

Sending you all the hugs and love

RS1987 · Yesterday 13:31

I bet he tries to get her parents on their own as well - he’s done that before.

was just thinking about you Poet, and wanted to say that you don’t need to label anything as abuse in order to leave him. You could just say you aren’t happy and want a divorce and go. Certainly don’t worry about the police or whatever. If that helps, just do that. Then one day at a time.

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 13:39

If he is drugging you OP, might it still be in your system?

FiloPasty · Yesterday 18:12

Poet how are you coping?

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · Yesterday 18:24

Sending you so much strength, dear Poet. You CAN do this 💪🏻🫂

DiggerLily · Yesterday 21:07

Sending you strength from afar for tomorrow. Pls know you can do this, do it for your kids and for the future you xxx

murasaki · Yesterday 21:33

Stay safe tonight, Poet. Thinking of you and the kids.

throwawayimplantchat · Yesterday 22:42

Sending you so, so much strength. You can do it, for the kids and for you x

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · Today 00:28

I am so sorry he did this to you again . I hope you can get to your mums with the kids in the next few days. Only think of one step at a time, and this step is to get to safety . Brief your parents so he doesn’t sweet talk them. Write it down on a price of paper if it’s hard to tell then the key things. Good luck, I honestly cannot believe what I read, but I believe it as your husband is abhorrent, and has no boundaries. I cannot bear to think how you felt. I hope leaving means it never ever happens again.

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