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Original poster

Bad sex. New relationship. Small penis

227 replies

Ohblimey2025 · 20/12/2025 08:40

I've met a very nice man who ticks all the boxes, but is absolutely dreadful in bed. I don't think it helps that his penis isn't very big and he also has a bit of a tummy.
He's only slept with a couple of women (we are in our 50s) and literally has no clue! He's very religious (I'm not), so finds it hard to talk about sex. I've had to fake it every time we've had sex as he's so disappointed with himself if I don't cum.
Can old dogs be taught new tricks? I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.
I've had a full filling sex life with other men over the years so I'm sort of astounded that someone can be still be this bad in their 50s.
Constructive and gentle feedback only please.

OP posts:
AngryBird6122 · 20/12/2025 11:47

You really shouldnt have faked it

The fact he sees you discussing it as him being a failure is the biggest issue here

ToysRus56 · 20/12/2025 11:48

AngelinaFibres · 20/12/2025 09:03

Religious. Yuk
Unable to discuss things at this age. Yuk
Tummy.Yuk
Small penis. Yuk.
You can't change the hang ups he has. He's far too old to get rid of them.
I wouldn't fancy a man with a tummy and , from the tone of your Op, I'd say you are the same. That can be worked on but you should fancy him for who he is not who he could be.
Small penis. That's not going to change

This is a bit of a mean way to talk about someone :( is there need for it? I know we're on an anonymous forum but come on

Sexyin2026 · 20/12/2025 11:49

How on earth does anyone fake an orgasm? You can actually fake spasms? Or is he SO inexperienced that he really thinks that a few "oohs" and "ahhs" with no spasms is a real orgasm? Sheesh.

Beachtastic · 20/12/2025 11:53

Ohblimey2025 · 20/12/2025 09:52

For more context, he was married for a very long time. His wife never orgasmed in 23 years. She then disclosed she was a lesbian and always had been. Both married very young with no sex before marriage and had people high up in the church as parents.
He is open to trying things but just "doesn't get it".
He's very loving and super in other respects. I'm just used to swinging from the chandeliers and talking dirty!

Are you sure his wife wasn't just making up an excuse to get out? I would!

KingfisherBluey · 20/12/2025 11:54

This is a non starter.

If he's only ever had 2 partners and neither has told him he's not got a clue, you don't want to be the one to fix him.

And no, not all men at 50 have a tummy.

Mine DH doesn't and he's late 60s and neither do most of his friends.
It depends on how much men take care of their health and aside from the bad sex I'd not be attracted to a fat man - unhealthy for a start.

KingfisherBluey · 20/12/2025 11:56

Sexyin2026 · 20/12/2025 11:49

How on earth does anyone fake an orgasm? You can actually fake spasms? Or is he SO inexperienced that he really thinks that a few "oohs" and "ahhs" with no spasms is a real orgasm? Sheesh.

You can do spasms- squeeze and contract and scream OOOOH! Not that I ever have but as he's never been with a women who has, how would he know?

I really don't approve of women faking. Men don't need to be protected from the truth,

GoldsolesLugs · 20/12/2025 11:56

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 20/12/2025 09:58

@soupyspoonim with @BabyHairs. Why do some women feel the need to cheerlead for faceless men? In a world still ruled by men, with VAWG rising and other forms of misogyny rife, what makes someone think "oh I better pour in my two cents about the poor menz"

Probably because they think that in interpersonal relationships people should be treated as individuals, not as representatives of the identity group(s) to which they belong.

I suppose you could see mild bad behaviour (i.e. posting about new partner's genitals on internet) as being acceptable if you are "punching up" - i.e. having a crack at someone from a more privileged group, but I think you don't really need me to explain how silly this is. I'll give some examples anyway. Is it OK if a black woman at starbucks spills her coffee on a white woman as she has to deal with racism as well as misogyny? What about if women, on first dates, steal small amounts of money off men? Neither of these things are acceptable, right?

KingfisherBluey · 20/12/2025 11:57

GoldsolesLugs · 20/12/2025 11:56

Probably because they think that in interpersonal relationships people should be treated as individuals, not as representatives of the identity group(s) to which they belong.

I suppose you could see mild bad behaviour (i.e. posting about new partner's genitals on internet) as being acceptable if you are "punching up" - i.e. having a crack at someone from a more privileged group, but I think you don't really need me to explain how silly this is. I'll give some examples anyway. Is it OK if a black woman at starbucks spills her coffee on a white woman as she has to deal with racism as well as misogyny? What about if women, on first dates, steal small amounts of money off men? Neither of these things are acceptable, right?

Show quote history

?
What has this got to do with the OP and her post?

Starlin · 20/12/2025 11:58

FromageTime · 20/12/2025 09:25

Life’s too short for bad sex and a small dick. Dump.

Short. Concise.
I agree 😂

In all seriousness OP, I've been in this position and as much as the good outweighs the bad... It sounds like there's too much bad.

MollyMollyMandy33 · 20/12/2025 11:59

BabyHairs · 20/12/2025 09:40

Is there really any need to get on here as the defender of men? Like?

Show quote history

There is absolutely a need to defend any human being from others calling them ‘yuk’. If it was a woman being called ‘yuk’ for having ‘small’ boobs and a tummy, people would jump to her defense. It’s a horrible and very unkind way to refer to another human being.

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 20/12/2025 12:00

Its a new relationship. Life is too short for shit sex.
You sound confident. You will meet someone who fulfills all your relationship desires (not a fairytale, but ykwim)

ForTipsyFinch · 20/12/2025 12:00

Faking orgasms in your 50s is absolutely ridiculous. Use your words and explain, if he doesn’t want to hear it that tells you all you need to know, religious or not.

All faking does is make him think he’s doing a good job, so bringing it now is going to be even more awkward.

longtompot · 20/12/2025 12:04

@Ohblimey2025 So in order not to upset him, you are putting up with bad sex. Why are his feelings more important than yours?

Locutus2000 · 20/12/2025 12:05

ILoveFilmsFromTheEighties · 20/12/2025 11:15

You definately can. Now I can count my number of partners on my fingers still so not a huge sample I guess. However I am pretty sure penis size/girth follows the same as their fingers.

Short, wide fingers - short, wide penis.

Long, thin fingers - long , thin penis (to be avoided if possible)

Long normal width fingers - long, good girth penis

Also look at their overall build. If they are broad shouldered / solid build/stocky then penis girth is normally good.
If they are skinny all over then penis size seems to be very lacking in girth as well.

Show quote history

I was a carer and nurse for two decades, I've seen more penises and their owners than I've had hot dinners.

You are talking complete woo nonsense.

GoldsolesLugs · 20/12/2025 12:05

KingfisherBluey · 20/12/2025 11:57

?
What has this got to do with the OP and her post?

Show quote history

???
You're correct that it is derailing a bit, but it's obviously a response to the post I quoted - did you read that?

RoseInBloome7 · 20/12/2025 12:11

AngelinaFibres · 20/12/2025 09:03

Religious. Yuk
Unable to discuss things at this age. Yuk
Tummy.Yuk
Small penis. Yuk.
You can't change the hang ups he has. He's far too old to get rid of them.
I wouldn't fancy a man with a tummy and , from the tone of your Op, I'd say you are the same. That can be worked on but you should fancy him for who he is not who he could be.
Small penis. That's not going to change

^ This

Deafnotdumb · 20/12/2025 12:13

If you need to fake it to keep him happy, this relationship has no prospects. The physical factors can be overcome, but his hang ups and ego won't.
Walk away.

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 20/12/2025 12:14

Ohblimey2025 · 20/12/2025 08:40

I've met a very nice man who ticks all the boxes, but is absolutely dreadful in bed. I don't think it helps that his penis isn't very big and he also has a bit of a tummy.
He's only slept with a couple of women (we are in our 50s) and literally has no clue! He's very religious (I'm not), so finds it hard to talk about sex. I've had to fake it every time we've had sex as he's so disappointed with himself if I don't cum.
Can old dogs be taught new tricks? I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.
I've had a full filling sex life with other men over the years so I'm sort of astounded that someone can be still be this bad in their 50s.
Constructive and gentle feedback only please.

You either need to bite the bullet and tell him that you prefer things differently in bed (thats far better than saying he's crap!) than what he's use to giving. Or, the alternative is you break up.
Which outcome is most preferable to you?

ReyRey12 · 20/12/2025 12:16

For me the biggest turn off is a grown man who can't talk about sex.
Small penis can be worked around, big tummy cam be worked around. An eger guy who is willing to try things out and talk about it? Great. His insecurity, lack of desire to improve, unable to have a conversation about sex can't be fixed.

mrandmrsrobinson · 20/12/2025 12:36

He doesn't tick all the boxes if the appendage is inadequate

butidid · 20/12/2025 12:38

Agree with previous poster, plenty of people have amazing sex with small penis and big tummy.

Being positive, him being desperate for you to orgasm is a big plus, but by you faking it maybe he thinks he has no more work to do?

If he's great in other ways I think it's worth trying to explore more satisfying ways of having sex with him, but he has to want to/be open to it. Perhaps stopping faking will trigger a conversation?

hyggetyggedotorg · 20/12/2025 12:41

It’s not his fault he has a small penis, but he does need to be able to talk about how to satisfy you in bed otherwise what’s the point of even having sex?

With a tummy & small penis combo, he will need to be thinking about which positions are better for you. Normally, I would say if he’s otherwise a good match, then work on the sex together. But if he won’t even talk about it…..

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 20/12/2025 12:45

Sexyin2026 · 20/12/2025 11:49

How on earth does anyone fake an orgasm? You can actually fake spasms? Or is he SO inexperienced that he really thinks that a few "oohs" and "ahhs" with no spasms is a real orgasm? Sheesh.

I mean women have been faking orgasms since Eve ate the apple

MouseCheese87 · 20/12/2025 13:02

You clearly feel negative about him so should end it for both your sakes. There's nothing unusual or wrong with a man having a bit of a tummy, a lot of people aren't looking for perfection. The small penis would be more of an issue for me personally. But if it's a deal breaker for you, then you are not unreasonable to end it. If it's something that is putting you off him, especially early on, then it's only going to fester and build into resentment. Presumably you're looking for a long lasting monogamous relationship, so why would you settle for someone who turns you off?

Skybluepinky · 20/12/2025 13:08

It was never going to be great with a member of the dickie do club, if it doesn’t work for you get out.