What outcome would you want if your DH did this?

[Caughtup]

Posting for your opinions
Recently found out my DH has been going to naked nightclub, tantric workshops, plus had a sti check (clear) and equipped himself with comprehensive kit for safe sex.
He said he only danced with other women (naked) and did not do anything, but was prepared to it the opportunity was there
Described the tantric workshop as fully clothed and just hugging
He thinks I am being unreasonable not to want to work on our relationship and seek counselling ( which I previously had suggested and he declined)
At the moment, all I can feel is disgusted, revulsion and really insignificant
How would others feel if you are in my shoes?

I'd be divorcing him. There's no coming back from that level of betrayal

Divorce. That’s too far for me.

I would feel my marriage is over OP.

Divorce, no other option for me

I'd say he should pick a window - he's leaving.

Divorce him

Divorce.

Thanks, he is doing my head in, making out I am being unreasonable for not wanting to try. Even if he has not done the deed, his intention was there and behaviours beyond weird

There’s no coming back from that.

One very simple question for him;

"If you didn't do anything sexual, why did you feel the need to have an STI check?"

He was fully prepared to cheat and would have if one of the women was up for it.

His complete lack of remorse is on another level.

This. So sorry you're going through this OP. What a hideous shock. Don't let him gaslight you about this. It doesn't matter whether or not he 'actually' did anything, he was very seriously intending to

He’s fully exploring a sexual life outside of your marriage and made no attempt to include you in that. He wasn’t thinking about you. He is only thinking about himself and his own desires.
Remember that when he claims he wants to work on the marriage and try couples therapy, because he wasn’t thinking of you as a couple when he’s gone into a whole new world of exploration as a single man…
Whether he’s had sex or not, he’s broken the trust and betrayed you. He’s already crossed boundaries and made plans to cross even more. Regarding the sti test, either he has had unprotected sex with someone else already or was preparing to have unprotected sex, either way, he’s willing to put your sexual health at risk. How can you possibly feel safe with someone like that?
Is he even showing full genuine remorse or is he just saying what needs to be said because he’s been caught out?
So sorry you’re going through this. Protect yourself at all costs…

I’d feel same as you. Why didn’t he fancy going to counselling and working on you himself before betraying you?

Naked nightclub?! What the hell?
Outcome? Divorce.

He has said 2 answers to this, first so he could prove it was clear should he have had chance to have sexual activity, then he said it was because the toilets at the club were grim

100% divorce.
Whether or not he has done anything is beside the point...he planned too.

Free, repulsed, divorced and determined to get the very best financial outcome too so quite busy finding good representation, making sure I have full details of his money and pension etc

I’d be ending it and getting divorced due to the weirdo behaviour regardless of anything sexual that he may or may not have done.

Dancing around naked with strangers, standing around hugging and naked nightclubs..wtf

I think almost the most concerning thing is that he has jumped feet first into this covert swingers lifestyle—tantric sex for the punters ?? OMFG (sic)—and is gaslighting you by asserting this is normal and you should want to participate. This isn’t taking up orienteering or hill walking. Its sex with strangers.

Your marriage is over and, not only did he end it he blew it apart.

Nothing to discuss, just straight divorce.

He thinks that you are stupid. Of course he cheated. Even if he truly hasn’t he has it would be game over for me.

Backhander across the chops and divorce (no, I'm not really advocating DV ...)

So the intent was there. And he wanted the 'dirty loo seat' get out clause.

What a prince amongst men. I hope your next husband is better. X

OMG! @Caughtup 🙈🙈🙈

Gutted for you, personally could not condone this at all😢