Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Yes they are liars.

And there will be a reason for that.

There are plenty of women on here who relate details of their terrible married lives - men who treat them so badly, who care nothing for their children, who are totally selfish and oblivious to their wives' needs.

The OP and her daughter appear to have a reasonably happy and settled home life, without such problems. But the OP has not taken holy orders - she has a right to a personal life, and it seems to me that the arrangement she has is far preferable for her and her daughter to that which many other women have.

Maybe OP has had her share of bs from relationships and has found something comfortable and satisfying that doesn't interfere in her daughter's home and life.
Sounds like that to me.

The fact that he goes to her house only and not the other way around is a massive red flag. Seriously. You have no idea what he might be hiding and it's potentially another woman. Sorry but the friends with benefits is just tosh. I suspect the OP likes this guy more than she's letting on and he doesn't want to take it further. If you don't go to his house to do the deed - he's hiding something. He's also using you. This is standing in the way of you having a proper relationship. And I suspect you know it.

Two years of good sex means nothing if it's going nowhere and affecting your relationship with your daughter. Stop hiding this. Because one day you will be caught in the act and your daughter will hate you for lying

What kind of relationships do you have with your daughters.

Op even had the ordacity to text her lover and have a good laugh about how they'd treated her daughter like a mug.

Poor lass.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Best one ever

Fuck me it's hilarious and no more needed to be said

The OMG posts get a bit boring.

But understandable.

Hideaway.

Ordacity! Treated like a mug!

Thread keeps delivering!

I'm terribly sorry but I haven't a fucking clue what you're trying to say..

I'm sure it's very poignant but as I'm off for a kip illl review it in the morning

You have had some spectacularly ott replies on this thread OP and I salute you for having managed to answer them with wit and aplomb.
I think your situation sounds enviable and is obviously ideal for your needs at this point in your life.
Personally I think the naysayers and judgemental prudes are seriously jealous that you have a happy life, a good relationship with your DD and a great sex life with a nice man - on your terms. How many women in their 40s can tick these boxes?
As far as the near miss with your daughter goes, it looks that's now blown over which must be a relief. I was once similarly nearly caught out having afternoon sex with my DH when one of my then teen DDs appeared home unexpectedly. Even though we weren't caught in flagrante, she cottoned on to what was happening as we were both still only half dressed. She was a bit grossed out as I think she had never really thought that her parents might still have sex 😂. Your DD might be similarly grossed out by the idea you have sex at all rather than the FWB aspect of it. Either way if she subsequently realises what's going on I'm sure she'll get over it without any major trauma 😉

Fantastic arrangement.

IMHO the important thing is not lying to your DD. Kids that age aren’t daft. If she asked if you’re seeing each other, she probably has a good idea what you were up to. And may have talked to her friend about it.

I’d leave it there. If she asks again, say you’re friendly and he pops over sometimes. If she asks if you have sex, be honest, but say you’d rather no one else knows, as it’s your private business. You may have to explain at that point it’s healthy, safe, consensual, respectful and fun sex, which all sex should be.

Might be more difficult to avoid her walking in on you if she’s Year 11. If you lock the door on the inside, it’ll be worse for her: shut out of her own home and because he’s there.

Say you didn't want cups in the bathroom (where he was checking the plumbing!) in case they got knocked in the bath/sink. As there are no seats in the bathroom you sat on the bed to drink the tea/coffee - simples.... .

Firstly Ignore the grims.

Go with fixing the plumbing or wardrobe or quoting for decorating .
Dont talk about fwb with daughter. Can be so unpredictable ( with their reaction and attitude) at this young age and exams coming up.
Down play it .Dont talk about it unless she brings it up ,then answer her . And going forwards be very very careful .

Reminds me of Alan Partridge: "Better make it an hour. I want to have a shower before and ideally, afterwards"

Must be reading a different thread to me. OP seems just as happy with keeping it private and on the down low as the guy.

Or FWB

Dog with bone

POT KETTLE BLACK

Tbh I would tell your daughter. I would sit her down and be open. She most certainly will understand the concept of friends with benefits. I would use this as a conversation to empower her. In year 11 she is old enough to understand that her mother is still a woman with normal biological desires but you have no intention of it being a full blown relationship. Explain that your focus is on your lives but you get on well with the chap and there is a mutual arrangement. We’re too prudish in this country and being a little more open might ensure you daughter understand that as an adult, she can enjoy a physical relationship of her own without having to settle into an unhappy relationship or feeling obligated to a partnership too young

Mary whitehouse is that you?

Ugh. You sound like a teenager.

“I sHaggEd HIm”
Well done?

This post just feels… grotty.
And I feel for your daughter, being mocked online.

Grow up. It’s just sex. Not something to giggle about online.

'Because you are demonstrating that it is OK to have casual sex with someone you are not in a relationship with.'

It is. Are people ok?

AKA OP you’re a wank bucket!

We can see you!

And it’s your view of how men view women.

Because you can’t view that a women has perfect autonomy over how she chooses to have sex with a partner and can be perfectly happy with occasional NSA sex.

You also are trying to think for men, which you can’t do. Some men have misogynistic awful views like you, some are sensible enough and have a decent mind and realise that women can choose how and when they have sex, enjoy it for what it is.

You’ve totally missed my point haven’t you? I explained back on like page 29 or whatever that the reason people are attacking you is because YOU have attacked the OP and anyone else who engages in a casual sex arrangement. I will reiterate that you have used mysogenist language, you have embellished the description of what happened, made judgements about the OP’s character and you have expressed yourself very poorly indeed, which I think you came to realise as you started back tracking and saying “oh but I never said…..” Except you did. You did call her those things even if you’ve subsequently tried to wriggle out of it. An apology might have been better. To be fair, “wank bucket” was only one of the choice mysogenist phrases you conjured up. You criticised and criticised. You were really offensive. But when people attacked you (not so much for your views, which you’re entitled to, but the way you passed judgement, the way you expressed them, your whole attitude), you became offended!! Good lord woman, you can’t write that sort of offensive judgemental rubbish and then cry out about personal attacks on you yourself! What did you think you were doing? I understand what you’re saying about young girls being impressionable and although I am a liberal person when it comes to sex, I don’t want my teenage DD putting it about until she is old enough to understand a bit more about sex and the complicated way it can impact on self esteem. It’s not that people don’t understand your concerns. They are valid concerns to be fair. But you should own the fact that you have attacked the OP for doing nothing wrong (if I read one more person saying she is engaging in sex with “random men”, I will actually scream out loud!). She has a very mature and mutually beneficial arrangement with someone she knows and trusts. There is nothing wrong with that at all. She doesn’t have to be committed to a man in order to have sex with him. She is absolutely not, in any way, responsible for the downfall of future generations. I think you have a genuine concern but I think you have wrongly used OP as an example of debauched behaviour when in fact you’re barking up the wrong tree. This is not someone who habitually invites random men back to the home she shares with her DD to engage in ONS, although you seem to be tarring anyone who engages in any form of casual sex with the same brush and suggesting we are all having it away with mucky randoms all hours of the day without any thought for the poor children!!! Truthfully there are different casual sex arrangements. Some are like OP’s (mature, trusting), some are very different. Not all casual sex is created equal!! You’ve got a bee in your bonnet and have aimed your sights at OP and you have used some very unfortunate turns of phrase. This is why people are attacking you. It is NOT because you believe sex should be within the confines of a committed relationship. I don’t agree with you, but I certainly wouldn’t attack you for holding that view. Also, you do know women are not responsible for the poor behaviour of men don’t you?

Well that is absolutely batshit.