Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sorry to hear that @blacksocks33, it sounded like such a promising start. In a similar scenario found it helpful to have a couple of weeks off the apps, before getting back to swiping again xXx

@blacksocks33 so sorry, it's so crap, hope you feeling a bit brighter today. Maybe have a break from the apps. It's so hard not to get invested and then hurt/ disappointed when it doesn't work out.

@SamW98 that's crap too. It sounded promising too. Very hard not to get deflated.

I've been messaging three people, one whom I've met and two who I haven't but I'm having a big wobble, very tempted just to go back to being happily single/ off the apps. A few weeks ago I gave no thought to dating or having another relationship and now it's all consuming.

@Mckittens It's funny you mention having a wobble cos that's how I've felt this weekend. I know the advice is speak to lots of people, don't get invested etc. But I think it is overwhelming and exhausting speaking to more than one person at once!

@Mckittens

Its his dads funeral today so I expect him to be quiet

if it wasn’t for that I’d have given up by now. Over two weeks messaging and not got much further than ‘morning have a good day’ on repeat. It’s gone nowhere.

This is another example of why meeting quickly is really the only way for me. Any longer than a week or so and I lose interest.

I know everyone says chat to several and multi date but honestly I can’t find one person to chat to let alone several. And I never get to stage of dating even a single person - think 6 dates in over a year tells me how slim the pickings are in my age group on OLD

Dating with mr handsome has hit a wall. He has gone from being to eager and me trying to slow him down to a u turn because he is not sure. I feel he may be a gaslighter who likes his own way. I said no to a few of his suggestions. That basically meant he would fit me in to his life when his work brought him nearby. Alarm bells have rang for me about how single he actually is….

There's a choice of Questions to answer on the free site, or you can answer none & just write a few lines.

This man has chosen -

'What do you enjoy most about where you live?' & answered with 'Its a place to live. Nothing else to say'.

& 'What do you enjoy most about your job?'
& has written 'It's a job. What is there to say'.

& 'What makes you laugh?' Answer 'Depends'.

Nice to see that he's at least making an effort with his profile...

@NervesOfCotton god that's awful

This seems so prevalent!
I am so cynical now -I assume they are married unless proven otherwise…😔

Well he sounds a catch. Imagine how interesting his messages would be 🤣

I had one like that who lived up north but came down south every 5/6 weeks for work.

Im pretty sure he just wanted a FWB to keep him busy while he was away from the wife for a week.

@SamW98 he wasn’t that far away but just wanted to see me on his work days when this direction. Against days off and me going to him. He was trying to promise the world but on his terms 🙄

Just saw this on Bumble:

I'll fall for you if
"Your not a twat"

😍

Feeling a bit flat after my phone date for today has rearranged on me. Just feel like he's not as keen and I am being kept as a back up TBH. Bit gutted cos he is attractive (I know I am shallow!). Will wait to see if he bothers getting back in touch now but I won't chase.

I find it hard to gauge how much someone is being cautious/sensible and how much it is they just don't care. I know my own perception is off because I've gone for people who are too full on in the beginning. God its so flipping hard sometimes!

Hi all, thanks for being so supportive yesterday.
I don't know why I'm struggling so much this time round, maybe just because our first date seemed SO positive.
He messaged me last night, he's had a really busy day at work and seemed really friendly. I messaged back this morning and no reply so far.
Part of me think my expectations need to change at this stage.... this time last week I'd never have been bothered about slow replies etc!
I think it's easy to over think absolutely everything in this situation isn't it :(
So yeah.. still feeling a bit crap today! I think I'll give it a couple more days and see what happens 🤷🏼‍♀️

It can really genuinely be work or something family-related has got in the way, and not a lack of interest. I have frequently rearranged dates due to unexpected work or family emergencies - I know how it can be for me so I'm tolerant of others also rescheduling! Of course, if it's a flimsy excuse, or if they don't try to reschedule, then that's another matter entirely.

@Chocolatefreak this is why I think I'm messed up in the head with it all. Common sense tells me that I have my own life, I also don't message lots, I go hours between messages and I am even messaging other people and meeting other people for dates!! So why am I bothered if he did those things?!

I'm used to men who are very keen and usually it's gone bad. So I'm doing my best to remind myself this is all healthy green flags.

@Pepsimaxedout I totally relate to why you've just said! I think it's because we k is that we'd do the right thing in the end... which is not ghost basically! But it's very hard to trust other people not doing it.
My date guy text me back.. looking at our texts over the past week this is a normal text pattern for him.. maybe I'm over thinking it? But he hasn't suggested a second date, when would you expect this to happen? I feel the window is small before it just fizzles out... or do I just ask?

Following

@blacksocks33 I have found that usually plans are made on the Wednesday for getting together the Friday or Saturday especially at the start.
There are a lot of hours between now and the weekend for either if you to change your mind so at the beginning I prefer to make plans a couple of days before meeting then text the night before to confirm plans.

@blacksocks33 I definitely wouldn’t ask about the second date or chase him in general. Never ever came across a guy who got invigorated rather than complacent when a woman became more proactive than him. 🤔

People said, ask, at least then you know. I don’t agree, having to ask you already know.

The only way in this situation is to leave him to his own devices(he probably will get in touch then or eventually) and turn your attention to new matches.

I'm suddenly having the complete opposite problem. I've got dates or potential dates with 5 men and I'm talking to 2 more. I'm completely overwhelmed by it but there's no obvious front runners. I guess at some point a couple of them will just drop off naturally? The problem is that I already have plans after work almost every day next week when my kids are with my ex so I barely even have time for a first date with more than 2 of them!

Five?! You found five men capable of striking up a conversation online?! At the same time?! 😱

Yes I know, I'm very surprised as I've been running into brick walls so far! And now I don't want to mess up a good thing by focusing on the wrong one- because naturally some of them will go cold. Dates arranged with 2 at the moment...but unless I go on two dates in one day over the weekend I won't manage to see everyone in my child free time so I'm going to have to whittle them down somehow!

@friendswiththemonstera see how the chat goes with the ones you've not made dates with yet.

You could also do a little speed dating on Saturday or Sunday and give them all a 1 hour time slot each!

Haha I should set up my own speed dating event: Ghosts unlimited 😂would fit the theme so far!

A guy (not one of the 5) got really arsey with me today and told me off because I took a day to reply. So awkward and weird.