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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 23:53

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 23:48

🤣
I’m not researching you.
You have made yourself very visible on this thread, which I have followed with interest as I think the OP is amazing.
However, as a feminist and a supporter of women, I have found your comments to be outstanding.
Not in a good way, but in an awful, judgy and derogatory way.
I honestly couldn’t give a shit about what you think, and I’m sure you feel the same about me.
But there is absolutely no way you can say the things you have and not be called out on it.
And your constant “report report report!!!” is nothing short of back-pedalling.
But hey! You do you sister! (Or not)

I reported misinformation and a previous poster for harassing me and trying to encourage others to conduct advanced searches on me. I haven't reported opinions.

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 23:55

Trendyname · 10/06/2025 23:47

But you are yourself being a Billy to op calling a wank bucket.

Please can you stop this. I have covered this comment multiple times , it's getting tiring now. You don't need to quite my previous posts and display them. They're already published on this thread.

notadrift · 10/06/2025 23:55

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/06/2025 23:36

The OP situation is completely different, fgs. 🤦‍♀️
Adults.
Consent.
Long term friends.

You have sectaculary missed the point.

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 23:57

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 23:53

I reported misinformation and a previous poster for harassing me and trying to encourage others to conduct advanced searches on me. I haven't reported opinions.

Ok.
Whatever.
I think everyone knows who everyone is now.
But again, please think through what you say before you say it.
No one is ever going to think “wank bucket” is an acceptable turn of phrase.
Gerald Ratner anyone?!

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 23:59

Female vampires.

A veritable hunting ground.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/06/2025 00:03

notadrift · 10/06/2025 23:55

You have sectaculary missed the point.

Really? Spectacularly? Do enlighten....

Ilovemychocolate · 11/06/2025 00:04

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 23:59

Female vampires.

A veritable hunting ground.

Are you not one though?

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:05

I understand now why there are so many casual FWB situationships.

It's nothing to do with sex.

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:06

Ilovemychocolate · 11/06/2025 00:04

Are you not one though?

No I can roam the earth in daylight with whoever I want.

Coolcalmmoments · 11/06/2025 00:10

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

I wonder how would feel OP if your daughter had a FWB lifestyle. The mere expression makes me cringe. I feel sorry for her finding this out & regardless of lies she will know. I actually believe this is why she came home early after suspecting what was going on. It's nobody else's business but you did ask so you can expect different opinions.

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/06/2025 00:17

Coolcalmmoments · 11/06/2025 00:10

I wonder how would feel OP if your daughter had a FWB lifestyle. The mere expression makes me cringe. I feel sorry for her finding this out & regardless of lies she will know. I actually believe this is why she came home early after suspecting what was going on. It's nobody else's business but you did ask so you can expect different opinions.

She came home early because school finished early and she even rang OP to try and let her know.

I really wouldn't care if my daughter had a FWB, it would be none of my business as long as she's happy, 16+ and it's consensual.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:19

I'm not a fan of liars - tough if people don't like that. She's lying to her daughter because of someone who has zero interest in her. Her daughter should come first in this scenario. Anyway she likes mental health slurs - she can do one

Trendyname · 11/06/2025 00:20

LosingSleeping · 10/06/2025 11:19

I bet she would loved to be asked to be in a relationship.

Do I think she would turn down the affections or declarations of this man, not a chance.

That's what happens when people lose sleep. They can't tell the difference between imagination and reality.

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:20

Coolcalmmoments · 11/06/2025 00:10

I wonder how would feel OP if your daughter had a FWB lifestyle. The mere expression makes me cringe. I feel sorry for her finding this out & regardless of lies she will know. I actually believe this is why she came home early after suspecting what was going on. It's nobody else's business but you did ask so you can expect different opinions.

Apparently others are not allowed a different opinion.

It seems for many a FWB situation is something to aspire to.

I'm sure each and everyone on here hopes their daughters will follow in their footsteps.

Lovely.
You too can shag your children's friend's fathers.

We could shorten it even, the CFF lifestyle, bonus points if they are best friends,( it screws the kids up even more)

Well done.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:23

And he's definitely banging other people. You honestly think that you and him are exclusive? Give me strength. You've known one another years but he doesn't want a relationship? Why is that. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone who wants to hide me away.

Trendyname · 11/06/2025 00:23

SquashedMallow · 10/06/2025 23:55

Please can you stop this. I have covered this comment multiple times , it's getting tiring now. You don't need to quite my previous posts and display them. They're already published on this thread.

I am not publishing anything. I am saying you are being ironic calling others bullies when you have been bullying op yourself.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:25

Ilovemychocolate · 10/06/2025 23:57

Ok.
Whatever.
I think everyone knows who everyone is now.
But again, please think through what you say before you say it.
No one is ever going to think “wank bucket” is an acceptable turn of phrase.
Gerald Ratner anyone?!

Edited

What

Trendyname · 11/06/2025 00:26

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 19:06

Have I DBS checked him?? Well a) I’m not offering him a job and b) I have known him for twelve years.

DBS checked him!!

Some people, I genuinely think, are absolutely insane.

I wonder these people DBS check when they start a relationship.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:26

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 21:51

Slightly offended by how smelly you think things get when I have sex, ha!

We were a few minutes post-getting dressed. But it was probably a good half hour since any shagging had occurred. Cuddle, cuppa, showers. The heady scent of our love would have long dissipated! Had she arrived ten minutes earlier I’d have been half dressed and he’d have been in the shower.

Who cares

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:27

Trendyname · 11/06/2025 00:20

That's what happens when people lose sleep. They can't tell the difference between imagination and reality.

Yawn.

I'd rather be wanted for my whole

Rather than just my hole.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:28

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:16

I reckon she got a kick out of the risk. School is very local, daughter doing GCSEs and little formal school time, she knew it was a risk and it added to her thrill

This

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/06/2025 00:29

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:27

Yawn.

I'd rather be wanted for my whole

Rather than just my hole.

What a rampant projection imagination.

ellyeth · 11/06/2025 00:29

If your daughter asks you outright if you are having sex with this man, it would sound completely phony if you started making up stories about mending lights, fixing radiators, etc, etc. I would guess she has a pretty good idea about what was going on but if it is affecting your relationship with her - both feeling uncomfortable etc. - perhaps it would be better to be honest but to emphasize that this is not just a physical relationship but also a very good and mutually respectful friendship.

I really can't understand why some people on here are being so judgmental. It is not as if either party is being unfaithful to a partner. Nobody is deceiving anybody, there is no coercion involved and the relationship appears to be friendly but non-committal. What is wrong with that?

I am 75 by the way and am surprised that people on Mumsnet, who I expect are generally younger than that, have such puritanical views.

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:31

SamkaSabrinka · 10/06/2025 21:59

?? Is this actually for real?

Mess with? What, meet a guy who you trust/know something of, in a safe environment, and click with him.? You are both single. You are discreet.

How is this desperate? Desperate is, eg, getting drunk and wandering the streets bars and night clubs of Manchester because you need sex and love. Desperate is one night stands. Online dating hookups. Behaviour you wouldn't approve of yourself. Endangering behaviour.

Having a relaliable sexual relationship with a known and trusted guy for 2 years and being exclusive is NOT desperate.

Lots of people have one night stands. And do online dating. This has nothing to do with how the OP met this guy. It's the fact that she's lying. As is he

LosingSleeping · 11/06/2025 00:31

Roobarbtwo · 11/06/2025 00:28

This

I'll go one further.

i think she's getting tired of being hidden away.

It's reveal time.

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