Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

But on a one night stand you're just having sex, you dint know what the person likes, they dont know what you like. And that's fine too if its what you want in the moment, I've done it myself and had fun but with a trusted relationship you get to know each others little quirks etc, and maybe actually like each other too?

I take your point about one maybe getting more invested and getting hurt,yes, fair enough. But every single relationship has risks, look at the threads here today, children being ripped apart by parents separating, having affairs etc.

Those children are more damaged to me than this mum having a safe and discrete relationship with someone she respects but doesn't want in her children's life, and rest assured the door will be locked in future so why the continued judgement of her?

I apologise if I've been harsh with you, some of the wank bucket posts triggered me and that wasn't you, but your posts fascinate me as you're so against this lady.

'You couch all this as setting standards and protecting children but it's covering up your real feelings on her behaviour.'

I don't care about her behaviour. It's her dc being subjected to her friend's df in the house obviously post sesh that should be the issue here, not if a fwb is a good or bad thing,

My last long post explains how I feel, I'm sorry but I honestly don't get you...

I'll stop posting as we're going in circles and you seem happy to do that so crack on.

Did you mean to reply to me? I've had both FWB and ONS, just more ONS because of personal preference.

I'm not against OP at all.

No I didn't im really sorry🤣

My post was directed at Gloria who for some obscure reason i thought posted it.

I was posting after jumping out of the shower without my glasses on😱 Huge apologies and I'm off now as Im boring everyone senseless

No worries. 😂

Thank you for saying this 👏 I really hope these lobe Voices don't get lost all together as "progression" takes hold.

As I'm not catholic, I have absolutely no idea where you just plucked the idea that I'm defending "my religion" and supporting paedophiles. I think your posts are a disgrace. I will not be engaging with someone that holds these extreme and sensationalist accusations. Don't @ me or tag me further.

I think nothing has been conveyed about the daughter's feelings or thoughts about the matter seeing her friend's dad upstairs in her home.

Op has stated the FWB texted later laughingly posting "PHEW" so clearly he didn't want anyone to know of this arrangement and op herself has said she would be upset at this arrangement ending.

Op's recent posts show to me that she has in fact has feelings for this man, she actually sounds smitten. I believe that if he were to ask her for a relationship, opening dating she would not close that option down.
This isn't just about sex, she is revelling in this relationship.

Who currently knows, neighbours ? they can be observant and now the daughter. There is a reason for this to be covered up, no one uses this much subterfuge with a relationship unless there are nafarious reasons. Two single people who like one another very much after 2 years do not hide.

It's not about empowerment or fulfilling basic sexual needs, it's about a cladestine relationship that I think op is becoming more invested in, she is taking more risks to fit with his timetable, not hers or her daughters, she is unwilling to let this man down.
She's invested, and the tittilation and ego boost has extended into mentionitis but there is no one to listen to her pride in bagging this stallion openly.

Op is going to deny this but it's as clear as day, she's enamoured.

@LosingSleeping

haha what are you on about?
she has been very clear that she likes this current relationship but doesn’t want a relationship with him.
it is possible for a woman to have sex with a man and not fall in love with him you know.

An armchair 🕵️‍♂️

It isn't clear as day at all.

You very conveniently missed out several parts to suit your argument such as them BOTH laughing and sighing in relief, OP saying that she doesn't want a serious relationship and OP saying that both would feel upset if the arrangement ended.

So if OP is smitten then FWB is too.

Or they are just both enjoying it for as long as it works which they both probably acknowledge won't be forever.

And I think op knows full well the shame of her daughter knowing is because her daughter knows the arrangement is not fully above board.

She doesn't want her mother to to be viewed as being used by this man, rather than being in an honest open friendship and relationship.

The shame is attatched to circumstances not the timing.

This is such utter nonsense.

I’ve made my feelings clear in previous posts.

We don’t use ‘that much subterfuge’. He comes over to my house during school hours. That’s it. He doesn’t come in disguise or through the woods to the back door. I don’t ’cover it up’. I just don’t tell people about my sex life. Nobody at all knows I have a sex life at all in fact, apart from him and my GP!

‘Bagging this stallion’?? Ha! For God’s sake.

I bet she would loved to be asked to be in a relationship.

Do I think she would turn down the affections or declarations of this man, not a chance.

This post was honesty.

That's the difference between the posters who lie to themselves and those who do not.

Maybe it is the FWB who would actually love to be in a relationship.

Or they are both simply happy with the way things are since they are both single.

I can see my post has hit a nerve with many of you.

It's scary isn't it.

Reality is, it takes strength facing your potential.

No, he doesn't want to openly declare his affections.

Ha! I wouldn’t worry OP, most teenagers are so self absorbed she probably won’t even be that curious about why he was there. A friend having coffee should be enough info that she won’t think about it again.

Parent’s lives are just not that interesting to kids!

Are you OK?

Exactly what I said!

How on earth would you know that?

Fuck me

Rest easy lads we've got Columbo on the thread to sort us all out

Shame he's been drinking so early in the day though

Because if he's the kind of guy to repeatedly go round and shag someone secretly for 2 years, he's not the kind of guy to be scared about what he wants.

He doesn't want op.