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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Everything says she cheated, but did she?

150 replies

thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 20:12

Help!! Am I going mad??

My wife went out last weekend with her friends and was staying out for the night, she gave me a kiss and promised she'd message me during the night and left. I got a message nearly 7 hours later when she was getting ready to go to bed, couple of messages back and forth, then got my head down and went to sleep.

She was due to be at work early the next morning. 2 hours after she should have started work I was heading out to the shop and would pass where she had stayed the night. As I got near, I got a message, she hadn't gone to work but would be home soon. I rang her, no answer, no answer, no answer. I passed where she had stayed and her car was in the car park.
I carried on driving, went to the shop, rang her, no answer.

About to head home, I checked her location and she was still there, rang her, no answer. I had a gut feeling and on my way home I turned into the car park. Rang her, no answer.

The place she stayed was a motel type of place, and I could see from when I checked her location pretty much where she/her phone was. There were 4 in a row, 3 had already been vacated, so I knocked on the door of the one still in use. No answer.

I asked an employee if they could help me, they said they would go get someone.

The manager came out, I explained the situation, pointed out my wifes car, explained what was going on - to be told my wife was in the room I had knocked on with another man.
The manager told me the man she was with had just called reception saying they were ready to leave, but wouldn't until I left. The managers advice was to leave and deal with your wife when she gets home.

My wife and I had it out, she denied everything, anything I said she had an answer for. She told me she stayed in a different room number, told me if I had gone into reception I would have seen her, we must have missed each other by seconds.

The next morning I went back to the hotel to complain that I had been told something that could destroy my marriage. It was the same manager, during our discussion they showed me evidence that the room my wife says she was in on the night, it was empty! They obviously couldn't show me CCTV footage, but they told me that they saw her arrive and go straight to the room and not check in, they told me she was in the bar during the night with a man, not her friends. They told me she was not having breakfast on the morning like she said she was.
They told me after I left they collected the keys from the room, spoke to the man who apologised about the trouble, saying my wife told him she was separated.
The manager told me my wife was stood in the room, back to the door. I asked them to describe her, and they described my wife exactly!!

Why would the hotel lie? My wife denies everything, but cannot provide any proof...maybe her word should be good enough, but everything the hotel have told me, shown me, suggests she has cheated.

Am I mad?

If she had simply gone to work, none of this would have happened, I'd have had no reason to be calling her, no 'gut feeling' to go into the hotel. Maybe she would have still done whatever has happened, but I'd be oblivious.

OP posts:
Tillybud81 · 29/04/2024 20:27

Doesn't sound good, sorry to say. You need to tell her what the hotel have told you and see what she says then

K8ate · 29/04/2024 20:46

I’m really sorry to confirm your worst suspicions and feelings.

But yes, from what you have written, any rational person would agree that it’s a 99% certainty that she stayed overnight with this other man.

DrJonesIpresume · 29/04/2024 20:49

It was unbelievably unprofessional of the hotel staff to tell you all of that.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 29/04/2024 20:52

I think you know what happened. It's very likely she cheated. She need to speak to her.

IamII · 29/04/2024 20:52

A hotel gave out all that information to a random man, CCTV footage and everything? Really?

ChangeAgain2 · 29/04/2024 20:53

I'm surprised that the motel told you anything. It's incredibly bad for business to snitch on your occupants/ customers. I don't understand why they do would tell you but I also don't understand what they would have by lying.

Hunreasonable · 29/04/2024 21:05

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TiramisuTastesDreamy · 29/04/2024 21:08

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Barleysugar86 · 29/04/2024 21:12

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HopeFloatsAbove · 29/04/2024 21:33

I am sure any hotel business is under data protection of sort, surely a man off the street cannot just demand information. Plus you sound really unhinged calling, checking location over and over again, driving by etc.

If your wife cheated then you are the only person who knows your own limits on what you will tolerate re the cheating , meaning, do you stay or is this it. If this is true that is.

excelledyourself · 29/04/2024 21:38

No advice, other than to say, do vulnerable people everywhere a favour and name this motel.

momtoboys · 29/04/2024 21:41

Ok. This one HAS to be a windup, right?? No one could have this much damning evidence of cheating and still be looking for a reasonable explanation!

savethatkitty · 29/04/2024 21:47

Yeah, cool story bro.

Hotel/motel/employees/managers etc would never spill the tea like that.

What if it was a safe house? Or a stalker & Joe Blow swans in looking for Jane Doe.. Sure mate, she's in room 12. I don't think so.

OneThreadOnly · 29/04/2024 21:52

So that didn’t happen.

ManchesterBeatrice · 29/04/2024 21:54

Chat GPT

ManchesterBeatrice · 29/04/2024 21:55

savethatkitty · 29/04/2024 21:47

Yeah, cool story bro.

Hotel/motel/employees/managers etc would never spill the tea like that.

What if it was a safe house? Or a stalker & Joe Blow swans in looking for Jane Doe.. Sure mate, she's in room 12. I don't think so.

Aye chinny

ManchesterBeatrice · 29/04/2024 21:56

Come on everyone 🤣

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/04/2024 21:57

Probably a one post wonder.

PhuckyNell · 29/04/2024 21:58

This hotel has to conform with gdpr laws so I call bulshit

IncompleteSenten · 29/04/2024 21:59

PhuckyNell · 29/04/2024 21:58

This hotel has to conform with gdpr laws so I call bulshit

Indeed.
Hotels simply do not do this.

thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 23:36

Tillybud81 · 29/04/2024 20:27

Doesn't sound good, sorry to say. You need to tell her what the hotel have told you and see what she says then

I’ve told her. She still denies it. In fact she’s gone from telling me she’d do the same I did, to now blaming me for causing a drama.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 23:37

K8ate · 29/04/2024 20:46

I’m really sorry to confirm your worst suspicions and feelings.

But yes, from what you have written, any rational person would agree that it’s a 99% certainty that she stayed overnight with this other man.

Exactly. That’s exactly how I feel, I just don’t want to believe it.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 23:39

DrJonesIpresume · 29/04/2024 20:49

It was unbelievably unprofessional of the hotel staff to tell you all of that.

Yeah it is, she said the same on Saturday night and my reply was that I had half a mind to go in and complain, which I did…

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 23:41

EveryOtherNameTaken · 29/04/2024 20:52

I think you know what happened. It's very likely she cheated. She need to speak to her.

She denies it. But other than ‘her word’ she cannot give me anything to suggest she’s innocent.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 23:46

IamII · 29/04/2024 20:52

A hotel gave out all that information to a random man, CCTV footage and everything? Really?

They told me she was in the room I was knocking on the door of. When I went back they told me about the CCTV, didn’t show me. They did show me that the room she claims to have stayed in was not booked out on that night, that’s when I saw the name of the man that booked the room I’m told she was in.

OP posts: