Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

That wasn't me who said that. Please realise this, it definitely wasn't me.

lol

Are you the DD?

'completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise'

That is not a relationship, it is a casual shag. Fine, lovely yes well done op some posters very excited for you. The problem is your recklessness and not bothering how your dc will feel. Kids do have feelings you know.

I wasn’t going to comment again on here but sometimes I just want to (very politely) scream.

How am I reckless and how am I not bothered by by DD’s feelings? I literally arrange my occasional sexual encounters according to her whereabouts, ensuring that she isn’t in the vicinity. A mistake was made yesterday which resulted in her nearly (but not actually) seeing something.

I choose, as a sexual partner, a man I know pretty well and have known for years (we first met about 12 years ago and were casual acquaintances for a decade before anything happened).

I make every effort to keep that aspect of my life separate from her. The bed gets made, I get dressed and go back to work. There is minimal pregnancy risk. There is no financial cost. There are no strangers involved. He goes nowhere in my house except for my bedroom and bathroom.

How could I be any less reckless without having no sex at all?

Well in answer to your last comment just by locking the door! you didn't so you were reckless she could have walked into friends dad shagging you.

Anywayyy you assure us you've learnt your lesson regarding doors and you'll be more careful so that is something.

My god, OP just ask for this thread to be deleted so people can stop scolding you.

Anywayyyyyyyyy I wouldn't take any advice from posters that use misogynistic phrases like -

Op's vagina getting a good seeing to.
Text next time his balls are full.
Wank bucket.
The penis of your friend inside your body.

And/or that keep repeating scenarios that didn't happen.
Or that are using the thread for a bit of creative writing.

After 24 hours there are some that are clearly going to keep posting until you express shame for what didn't happen.
The advice to abandon the thread is probably the best you'll get.

You do know there is something called Advance Search on here, don't you?

I don’t think you really understand this debate very well. Absolutely no one is criticising YOU for not wanting to have casual sex/put out/whatever you want to call it. They ARE criticising you for your appalling hypocritical mysogenstic views about women and their relationship to sex. You have heavily criticised and vastly over exaggerated the narrative to suit your side of this debate. You’ve passed judgement and embellished (OP has zero respect for her body, OP is desperately hanging on for some sign of recognition from FWB at the school gate whilst he casually ignores her because she has no self respect and is just his “wank bucket”, OP is shagging “random” men). None of those things are true nor have been indicated by OP in any way. You have surmised (wrongly) that these things must be true because OP has engaged in a casual sex arrangement with a trusted friend. You have used distasteful and shaming language about OP (she is a wank bucket! WTF!?). THIS is what you’re being judged and criticised for. And when people have retaliated on OP’s behalf and called you things like a prude or old or god bothering, you dare to align these comments to outdated tropes about girls who won’t put out, citing a lack of progress, and yet you are completely missing the delicious irony that your own poorly expressed, slut shaming views are the other side of the coin! You are the one wheeling out backward, offensive, mysogenist views about women (women who do choose to have sex in a casual way are pathetic, lack self respect, describing their intimate parts as a bucket FFS!) and yet you criticise people who have attacked your views and the way you’ve expressed them for their backward outdated views. You must be able to see the irony in that.
You have been so vile and so critical about the behaviour of someone else when it is not your place. OP didn’t come here to ask if she should be ashamed of her behaviour or asking for judgement and yet for some reason you felt your place to take this position. Naturally people have challenged you on that. Instead of accepting you have massively overstepped and really been quite offensive, you dig in harder! You started off criticising OP and when people pulled you up on it, you got upset about being criticised. What a joke!
It is absolutely fine to have your views about casual sex, but you cannot criticise other people for having their views. We are all allowed to have different views. You went in hard on OP and got what you deserved because frankly your views are anti feminist and the way you expressed them was pretty disgusting. Why are we even having a conversation in 2025 about why women should behave differently to men or else fear the judgement of others I do not know.

Also stop going on about penises @SquashedMallow. Weird!

@Lionesseses Has your daughter said anything? She clearly knows what's going on.

OP, before you get the thread deleted or it runs out of room with all the pearl clutchers piling on, I just want to say .... good on ya both for enjoying yourselves however suits you - and enjoy, which you are doing anyway.

I don't understand the madness on here.

Ugh

Grim gets chucked about on here and it's amusing.

But you are the poster girl for it

Bleuuuugh

How in earth is it grim if two single, consenting adults occasionally hook up?

And it’s just sooooooo easy to find a nice man to have this arrangement with, I’m sure the OP is tripping over them and spoilt for choice 🙄

It’s not like they’re in an actual relationship though, so if they do decide to part ways it’s little to no impact on the kids.

Not just old fashioned but out of touch and judgemental 🤷🏼‍♀️

She’s 15, not 5. I don’t understand how you think you can pull the wool over her eyes. In fact, when she finds out, as she surely will, how do you think she’ll feel knowing you’ve been shagging the dad of one of her friends? Very selfish behaviour, you can tell from your posts it’s only your feelings you care remotely about.

It is her business when you are shagging him in the house she lives in - and you're lying to her

Good on you @Lionesseses don’t stop enjoying yourself!

It’s a relationship, you do not make the rules up!

And stop referring to to me as the OP, I’m not.

Nah her attitude is bloody fabulous ..... a woman who knows what she wants ,and gets what she wants without anyone getting hurt

I don't think you ought to tell your daughter the details, it would probably do more harm than good and it may cause conflict between you. As for checking the plumbing, as your daughter is friends with his, if he's not a plumber or handyman she will see right through it, you're better sticking to coffee catch ups and just friends, it just happened you were changing the bed when he called round.