I completely agree. I think cheating is a band aid for uncomfortable feelings and feelings of failure. Add in a sense of entitlement and ego and its easy to see rhe solution to feeling that you're failing is to find someone who tells you that you aren't.
One of the hardest things for me (and I think probably for all empathetic partners of cheaters) is that we can see that they aren't monsters, just human beings with poor coping skills. We can also see that their intent was to make themselves feel better, not to destroy their partners.
Some do manage to address the underlying issue of course and recognise that intent doesn't negate the actual damage. A starting point to become safe partners.
Obviously my stbx hasnt 😆. He's still stuck at woe is me, my minimal effort wasn't enough to stop you making me feel like a failure for the actions I chose to take therefore I must scramble around for other external reasons and solutions.
I had to point out to him today that after all he's put me through I essentially had a choice between spending forever feeling sorry myself, continuing not eating and sleeping (or worse,up entirely) or picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting on with life. I chose the latter for me and the kids, despite the pain he caused us all. And yet here he was making it all about him again, vomming in a Bush because he couldn't handle where we've all landed after his repeated grenades. That I'm only entertaining other men because he chose to throw our marriage away. But here he is again, woe is him.
I simply don't have the energy left for him, it's going into me and the kids. I'm sure he'll get what he needs from someone else soon enough and God help her!