Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@friendswiththemonstera that was not the answer I was hoping for 🤣

Hey, you do you! Or rather, you do the extremely hot man if that's what you want 😂

Well now Mr J has buried his father, he’s very keen to meet up.
He wanted to meet Friday but I’m away this weekend - which I had told him but understandably his head not been in best place.

So we’ve agreed once I’m back on Monday we’ll set a date to meet. He said he’s not had a great OLD experience so is guarded which I get.

Lets see

@SamW98 fingers crossed for you!

Good luck with Mr J @SamW98. Sorry I've been absent for a while.
Good point about conflicting work patterns. We have that issue and with his football commitments on a Saturday and Sunday I'm starting to think that we will never have anymore than we have now so after 3 yrs I'm questioning our relationship.

@Pepsimaxedout if you're not really looking for a relationship I'd go with option a) otherwise you may get too attached if you risk b) lol

@friendswiththemonstera I get it; i work in a senior level professional role, so it would be great to meet someone similar. I'm not looking for him to match my salary but to be living a comfortable life, as I already am. Bizarrely I've chatted to quite a few chefs through OLD, and due to their work hours, and working weekends it transpired we'd literally see each other once a month or something! I now scroll by if someone's profile says they're a chef, no matter how attractive!

Ideally I'd like to meet someone who works 9-5ish and has DC, so at least we have some chance of seeing each other during the week (I have childcare available) and aligning DC-free weekends.

@SamW98 Good to hear Mr J is still a potential, hope the date goes well.

That's basically it for me. This guy is a HGV driver which means our schedules would rarely align (as he works and sleeps early, while I tend to work and sleep late). Plus, and this wouldn't really bother me as a general thing, but I think if I'm earning 8-10 x what he is then the disparity in what we can afford lifestyle wise (e.g. holidays) might become too much, especially as we both have DC? I like him though, so it's tough! Currently have dates set for Sunday, Monday and next Thursday so I might focus on other matches.

@Starseeking this is the issue. I already feel like b (who is the local shop bloke who recognised me) is a bit over invested in me and I'd sooner let him down gently now rather than string him along waiting to see what happens with a.

@friendswiththemonstera there must be a good few of them doing OLD as I also chatted to some HGV drivers and now scroll by for the same reason as the chefs! Hopefully you can work out a good meeting up routine if the date goes well.

@Pepsimaxedout given b) is the local guy I'd think about the potential for it going wrong down the line if you're not that keen now, and then having to see him regularly around town.

Just joining the thread and wanted to say that the idea of living on a mountain seems to appeal to many, many of us 😂

Fingers crossed, Sam! Let's hope he's the one. If he had rubbish experiences on OLD, here's to hoping he will understand that it's important to be a decent person 🤞

@ThisIsaNiceDress I live in a nice, clean town and the dating prospects here are dire. Living in an even less populated area doesn't seem like a better idea tbf 😅

He's looking for FWB

The only success story I have heard of (IRL) was strangely Hinge. My friend now has a DH and just have birth to a lovely daughter and she tried every app out there, even Raja.

@friendswiththemonstera it must be region-specific because for me, in Europe, Hinge is exactly the opposite; older, more middle-class, more guys looking for a relationship. I've met some nice men from Hinge, just haven't fancied any of them. @SamW98 good luck with Mr J!

Hello everyone.
I'm just wondering how much you guys text between dating?
I'm going on a second date this weekend. Probably averaging in about 2/3 texts each per day. I'm happy with that as he's making effort to talk. I just get paranoid when o read about texts fizzling out etc, but also how much so too much so we have nothing to talk about 😂

Hi @peanutbutterjam1234, welcome! Texting greatly varies. In my opinion you need to do a bit initially to establish a few basic values and common ground but one you've agreed to meet you can dial it down to one or two a day, no-one has time to text all day!

While we're on the subject of wasting time, I have just bought a day's worth of views of likes on Bumble, what a mistake! I really did not need to see who had liked me - I recognised them mostly as men I had left swiped on, or because they were outside my distance settings. At least it was only 2.50. Will never bother again!

Well I’ve literally exhausted every available man in a 50 mile radius and still not got a date - not sure this OLD lark is for me 🤣

Welcome back.
You regularly post about your boyfriends availability and how it isn't what you are looking for...do you know what you want?

Maybe work backwards and then decide if your boyfriend is what you want.

Someone with such little availability surely doesn't have time for a relationship.
How often do you see him and do you get any meaningful time together?

I've dated a few men over the last year who's availability was really poor and it took for me to point it out and walk away that they realised I was right and what they were offering would only suit a very small minority of women.

It definitely pays to have someone with similar availability.

This may have come across as blunt and it isn't meant to but no way to soften it.
Consider what you want and need and then go from there....otherwise you'll be 3 more years down the line and still unhappy and with 3 years wasted.

Yes you're so right!
This, in between early dating bit, just mAkes me feel really anxious!
The dating world is so brutal now it's hard to not think everything is going to end in disaster
🙈

@peanutbutterjam1234 I hate this inbetween texting stage! It gives me ridiculous anxiety too. I'm naturally drawn to the ones who text loads but then I know from experience they're generally a bit needier/love bombing and not good actually in a relationship.

I'm chatting to a bloke just now who probably texts a sensible amount but I'm confused about how interested he actually is because he's not OTT.

I'm working through all this myself still as well.

@Pepsimaxedout I’d date both and make a decision when you know more.

I have been back on the apps since beginning of Feb and really surprised that I am not liking many profiles as previously. Not many people out there (or I am being very picky!). Had two dates and neither were for me.

You're so right. I go for the ones who message me lots and then it never works out because once the relationship is established I find them too needy like I can see what's happening but I cannot stop myself from feeling drawn to the people who show a lot of interest in the early stages!

I'm trying to train myself to see it as a bit of an "ick"

TBH if your earning around £400,000 a year I would say the world is your oyster?