Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Here’s a weird one for for you. Had a FaceTime with a guy I matched with yesterday (the one who fed back on my intro message), well he asked me for a date and supposedly meeting Tuesday, but he ended our Bumble chat, whilst still WhatsApping me. He is away with his kids this weekend so not expecting to hear from him at all, but makes me think Tuesday isn’t happening. And puts my back up a bit.

@LittleFloatingGhost maybe he still wants to keep chatting with others without being caught? It's a bit weird.

@LittleFloatingGhost

I always end the chat on Bumble was I’ve moved to WhatsApp. It’s nothing sinister I just dint see the point keeping the chat on the app any more

@SamW98 that’s fair enough but now I don’t have their profile to review before the date!

There'll be some women and men who are in ok relationships that were thinking about becoming single again. Then they see this thread and rethink...grass isn't always greener.

To be fair, the lawn of my marriage was like a brown patch of mud, so I would say it depends on the marriage!!

Ok relationships aren't worth leaving normally, more like worth putting energy into to re-vitalise. However I must say my experience on the apps has been only positive, well just one app, Bumble, though I have only been doing it for two months+ with up to a week snoozes at at time.

I had no one rude or weird, about 5 boring people, some good conversations and three perfect dates. Never talked to more than 2 people at a time, I cannot give anyone their due with more than that.

First one he is kind of a friend now(though we more or less stopped talking now, but I'd be happy to meet him for a coffee or a walk any day).

Second one was me exploring if I could do casual sex 😁and discovering it was a bit too transactional for me, but the guy was extremely enthusiastic and a gentleman, so I couldn't fault him at all, it was overall fun and nice.

And the third date and the whole development of the connection was the most romantic of my life so far...though now I am stuck in an indeterminate space, having to wait for several weeks with next to no contact and though free to go back on the apps not wanting to do it at all.

However considering I was single for two years before deciding to try the apps I guess three weeks aren't gonna kill me and I could just treat it as others here, as a break from dating while I focus on my own life a bit more. I am just trying to say not everyone's experience is awful.

But in general, yes, it can feel a little overwhelming and once there is someone exciting and there is a promise of more it's very difficult to not get overinvested and get ahead of oneself🤔This chat helps :)

Aww thank you all for the lovely messages! 🩷

Just got back from date with Mr Shy. I had a really nice time and I think I'm starting to develop feelings for him. The problem is that we both still haven't kissed and I'm starting to worry about that as it was date 4.
I've just sent him a Message saying that I have been really enjoying getting to know him and I think he's a really lovely person and asked if he's free tomorrow.
If he is I'm going to have to put my big girl pants on and go for it before it's too late! Kicking myself now... hoping I've not missed the boat!!

blacksocks33 Aww lovely sounding date! I'm so glad to hear that it went well

RadiantRainbow That's such a positive start
Not to scare anybody off, but my first few months were horrendously awful. I remember once saying (possibly on here) 'My confidence wasn't the highest to start with, but now, after a few months of that, it's on the floor'.

Thing I had to learn was, on the free site, filter the messages. Don't engage with the ones miles away/much younger/older if that's not what you want. And it's ok to stop chatting any time you don't want to chat anymore. Added in to that one, it's ok to block/unmatch any time you want to.

In short, stop worrying about men's feelings so much! That could have saved me a lot of hurt in the early days.

In answer to an earlier question...
I'm 59 year old man and my search is 46-62
I am obviously in the

I am using bumble in two locations, my home and my work which are about 40 miles apart, and using a 12 mile radius of both.

There are few profiles offered and fewer still match.
I did pay the premium for a few weeks, but it showed me matches, motly 70 or 80 miles away and one from hundreds of miles away.

I have matched with one lady who is lovely, we chatted on Bumble for about two weeks, and then on whatsapp for another week before we met.
We have now met for dinner three times

was more than happy with the foreplay...he made me orgasm 4 times (definite win 😉😉) so as long as he keeps those coming (pardon the pun🤣😉) I am happy as we are for now...eventually it has to go up right??

😂😂😂😂😂He is a keeper !!!

@RadiantRainbow my situation is similar to yours and I've had mainly positive experiences. Also no-one really weird or creepy. I tend to go through phases of having a flush of matches then pause and chat to two or three at a time.

I'm 53 and menopausal and have noticed in the last year that this has had a dramatic impact on tone- or rather loss of! Mentally I feel much better- divorce, my ex's addiction, loss of my job and perimenopause all contributing to a horrible couple of years.

Also a bit uncomfortable about revealing my rather flabby body - but so far have had enthusiastic reaction from Mr B (also younger by 6 years) so I feel as long as the attraction and connection is there it shouldn't matter. If it feels promising you should continue, just protect yourself mentally and don't tolerate any bad behaviour.

@blacksocks33 maybe you should lean in for a kiss during the next date? If he reciprocates then you'll know!

@VanillaSox 🤣🤣🤣 out with Mr ITW this afternoon...have left it up to him where we go and what we do should be interesting 😉😉will report back later. He has messaged lots since Thursday when he left, mainly chatty messages and asking a few questions/saying how much he can't wait to get together again and no 'therapy' style messages so still not feeling like I am being offloaded onto though keeping my eyes wide open! My kids are at mine and his at his today so will be interesting to see where we end up!!

@blacksocks33 lovely update I would go for the next date and try to kiss him (either a hello kiss with hug on arrival or go in for a full one at the end)

@2anddone @Chocolatefreak aww thank you both!
Obviously woke up today feeling stressed about it all 😂 how can I be more forward 🙈 I think once the ice is broke it'll be fine but feels like a bit of an elephant in the room now!
I haven't heard from him about today so also don't know if that's happening! M might go for a run to keep my mind off it!

😂 this is exactly what I thought when I read the 4 orgasm update, this one sounds like he could be a keeper 😆 @2anddone

@Mckittens to be fair it was the ending of a very long dry spell...it wasn't going to take much for me to orgasm.
Will let you know how we get on today...actually quite nervous we might have to talk 😉😉🤣🤣

Oh just saw you have an outdoors date with Mr ITW, @2anddone that's great exactly what is needed probably to help him feel more at ease/ relaxed in other areas 😬

@blacksocks33 I think it all sounds really positive. It's a slow burn maybe in terms of the physical stuff but that can be a good thing in the longer term I'd say. If it were me I would maybe just try and find a way to say something along the lines of you think you could start to quite like him & you were wondering if you were on the same page.

I guess in some ways you do need to try and find a way to bring it up or get some clarification because otherwise it will play on your mind.

@2anddone I started to post and then got distracted making a coffee. So didn't see your message. I honestly think a date where you go for a drink or whatever he wants to do, think that was a good call as well leaving it up to him, will help in other areas. You have already had a big long chat the first time he came round & you know each other anyway so it will be fine and it will make it more like the start of something maybe which will put him at ease. Sounds fab!

@Mckittens that's what I thought if I chose somewhere it could accidentally be somewhere that had lots of memories for him so by leaving the ball in his court he can choose! We are going out at 3 and he knows I am in no hurry to have to get home so could even go further afield if it will make him feel more comfortable...he is very worried about his girls finding out as they have been very vocal about what they would do if they found out their mum has someone else! Though she left him so their reaction to him being with someone over 4 1/2 months after she left might be different but he doesn't want to risk it!

I'd say it's a good thing if this thread gives anyone a wake up call who actually has a fundamentally healthy relationship that needs re-vitalised that they were thinking of chucking away lightly.

Regardless of whether I have ever another relationship or not I needed to leave. My previous lawn was a fucking quagmire. In order to not perpetuate a cycle and teach my children how to have an unhealthy relationship I chose to leave.

And 4 years on I am only just contemplating another relationship. And what this process has taught me is that if all I wanted was to meet someone else that would be entirely possible. Fortunately I don't want to settle, so therefore the OLD process is going to take a bit of time. Also fortunately I have a sense of humour and this chat has been enormously helpful with that 😊

@Mckittens yeah you're right, I do need to say soemthing. I'm just not sure how to bring it up as don't want to come across too strong if it's obviously soemthing he's not confident about... if we don't meet today I need to bring it up to save a week of wondering!
I've not heard from him though after my message last night so unlikely we'll meet I think!

Hi ladies I want to update about my date and share a positive story. The guy was really lovely (slightly more weathered and older looking than his photos). I wasn't initially as attracted to him as I had been in his photos and at the beginning of the date I was thinking this might be a no! But he was SO lovely. He was open and honest in his communication style, which I loved. He was very down to earth and complimentary. He took me out for dinner and the more he spoke the more sparks there were. He wasn't pushy or presumptuous, but made it clear he liked me and wanted to see me again. We had a few cheeky snogs, which were amazing and by the time we said goodbye I was really excited to see him again! We text all the way home and I have a rare, child free day today so just suggested we could meet this arvo if he wanted to, which we are! I'm not saying he's the one but I I realise open and honest communication and effort from a man is such a turn on!

That's fab @mumofoneanddone82 and I hope it goes really well this afternoon!

Having not been sure about Mr Sneaker after the selfie incident, he's growing on me. I have another date potentially for Monday but I'm thinking of cancelling. I've been talking to this guy (Monday) for 5 weeks and there's always an excuse why he disappears. I don't know if it's a good enough match to bother with.

Amazing update @mumofoneanddone82 hope this afternoon goes really well too.
So nice to read positive updates