Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

I'm not sure I am 100% convinced he is single too...

Unless you are both full-time single parents with no Ex on the scene, wouldn't you be at each others' houses on non-custody days?

Really not grim
what's wrong with you?!

What do you mean?? Their kids are teenagers. At school during the day.

I disagree with you here.

From a safety perspective the OP has chosen well. She knows the guy and is going to be pretty safe here. OLD or a guy from the pub would be far more riskier.

This arrangement has been ongoing successfully for years with any of the daughters none the wiser. They both appear to be discreet and hardly flaunting this arrangement.

I see no problem.

Just make sure he tells his DD the same story so that if it comes up there is no awkwardness between the girls

Only on MN would you be called grim for this

OP don't you know as a single mum you should be celebate until your child is at least 21 🙄

Exactly, the kids can walk home by themselves, and let themselves in which means there is a risk of discovery. Also, as they are old enough to to be alone at home - you get more shagging time if you are in the non-custody person's home.

She’s 15. She knows what you were up too.

@BeachRidei just found some pearls - did you drop them clutching that hard?

I’d play it down the plumbing sounds like a good call. However I know my teen would have clocked the coffee cups. It’s hard because if you tell her the truth she will find it weird and if you don’t she may have a rough idea anyway. You aren’t together and you don’t need her to know it’s just sex!

I just really want to know what kind of jobs you both have to be that free on a Monday🤣 I hope you shift workers and not WFH as that will create a whole new topic 🫢

Yep agree. At 15 she is trying to save you embarrassment but she knows!

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business

you have made it her “business”

added to which, you’re with him in and her home, so yep… it is her business

She knows what you were doing - she's not daft.

Just make sure you both have your stories straight - and maybe think next time before you start shagging her mates' dad!

Is she going her GCSEs? Or in year 10?

She knows exactly what he was doing there, and his daughter will too soon enough 🤣

but so what? As long as both are single then you are setting examples to your daughter of how a relationship can be maintained casually without it having to be marriage or nothing. As long as nobody feels used or dirty then have your FWB and enjoy it

Ha! We do both have office type jobs that are largely home based but I take a couple of TOIL hours. I’m not on the job on the job! Weekday daytimes are the only time we have really cos the kids are there on weekends.

Even for MN I’m surprised by the ‘grim’ stuff. Two single people in their 40s having sex occasionally. It’s hardly orgies in an opium den. I’m absolutely not wasting my time trying to justify it.

100% your teen knows you are shagging. All you can do is deny, deny and deny some more.

Nice to know pious slut shaming is alive and well in the year of our lord 2025.

I’m not sure why you shouldn’t be honest with your DD if you can find a way to do it. A FWB relationship is nothing to be ashamed of if you’re both free & single.

I have a little bit of difficulty with the concept of lying to my kids. They will figure out later and wonder why you lied and I think it will inform their relationship with you. She is 15 - tell her the truth in an age appropriate way. Honesty is the best policy

Keep it vague. "We're friends, we have coffee sometimes". And stop there. I've been guilty of overexplaining things, giving DC more info than necessary. Ask questions with other questions, so you can understand how much she understands (my kids are very perceptive, and yet some things fly over their heads - specially the things they don't want to see)

WTF with the "grim" comments. Nothing grim about it, OP.

I'd very briefly and slightly vaguely outline the situation to your DD just so she knows and she can decide who to tell based on the facts rather than putting her foot in it to her friend "oh, your Dad was upstairs in my house!" without realising. I'd also assume at 15 she has an inkling of what was going on anyway. I'd say something like "we sometimes get together but neither of us wants an actual relationship so don't worry, he's not going to be your new stepdad or anything, haha". It'll be a bit cringe but better option than lying imo.

Me and my husband both WFH, leaves a lot of time for that since no kids in the house. Who needs to eat lunch on their lunch break 😂

Or forever.
Once your lady garden has done the only job it is there for, the birthing of delightful offspring, it should be closed up like a whelk stall in winter, for the rest of your life.