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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Everything says she cheated, but did she?

150 replies

thebadmanuk · 29/04/2024 20:12

Help!! Am I going mad??

My wife went out last weekend with her friends and was staying out for the night, she gave me a kiss and promised she'd message me during the night and left. I got a message nearly 7 hours later when she was getting ready to go to bed, couple of messages back and forth, then got my head down and went to sleep.

She was due to be at work early the next morning. 2 hours after she should have started work I was heading out to the shop and would pass where she had stayed the night. As I got near, I got a message, she hadn't gone to work but would be home soon. I rang her, no answer, no answer, no answer. I passed where she had stayed and her car was in the car park.
I carried on driving, went to the shop, rang her, no answer.

About to head home, I checked her location and she was still there, rang her, no answer. I had a gut feeling and on my way home I turned into the car park. Rang her, no answer.

The place she stayed was a motel type of place, and I could see from when I checked her location pretty much where she/her phone was. There were 4 in a row, 3 had already been vacated, so I knocked on the door of the one still in use. No answer.

I asked an employee if they could help me, they said they would go get someone.

The manager came out, I explained the situation, pointed out my wifes car, explained what was going on - to be told my wife was in the room I had knocked on with another man.
The manager told me the man she was with had just called reception saying they were ready to leave, but wouldn't until I left. The managers advice was to leave and deal with your wife when she gets home.

My wife and I had it out, she denied everything, anything I said she had an answer for. She told me she stayed in a different room number, told me if I had gone into reception I would have seen her, we must have missed each other by seconds.

The next morning I went back to the hotel to complain that I had been told something that could destroy my marriage. It was the same manager, during our discussion they showed me evidence that the room my wife says she was in on the night, it was empty! They obviously couldn't show me CCTV footage, but they told me that they saw her arrive and go straight to the room and not check in, they told me she was in the bar during the night with a man, not her friends. They told me she was not having breakfast on the morning like she said she was.
They told me after I left they collected the keys from the room, spoke to the man who apologised about the trouble, saying my wife told him she was separated.
The manager told me my wife was stood in the room, back to the door. I asked them to describe her, and they described my wife exactly!!

Why would the hotel lie? My wife denies everything, but cannot provide any proof...maybe her word should be good enough, but everything the hotel have told me, shown me, suggests she has cheated.

Am I mad?

If she had simply gone to work, none of this would have happened, I'd have had no reason to be calling her, no 'gut feeling' to go into the hotel. Maybe she would have still done whatever has happened, but I'd be oblivious.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 29/04/2024 23:50

I'm struggling to believe they told you all that. Women have been murdered by their husbands for less.

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:19

ChangeAgain2 · 29/04/2024 20:53

I'm surprised that the motel told you anything. It's incredibly bad for business to snitch on your occupants/ customers. I don't understand why they do would tell you but I also don't understand what they would have by lying.

Yeah, I am surprised as anyone. I don't know what I expected to happen in the heat of the moment, maybe 'we will try and find her' but didn't expect, she's in the room you've been knocking on but they won't come out until you've left.

OP posts:
jumpingjacksss · 30/04/2024 00:22

Hmm

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Seriously, I get what you are saying, we have CCTV at work and I have to comply with GDPR. This is not a wind up, this geniunely happened, the manager even told me she'd been cheated on and felt for me finding out like this.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It isn't, it happened and my marriage is hanging by a thread right now...

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This is in the UK, but is a motel, rooms outside the main building which has a restaurant/bar.
I could have been a stalker, or abusive ex absolutely, but I am her husband. I mean, the manager did her job, she got rid of me at the point in time so they could safely leave the room without me seeing them.

As my wife said, it was incredibly unprofessional what they did, that's why I went back, but they willingly provided me with more evidence against her.

OP posts:
yhk · 30/04/2024 00:30

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:24

It isn't, it happened and my marriage is hanging by a thread right now...

Then cut the thread. You've heard all of the evidence you need to hear to know that she has done the dirty on you.

purpleme12 · 30/04/2024 00:38

Mmmm right

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:41

HopeFloatsAbove · 29/04/2024 21:33

I am sure any hotel business is under data protection of sort, surely a man off the street cannot just demand information. Plus you sound really unhinged calling, checking location over and over again, driving by etc.

If your wife cheated then you are the only person who knows your own limits on what you will tolerate re the cheating , meaning, do you stay or is this it. If this is true that is.

Yeah, I said it in another reply. I didn't expect them to tell me what they did. I guess I expected them to see if they could find her or something, she must be here somewhere...but I did have the gut feeling!
I'm not unhinged, she was due at work at 7am, I was on my way to the shop at 9am when I got the the text to say she hadn't gone. She should have been at work, not at the motel. I rang her initially out of concern why she hadn't gone to work, her not answering made matters worse after I'd been to the shop etc and she still wasn't answering,

That a side, yeah, I do need to decide what to do now because other than 'her word' she has nothing. The hotel have bizarrely given me more evidence than she has.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 30/04/2024 00:46

Well it’s mind-boggling that the motel provided the information, but I do believe you, @thebadmanuk. In my view, your Wife did cheat and she is now vigorously gaslighting you. She can’t believe that her devious scheme has backfired.

Is she normally secretive, self-serving, and entitled?

This was a huge betrayal and calls for a sharp consequence.

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:47

excelledyourself · 29/04/2024 21:38

No advice, other than to say, do vulnerable people everywhere a favour and name this motel.

I'd love to, if this is some joke by the hotel, it's a sick joke and my marriage is literally hanging by a thread now, not just because of what I'm told, what I've been shown, my wife has now turned on me.
She initially told me she'd have done exactly the same as I did, in fact she'd have knocked on every door until she found me. 2 days later, I am the bad man...

I am calling the police tomorrow (reagarding CCTV) and seeking legal advice re: GDPR etc.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:51

momtoboys · 29/04/2024 21:41

Ok. This one HAS to be a windup, right?? No one could have this much damning evidence of cheating and still be looking for a reasonable explanation!

I promise you, not a wind up - I guess I just don't want to believe it...I never expected all this, if only she'd gone to work then I'd be none the wiser. Might have still had a cheating wife, but hey...

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:53

savethatkitty · 29/04/2024 21:47

Yeah, cool story bro.

Hotel/motel/employees/managers etc would never spill the tea like that.

What if it was a safe house? Or a stalker & Joe Blow swans in looking for Jane Doe.. Sure mate, she's in room 12. I don't think so.

100% this is the truth. In fact, the more people I see doubting me, the more I am determined to get this sorted through legal channels. There will be CCTV of me talking to the manager and them showing me the room books etc, unless they knew CCTV didn't reach where we were sat when we spoke.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:54

OneThreadOnly · 29/04/2024 21:52

So that didn’t happen.

it did, it has...

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:55

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/04/2024 21:57

Probably a one post wonder.

No.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:56

PhuckyNell · 29/04/2024 21:58

This hotel has to conform with gdpr laws so I call bulshit

Yeah they should. Like I said in another reply, I didn't expect what the told me...equally, the next day I didn't expect even more evidence.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 30/04/2024 00:56

So you're going to get the CCTV so you can show Mumsnet it's true?

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:57

IncompleteSenten · 29/04/2024 21:59

Indeed.
Hotels simply do not do this.

They did, they have...

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 00:59

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/04/2024 23:50

I'm struggling to believe they told you all that. Women have been murdered by their husbands for less.

Yeah, completely with you, I did not expect them to tell me what they told me. I expected help in finding my wife as she wasn't answering her phone, not to be told she been in 'that room' with another man all night.

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 01:13

MsDogLady · 30/04/2024 00:46

Well it’s mind-boggling that the motel provided the information, but I do believe you, @thebadmanuk. In my view, your Wife did cheat and she is now vigorously gaslighting you. She can’t believe that her devious scheme has backfired.

Is she normally secretive, self-serving, and entitled?

This was a huge betrayal and calls for a sharp consequence.

Yeah it is. Thank you for believing me, all I can say is please trust me but this is 100% legit, as I said in other replies I am shocked at what the hotel have told me.

Secretive, 100%. She has a history of telling lies, but this is now pushing it to the extreme. e.g she came home with a bunch of flowers, these were apparently her work colleagues flowers, it was her birthday and part of the get-together. The flowers currently have pride of place in our living room!!

We literally had the conversation last week about how she is on her phone all night, but hides it...tilts it away from me. However if I'm on my phone, I do not hide it, and I am open as to who I might be messaging. She can be, but there has been clearly someone she hasn't wanted me to see recently. Same story tonight.
We discussed last week about cheating, and I told her that if she is up to something, then if I ever find out (she has done it before in 2020) then 'it is over'.

OP posts:
SherrieElmer · 30/04/2024 02:27

I am sorry she has been unfaithful. The fact that she carries on denying the whole thing makes it more poignant.

Time to get your ducks on a row and LTB.

Louise303 · 30/04/2024 02:35

does not sound good get her to show you a confirmation email that she actually booked the room and not another man.

thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 02:36

SherrieElmer · 30/04/2024 02:27

I am sorry she has been unfaithful. The fact that she carries on denying the whole thing makes it more poignant.

Time to get your ducks on a row and LTB.

Sorry, what does LBT mean?

OP posts:
thebadmanuk · 30/04/2024 02:39

Louise303 · 30/04/2024 02:35

does not sound good get her to show you a confirmation email that she actually booked the room and not another man.

She didn't book the room, ready for this....a friend of her work friend won the meal/room in a charity raffle of some sort. The winner couldn't go anymore, so thats how she was invited cos her friend asked her to go so it didn't go to waste.

As I said though, she tells me they stayed in a certain room, the hotel showed me that room was not used that night.

OP posts:
DrJoanAllenby · 30/04/2024 02:45

If this is real it's obvious your wife is a liar.

Why waste any more time with someone who sleeps around?

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