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Relationships

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Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 10/06/2025 11:48

How am I not the most pearl clutching person on this thread with my cultural background? 😂
Posters are getting so needlessly furious.

notadrift · 10/06/2025 11:52

Why did you post OP?

You are clearly very proud of what you are doing and "had a good giggle afterwards" (God knows why)

I do not understand the point of your post other than mentionitis. You should just keep your private life (if no complications, in your opinion) to yourself.

Not start an inflammatory thread where posters who disagree are insulted for it.

My DD is 16. I would never, ever in a million years shag her best friends dad. But that is me. I do not care and nor I am remotely jealous of your set up. I also have plenty of sex. Thanks.

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 12:08

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 11:31

No, he doesn't want to openly declare his affections.

@LosingSleeping

does Op?

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 12:12

notadrift · 10/06/2025 11:52

Why did you post OP?

You are clearly very proud of what you are doing and "had a good giggle afterwards" (God knows why)

I do not understand the point of your post other than mentionitis. You should just keep your private life (if no complications, in your opinion) to yourself.

Not start an inflammatory thread where posters who disagree are insulted for it.

My DD is 16. I would never, ever in a million years shag her best friends dad. But that is me. I do not care and nor I am remotely jealous of your set up. I also have plenty of sex. Thanks.

@notadrift

hes not her best friends dad though

Sunholidays · 10/06/2025 12:30

Lying to your DD is not a good idea, OP. Just tell her the truth, breezily. It will be fine.

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 12:35

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 11:34

Are you OK?

Yes I'm fine, concience is clear, the only worries I have are concentrated on children and my family.

I'm certainly not worried about some sexual fugitive habouring in my bedroom. 😅

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 12:37

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 12:08

@LosingSleeping

does Op?

She wouldn't dare.

She doesn't want to face her potential, and I wouldn't blame her in this scenario.

She knows the deal.

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/06/2025 12:43

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 11:44

Because if he's the kind of guy to repeatedly go round and shag someone secretly for 2 years, he's not the kind of guy to be scared about what he wants.

He doesn't want op.

Why is it different for OP who has also shagged him for 2 years?

Northernlights19 · 10/06/2025 12:44

Gosh, I, for one, am disgusted. How dare you be a mother and want a sex life? It's almost as if you're a real human! How dare you?! I hope you're suitably hanging your head in shame this very moment.

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 12:47

Northernlights19 · 10/06/2025 12:44

Gosh, I, for one, am disgusted. How dare you be a mother and want a sex life? It's almost as if you're a real human! How dare you?! I hope you're suitably hanging your head in shame this very moment.

She can have a sex life. Most of us have a sex life.

The context is it is casual sex with her dd's friends dad and they were nearly caught at it so discretion and common sense is needed going forward.

Northernlights19 · 10/06/2025 12:50

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 12:47

She can have a sex life. Most of us have a sex life.

The context is it is casual sex with her dd's friends dad and they were nearly caught at it so discretion and common sense is needed going forward.

What's wrong with casual sex? Especially as this appears safer than just meeting some random guy.

It isn't her fault she was almost caught when she wasn't expecting anyone home.

Over40Overdating · 10/06/2025 12:53

@SquashedMallow you might want to give your deeply rooted misogyny the same level of analysis you are giving OPs sex life.

Your view of women having sex for pleasure, as they like, as disgusting and crass and the downfall of society and family stability is patriarchy 101.
For all your moralising about wanting women to value themselves what you are actually saying is you want men to value them based on sexual ‘purity’.

Who benefits most from your moralising? Who is it trying to control?

Isouf · 10/06/2025 12:58

notadrift · 10/06/2025 11:52

Why did you post OP?

You are clearly very proud of what you are doing and "had a good giggle afterwards" (God knows why)

I do not understand the point of your post other than mentionitis. You should just keep your private life (if no complications, in your opinion) to yourself.

Not start an inflammatory thread where posters who disagree are insulted for it.

My DD is 16. I would never, ever in a million years shag her best friends dad. But that is me. I do not care and nor I am remotely jealous of your set up. I also have plenty of sex. Thanks.

This!
I thought she was genuinely worried with what the daughter might think.
But all the comments that follow (including making a point to say she is a nice girl that makes a brew after sex...WTF? Who cares) shows she just worried she will open her legs and he wont be there. 🤣

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 13:04

Northernlights19 · 10/06/2025 12:50

What's wrong with casual sex? Especially as this appears safer than just meeting some random guy.

It isn't her fault she was almost caught when she wasn't expecting anyone home.

She lives with dc! Its not a massive stretch to think they might pitch up unexpectedly sometimes is it?!

Casual sex with her dd's schoolfriend's dad is just cringeworthy but each to their own.

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 13:27

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 12:47

She can have a sex life. Most of us have a sex life.

The context is it is casual sex with her dd's friends dad and they were nearly caught at it so discretion and common sense is needed going forward.

@Gloriia

so if she were shagging in the context of a relationship it would be better?? Why? The act is still the same. Sex is sex whether it’s done with a friend or a husband. It really doesn’t matter at the end of the day

CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 13:51

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 13:04

She lives with dc! Its not a massive stretch to think they might pitch up unexpectedly sometimes is it?!

Casual sex with her dd's schoolfriend's dad is just cringeworthy but each to their own.

I think people have got very swept up in the casual sex element of this but honestly I don’t think that is what this is.

the OP and this man are in a relationship. It isn’t just causal sex with strangers. It is an unconventional relationship that has gone from for 2 years in that they don’t date as a couple but they are happy leading their own separate lives. The OP has made it clear they are affectionate to each other then they see each other, they get on great, (I assume exclusive to each other?), they communicate reasonably regularly. But at the moment (and perhaps forever) they don’t feel the need to blend their lives together or take it any further. They have never needed to tell their children as the relationship has never progressed to a point where the children needed to know.

I’m honestly struggling to understand what the issue is here.

everychildmatters · 10/06/2025 13:53

@Cherrytree86 Yes I do think it would have been better in terms of modelling behaviour if the sex mum was having was discovered by the daughter and mum was in a relationship rather than casually with a dad of a friend.
I speak as a once single mum with two teenage sons.
I personally would prefer for my sons not to be having causal sex and so for me, I'd like to lead by example. I'd like to think I did (now remarried).

WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 13:54

CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 13:51

I think people have got very swept up in the casual sex element of this but honestly I don’t think that is what this is.

the OP and this man are in a relationship. It isn’t just causal sex with strangers. It is an unconventional relationship that has gone from for 2 years in that they don’t date as a couple but they are happy leading their own separate lives. The OP has made it clear they are affectionate to each other then they see each other, they get on great, (I assume exclusive to each other?), they communicate reasonably regularly. But at the moment (and perhaps forever) they don’t feel the need to blend their lives together or take it any further. They have never needed to tell their children as the relationship has never progressed to a point where the children needed to know.

I’m honestly struggling to understand what the issue is here.

Well said. Thank you

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/06/2025 14:07

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 09/06/2025 14:41

I for one think OP has a brilliant attitude. Monday afternoon shag? I could only dream of such things!

Agree

AnonAnonmystery · 10/06/2025 14:25

@Lionesseses the arrangement sounds lovely!

ChessorBuckaroo · 10/06/2025 14:31

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 11:34

Are you OK?

Completely unhinged I'd say.

OP has made clear her position on this, it's a regular shag nothing more. And good luck to her.

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 14:33

ChessorBuckaroo · 10/06/2025 14:31

Completely unhinged I'd say.

OP has made clear her position on this, it's a regular shag nothing more. And good luck to her.

@SwimSwamSwimSwam

what are you on about “faving your potential “?

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 14:34

Cherrytree86 · 10/06/2025 13:27

@Gloriia

so if she were shagging in the context of a relationship it would be better?? Why? The act is still the same. Sex is sex whether it’s done with a friend or a husband. It really doesn’t matter at the end of the day

If you don't know the different between casual sex and sex in a relationship then I can't help you.

The point here is her dc. Her dc nearly caught her shagging her friend's Dad. It surely isn't very considerate to put anyone in that position.

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 14:37

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 14:34

If you don't know the different between casual sex and sex in a relationship then I can't help you.

The point here is her dc. Her dc nearly caught her shagging her friend's Dad. It surely isn't very considerate to put anyone in that position.

OP is in a relationship, its a FWB relationship

CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 14:39

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 14:37

OP is in a relationship, its a FWB relationship

Not only that it’s been over 2 years! That’s longer than many of my relationships in my youth!

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