Bad sex. New relationship. Small penis

[Ohblimey2025]

I've met a very nice man who ticks all the boxes, but is absolutely dreadful in bed. I don't think it helps that his penis isn't very big and he also has a bit of a tummy.
He's only slept with a couple of women (we are in our 50s) and literally has no clue! He's very religious (I'm not), so finds it hard to talk about sex. I've had to fake it every time we've had sex as he's so disappointed with himself if I don't cum.
Can old dogs be taught new tricks? I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.
I've had a full filling sex life with other men over the years so I'm sort of astounded that someone can be still be this bad in their 50s.
Constructive and gentle feedback only please.

Can definitely get better though really depends on what you define as better I suppose. You can teach old dogs some new tricks but depends a lot on what else you seek from a relationship.

when I was dating in my 40’s a wise older friend said to me, find a best friend and companion, whilst bedroom antics are fun at some point health issues etc can curtail this, you don’t want to wake up next to someone you don’t want to spend daylight hours with.

that said there is a minimum level of compatibility, so you need to think this through yourself. I’m only my dh’s second partner (he was married 25 years to his first) and he was pretty naive, he’s less do now

Sometimes (when at the right moment) pics being sent can come in handy before doing the deed

Gosh this is so shallow. I'm just imagining if this was the other way around and the OP complained that his date's boobs were tiny and saggy and the sex was bad? And then other guys swooped in and told the OP to 'throw her back'?

It's the person you're attracted to, not their body.

It's the person you're attracted to, not their body.

No. It’s both.

He can't be that disappointed in himself if he previous wife never came in 23 years. Think he's emotionally influencing you a bit there!

It's both.

A small penis cannot be compared to small boobs. I won't go into graphic detail but you can work it out yourself.

Also- women's breasts are usually more visible even with clothes on whereas a penis isn't. So men who want massive knockers can make their choices, if that's what they want.

So you’d have bad sex with someone forever, because they have a nice personality?

One person’s bad sex is another’s preference, I’m sure there’s somebody really enjoying what my ex husband has on offer, for example!

Really? Couples put up with all sorts if they don't want to divorce- and she left him.

Having a nice body is a bonus, not a requirement to a healthy, lasting relationship.

This man has a pot belly, that can be flattened out with changes in diet and exercise. As for the small penis, it's rude to even be thinking about it, let alone airing it on social media where he can't defend himself against the inevitable piss-taking.

If you don't like women's bodies being objectified, why objectify men's bodies?

That's a double standard and it's not okay. I suppose if women didn't have double standards, they'd have no standards at all.

Sounds dreadful. Bin.

That is an opinion, not a fact.
Your opinion.

Couples age and how they looked at 21 is not the same as at 51 or 71. However, this is about a NEW relationship, not one that's lasted for 40 years.
People have every right to choose a partner for sexual attraction, rather than just being a 'nice person'.

How on earth is it 'rude' to think about or discuss a small penis?

The whole point of an anon forum is to air things like this rather than with people who know him!

Maybe you have no experience of this, but for a woman, the size of a penis can have a bearing on her sexual pleasure. They don't have to be like truncheons, but some teeny weeny ones will make a difference.

I think it's quite sad that you appear so prude and unable to even understand the issue.

Not that it's any of your business but I can't have sex to begin with. I'm 38. There is something of an anatomical mismatch where my DH is way too large for me and I've got the physiology of a teenager (the words of a nurse). But I'm resourceful and loving enough to find other ways to satisfy my husband, and he reassures me that I'm perfect just the way I am.

Good for you..

And does he satisfy you- or is it a one-way street?

Your way for is not for everyone.

Come along now. You know very well that vaginas can be loose or tight, which can have a bearing on pleasure and that the looseness cannot be seen with clothes on.

I don’t agree at all.

If there was a post from a man that said ‘I have started seeing a woman and ‘she has all these physical flaws but she is lovely and there is a real spark between us’ that’s one thing but if it said ‘she is not willing to talk, has all these religious hang ups but is absolutely beautiful and turns me on’ then that’s a different situation entirely.

She was just giving the whole picture.

And it’s not good in any department!!

Also I can’t be that unusual, but I love a bit of a belly!

Ah, that explains why you’ve taken this particularly personally.

I’m glad you and your partner have established what works for you as a couple.

Like OP, I know what works for me and if it wasn’t available I wouldn’t be interested. It’s not compulsory to stay with someone who can’t meet your physical needs, or that you can’t work find a way to be sexually compatible with.

Not everyone would want to, I am one of those people.

Yes, he does. A lot. Once again, none of your business.

I know it's not exactly breaking news, but there is so much more to men than the organ they pee out of.

There can be other reasons to be attracted to someone!

I've taken it personally because my whole life I've seen men break, I don't know how to explain it, but I can see the moment when they break. It's probably from watching my parents argue and seeing my dad's lifeforce get sucked out of him. I know a broken man when I see one, and there are literally hundreds of them. My dad is now in the advanced stages of dementia.

Yes, the issues I have down there do make me feel somewhat inadequate, it was hell when I was actually a teenager because all the girls talked about their sexual adventures in school and they called me frigid because I was a prude and didn't air my personal life out to the world, so they assumed I was abnormal and believe me I felt abnormal, so on went a vicious cycle of self-loathing and the odd bit of self-harming.

I have a big nose, no boobs and my whatsit is tiny. It took me years to accept myself the way I am. My DH has helped a lot along the way. We're expecting our first baby in March! I artificially inseminated as there is no other way.

But to get to the healthy, lasting relationship stage there has to be a physical attraction to start with. And that works both ways.

I’ve met far too many women who settle for sex with men who think sex finishes when they do, and who are basically used as living sex dolls.

Far too many women expected to be ashamed of their sexuality, or to not actually want to enjoy sex, because really they’re just a sum of their body parts and how accessible those parts are to men.

Women who are slutty if they want sex, frigid if they don’t, and held to a completely different standard to men when it comes to casual sex.

Any woman who expects better than that for herself has my backing.

After my marriage ended I had a relationship for a couple of years with s man in his 50s who I would have sworn was a virgin if he hadn’t had two sons. He hasn’t had sex with his wife (or anyone) since the younger (then aged 18) was conceived, and rarely before that. His wife was asexual and he had a tiny penis that he was very insecure about.
Sec between us was never great but he was a lovely guy in many ways and I would have persevered, but we split for other reasons.
Then I met s man with a large tummy who had only everhad sex with his late wife (widower) and the sex is mind-blowing. Really glad now I dumped the other guy , even though at the time was difficult, because I hadnt realised just how wonderful life is and you are having good sex /has made me a nicer person all round because the happiness that brings.

If you can’t fake a ‘spasm’ you might need to work on your pelvic floor.

Also, the nature of vaginal contractions varies hugely from woman to woman. In a lot of women they’d likely be more or less undetectable for the man during penetrative sex.

You're behaving very emotionally on this thread.
Your parents' marriage and the fact your Dad had 'his life sucked out of him' is not something to compare with the OP's post.

Then you get shirty when someone asks you for more details about your sex life when you have already willingly given a lot of information about your own body.

(I'm going to assume you have had consultations with gynaecologists to ensure that there is nothing that can be done to stretch your vagina?)

Your responses are coming from the fact you and your H are incompatible sexually due to his size and yours.

If you're happy to accept that and he is - FINE!

But it's not a recipe for a happy sex life that other women have to follow.
What you put up with or overlook or find way s round is your choice.

"Then you get all shirty when someone asks you for more details about your sex life when you have already given a lot of information about your own body."

I got shirty because I don't like being asked personal questions for no proper reason. The personal information came about AFTER I was asked, that's how Q&A's work, isn't it? You don't answer before the question's been asked. Maybe that's how it works in your world, though.