How are you today OP? I know from your past threads, and from being in this position myself that I think you want/need to hear all this negative stuff that you need to go NC, that hes abusive, that you can do better etc etc - but that it also deeply troubles you. I dont want to speak for you, but I think you've shared that before. For me, I remember wanting and needing to hear that stuff, but then also feeling defensive for him, thinking 'oh hes not that bad, im not that pathetic'. I know in your case its not physical, but in mine even when we went to court because of the abuse, to my utter shame prior to the hearing we were put in a room and spoken to by support workers for abuse victims. I was mortified, i looked around the room, and to my shame I said to the worker, 'im not like these other women, im not an abuse victim, im a professional, intelligent woman'. I thought i was better than them, and it really wasnt THAT bad. It was, but I couldn't see that at the time.
The same with the other areas of abuse, my gut knew he was abusing me, but then when people were validating that I got wildly defensive - i think of myself as much as him. I wouldn't put up with that surely! I was a bright woman from a good family - not me!
I dont know whether any of this is helpful whatsoever, or if Im just projecting, and maybe you don't feel that way at all, but I couldnt help but wonder if you were hurting and struggling right now hearing all the negativity being thrown at your ex (quite rightly of course - people are really trying to help). I just hope you are ok because I know how much it can hurt. xx