What outcome would you want if your DH did this?

[Caughtup]

Posting for your opinions
Recently found out my DH has been going to naked nightclub, tantric workshops, plus had a sti check (clear) and equipped himself with comprehensive kit for safe sex.
He said he only danced with other women (naked) and did not do anything, but was prepared to it the opportunity was there
Described the tantric workshop as fully clothed and just hugging
He thinks I am being unreasonable not to want to work on our relationship and seek counselling ( which I previously had suggested and he declined)
At the moment, all I can feel is disgusted, revulsion and really insignificant
How would others feel if you are in my shoes?

He has said 2 answers to this, first so he could prove it was clear should he have had chance to have sexual activity,

I suppose you're too hurt to laugh in his face at that, but how he thinks that is a defence or argument in his favour is risible.

He's admitted that had anyone wanted to shag him, he would have. He didn't get laid because no-one wanted him, not because he is faithful.

Grim.
Divorce.

Divorce. Eeewww.

God, that's weird. Where do you even find such places? He's a creep OP, take him for all he's worth.

Haha he thinks you're the unreasonable one. What a dickhead.

I wouldn't even need to think about it. Divorce and his shit would be in bags outside the house.

Divorce. There’s no other option.

He says he was looking for a form of release of frustration as we have not been intimate for a while - there is a back story to issues in our relationship leading to me not feeling inclined in this area,

Divorce.

There's nothing left to work on.

What even is a naked nightclub? I’ve heard of a lot of things in my time and been into a lot of quite interesting stuff. I’m really not sure this is a thing. Swingers club, yes. There will be dancing, but no such thing as a naked nightclub.

I'd be divorcing him for his idiotic comments about the toilets, he assumes you're bloody stupid OP. There's no coming back from this. I wouldn't be able to look at him.

What did he say when you laughed in his face at this pathetic explanation?

Frankly, it doesn't matter what he wants. What do you want? He made his choices and they certainly were not in your best interests, you are now totally reasonable to choose what works for you. If that is divorce, so be it, it is a consequence of the choices he made, and if he is honest with himself and you, he must have known that was a possibility.
Oh, and "toilet seat" my eye!!!

The only outcome would be divorce.

and do his needs trump yours, in your mind @Caughtup?

NO, they do not, do not be his apologist because HE does not fulfill YOUR needs.

Still your fault, then!

I admit to a fairly strong bias against sleeping with the kind of man who goes to a naked nightclub, but I can't help feeling some sympathy for your position of not having wanted to shag him much recently. But he could have entertained your suggestion of seeking counselling, or he could have asked you if, in the circs, you minded if he sought sex outside the marriage, or he could have ended the marriage and looked for a new relationship. Instead of which he behaved in a way that should prompt you to end the marriage immediately. Which is on him.

I’d have thought a decent man would have suggested couples counselling FIRST rather than going solo to tantric gatherings where he admits he was open to shagging other people, wouldn’t you?

I hope you scoffed at him when he said that. He thinks you’re stupid!

He’s a liar

I don't want to google. I can't think of anything LESS appealing than a load of adults jiggling around to the Communards in the buff, but I haven't been to a nightclub for many years...

Divorce.

Gaslighting. Feel your power, ignite him, walk away and enjoy the best of your life. He gives me the ick just reading about what he’s put you through

naked nightclub, tantric workshops,

Which is it, a nightclub or a workshop?

Anyway it's definitely divorce worthy.

Divorce. I can’t believe he’s done this but apparently YOU’RE the one breaking up the marriage?! The absolute definition of chutzpah. I’m so sorry OP.

Two completely separate things, different organisations

Pretentious sex-club.

Head on a spike, displayed outside the house to warn the next one.

No, the outcome would be divorce. And I wouldn’t be shy about telling everyone exactly what he did, including very conservative grandparents because I’m sure they’d be prying as to why.

Divorce. You don’t need any excuse or reason to divorce but as these things go they are superb reasons for divorce.