What outcome would you want if your DH did this?

[Caughtup]

Posting for your opinions
Recently found out my DH has been going to naked nightclub, tantric workshops, plus had a sti check (clear) and equipped himself with comprehensive kit for safe sex.
He said he only danced with other women (naked) and did not do anything, but was prepared to it the opportunity was there
Described the tantric workshop as fully clothed and just hugging
He thinks I am being unreasonable not to want to work on our relationship and seek counselling ( which I previously had suggested and he declined)
At the moment, all I can feel is disgusted, revulsion and really insignificant
How would others feel if you are in my shoes?

Toilets were grim? Did he need a shit half way through the night and have to sit down on the seat? What rubbish!

sorry that would be the end for me!

now got visions of sweaty middle aged naked bodies with jiggling bits doing helicopters yuk

I'd kick him into touch just for insulting my intelligence with such nonsense.

He's admitted to trying to cheat on you.
I think given the STI test, he likely did.
So it's over

Oh, so it's your fault. Of course.
What an utter pig.He sounds nastier with every post.
I hope you can toss out this tosser post haste, OP.

Sorry you're going through such a hard time OP, but Christ the idea of a naked nightclub is so bloody weird! Does he mean a sex club, with little rooms to slink off to? Or does he quite literally mean a nightclub, with everyone dancing and having a few drinks? If so, imagine all the hard-ons bobbing about!

Narcissistic pig. Divorce the pervert.
I'm sorry, OP 💐

Divorce.

So him 'going to naked nightclub, tantric workshops, plus had a sti check (clear) and equipped himself with comprehensive kit for safe sex' is him 'working on your marriage?

Bin him. Don't bother with counselling. You don't need councelling to know that he is an unfaithful twat.

So he thought he caught an STI from a dirty public toilet, eh? Where exactly was he putting the tip of his penis in this disgusting loo…?

Trying to make it a you issue is almost the worst part! Horrible, clearly well thought out betrayal which is just so disrespectful. There isn’t a middle ground here is there?
id be telling the world why you were separating, don’t let your shame and hurt make this easy for him.

Divorce and never to see him again

plus had a sti check (clear) and equipped himself with comprehensive kit for safe sex. He said he only danced with other women (naked) and did not do anything, but was prepared to it the opportunity was there

He said he only danced with them and didn't do anything, so why have the sti check. And anyway, he planned to do something because he got a kit for safe sex so he'd already cheated in his own head whether or not he actually did something.
In the future the opportunity might present itself and then he'll do something, if he hasn't already.

I think you should LTB.

I am so sorry @Caughtup .

I think everyone would make a different decision due to how they've been brought up, how they feel about themselves and what their financial and home situation is.

I did stay when my h had an affair but left years later over something he said.

BTW it doesn't matter what he thinks about you not wanting to work on what he broke. You don't need his permission to do or not do things.

YABU to consider working on the relationship.

I'm sorry but he should be gone imme.

So sorry he betrayed you like that.

Why should you have to go to counselling because he's decided he wants to become a swinger on the sly?!

Tell him to get fucked. Looks like he's already been doing that anyway. Naked nightclubs?! What the actual fuck even is that. And tantra workshops that involve fully clothed hugging?

I don't even think he's being fully honest about his seedy 'hobbies'.

Men always blame their wives for the lack of sex but instead of being adult and discussing they try and fuck someone else.

#ExHAlsoBlamedMeForHisAffair. Except his reason was I had an ex I still cared about 🙄. Ex knew from three weeks in, married me after 3.5 years. Had kids. Decades together. Twat.

So I’ve always thought that after 20+ years of marriage, if my DH was to cheat on me as a one-off, that I’d try and forgive and work on the marriage if he also wanted to.

But the premeditated situation you describe is awful. There’s no way I could get past that whether he had shagged anyone or not.

I wouldn't feel inclined to fuck someone who went to naked nightclubs and tantric workshops, either

OP he's DTD. Time to bin him off.

Do they have lockers, or ‘disrobing’ rooms?

So your DH is telling you he might have gotten an STI from dirty toilet seats? That takes the cake in this woeful scenario.

Agreed.

Its a bit like manslaughter and murder.

If my dh had an impulsive drunken snog that's one thing... but what your DH has done is premeditated
Lots of planning deliberation and lies.

Divorce would sadly be my only option and I'd have zero interest in counselling

These men!

My life

Divorce. What did he expect?