He's definitely restarted the affair

[Allthegoodonesareg0ne]

2 years ago my husband had an affair and we reconciled. All was going well. He left his job for a bit and then had to go back. In March he went on a trip where she was, first time since. He came back off. I suspected, he denied. Then he said he hasn't been happy, rhe effort of dealing with my triggers from the affair was too much. He was worn out. He was planning to stay until after my hysterectomy this week and then move out. Since then its been a roller coaster. Warm some days, cold the next. In amongst it i filed for divorce. Some days he wanted to try and some days he was like an imposter in my husbands body. Over and over I asked about her he said he wasn't talking to her.
Today I got forwarded messages between them from her husband. He's been at it again.
He says he wasn't cheating, he'd already decided it was over between us he wouldn't tell me so I'd let him look after me and rhe kids through my surgery.
So now I know. I already suspected it shouldn't be a shock. I'd already said ir was over but I suppose some part of me was hanging on.
No point to this really except maybe to warn others and to get a bit or a handhold as this feels bloody unbearable.

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne that’s great to hear and as your strength returns and you get perspective on it all, it’s like a curtain goes up and you see everything for what it really is and was. It will no doubt render him more weak and pathetic and make you ever firmer in your resolve to move on and move on well. The best revenge is a life well-lived, as they say. I’m a firm believer in that. I’m so glad you’ve had a lovely weekend. X

So looks like 2 more weeks and then he's moving, he wants to wait until term finishes now for the kids.
I've already started making some changes in the house, decorating a bit to my taste. He got upset today and told me it's like he's dying and I already start to throw his clothes away. I had to point out that he is not dying and that he chose this and has a house of his own to make his!

Blimey he’s gone from being comedian to the tragic clown in a matter of days, hasn’t he?
It’s utterly staggering that he’s still somehow a victim in his head! Well said, btw, he did choose this and it was always his responsibility to put right and he chose not to do that.

Honestly I had to fight myself not to completely lose it - though I think it would have been well deserved.
He was crying, saying its so hurtful, that it doesn't feel like his home anymore and he's not even left yet..
Was I supposed to wait until he left, when he hasn't even been communicating me about when that would be?! Ask his permission?! I didn't get a say in any of this but now I'm wrong for rolling with it!

Oh, woe is me he whimpers. How dare the world continue to turn when it should be waiting for meeee.

Dying? God if you had any sense of attraction to him, that would kill it stone dead.

He was crying? He engineered all this and is expecting you to be sympathetic and comfort him. It's good in a way as this behaviour must have killed any remaining feelings you had for him absolutely stone dead.

He's got the same cheek as a man who killed his own parents and then asked the judge for clemency because he was an orphan.

Oh he's furious with me this afternoon!
He went out and i started hanging wallpaper, he said this is what he gets for sharing his feelings, no wonder he doesnt do it as i ignore them anyway. I did it just to spite him (not because i had a spare few hours, obviously) I'm moving on before he's even left, it doesn't feel like his own home, its like he's dying and I'm moving his things out before he's dead.
I pointed out he's been buying things for his home and getting things set up there without discussing any of that me and that's all apparently to spare my feelings.
I stopped short of pointing out he'd moved on with another woman and new house without discussion with me..
The levels of ridiculous are just getting worse..

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne can’t you ask him to dig a nice big hole cos you need a patio? Don’t know how you’ve restrained yourself. What a repulsive, snivelling, narcissistic little object. That ow is very welcome to him.

🤣🤣 I do need some garden work doing!
I've heard some nonsense from him through all this but today was something special.
I clearly just don't understand how hard this all is for him...🙄

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne you're doing this all the right way and I love that for you 👏👏

Gosh bless him. The stress of having an affair with the sane woman, twice. The stress of bringing that into the marital home and saying to his wife well I may choose her and I may choose you, what am I to do? The stress of taking his children to his new place and then realising that the marital home won’t be a drop-in centre nor will his wife be a support worker who will be desperate for sex with him to salve his poorly ego.
Honestly they need to devise a whole new Pride of Britain Award for him.

I'm amazed they haven't given him one already to be fair!
There should obviously be some support groups for men in the horrible position he's put himself in..🤣

Was it you who wants to get a cat as soon as he has moved out?

Oh yes, can you imagine. I mean not for the poor lovely guy who got shafted out of a marriage, obvs. He’s out there somewhere thinking he lost his wife for some married, older dickhead and now he’s stuck consoling her parents.
Honestly the dying comment is the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard on here. It’s ridiculous.

Yep, we will be getting one when the summer hols are done

Her lovely husband needs a support group in its own league poor man.

Dear lord he really is delusional, I just can't fathom the level of self centred-ness it takes to even think these things let alone say them to you.

He really wants you to hold his hand through this shit show of his own creation doesn't he, the mind boggles

FFS! He was unhappy for years and doesn’t want it to be his home any more! Are you supposed to go through a grieving period for a weak, pathetic liar who trashed his life and asks all the people he did his level best to cut to ribbons, to cry about the small self-inflicted cut on his little finger? @Allthegoodonesareg0ne I never condone violence but he must have the most slappable face in Britain today.
You did well to stay calm. I’d keep reminding him it was all his choice and he said and has told people he was unhappy for years. Let him think how happy he’s going to be leaving you and his kids and everything he’s ever known, to finally be happy again all alone and free from his allegedly miserable existence as your husband. Dickhead.
It’s all got a bit real in the Oz of LaLaLand, hasn’t it Dorothy? Apparently there really is no place like home. Who’da thunk it?

Yep, think reality is biting hard. He wasn't thinking of wallpaper choices when he was leaving me to cry so he could sit and message phone girl in peace!
I don't know if it's more that he gets an ego boost from seeing me sad about him or that he can't bare that I might not stay that way!

So looks like 2 more weeks and then he's moving, he wants to wait until term finishes now for the kids.

Guaranteed that in two weeks' time there's be some new reason why it's got to be another two weeks.

Honestly, why would you stop short of pointing it out? He needs to hear it.

I hope not. He's got the house now and has bought bits and pieces but he's put off buying actual furniture. He said today he's been putting it off on purpose as he's dreading it, but now he doesn't feel like this is his home so he thinks he'll hurry it up.
He said it to hurt me I'm sure but it didn't work.

I don't see what it would have achieved aside from making me feel righteous.
It would have just escalated an already ridiculous conversation.

How odd, it’s like this loser has actually forgotten he is having an affair and declared it wasn’t cheating as he had already decided it was over with you that’s he’s a flat, is moving out so he can continue shagging around and has been setting it up. Instead he’s pissed he’s not ruined you by turning you into a snivelling begging wreck