Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RadiantRainbow It might just be that I don't find him attractive enough. But also, while enthusiastic and complimentary, he was a little bit inept. Maybe first time nerves and he will improve. And I like him, so I will persevere for a while at least!

@HotCoffeePlease Welcome! Feel free to share your tales, whether they are successes or frustrations, we are all in this together.

Had the date with the HGV driver I liked today. I think it's a no - our schedules would make it extremely difficult to have time together and he talked about his ex a LOT. Kind of seemed like he wasn't over it. Got a date with someone else at an art exhibition on Sunday so we'll see how that goes.

HotCoffee how quickly after the marriage did the 6 months thought he was the one thing happened? Only asking because it seems to be nearly typical if happens within the 6 months to a year out of a long term relationship, esp if it was unhappy....like women get so excited to just get someone normal and nice they tend to idealise the guy...

I am talking to someone after being two years single after a long marriage, and I really like him now to the point of wondering of he could be the one, and am hoping I left enough time to heal and learn stuff about myself that it's not "oh he is opposite to my ex excitement" but more of a we are actually a match...

How long did it take you to get over the 6 months relationship? This is another thing which I hear a lot, that a short and intense relationship after a long marriage leaves women licking their wounds for longer than processing their marriage or long term relationship. All of it makes me overthink on the current iron though I know that overthinking is harmful and you cannot really strategise these things too much...

Do you get PMs from men (or pretending to be men 🤷‍♀️) after posting on these threads? Bit weird imho.

Welcome!
Mine was similar -can out of 27 year marriage and thought I’d met the one. 18months then ghosted after a misunderstanding (he is judge ly insecure with massive issues) we live less than a mile apart and friends and hobbies in common so very painful. Off an on over the summer till a deal breaker (fir ne) in the autumn. So a year on now from the original ghosting and am not over him but am functioning rationally and can see he was a good transitional man but sadly not the one.

Do you all believe in "The One" though? I didn't until this guy, and actually there are loads of "wrong boxes ticked", I would have never swiped on him if I seriously was considering a relationship, but we just turned out to be on the same wavelength in so many ways that it seems to transcend all the wrong boxes. However a lot of real life obstacles and whether they can be solved, it remains to be seen

But in general, is there such a thing as The One? I think it's more us who make the guy into the one (and he us), rather than objective reality...

To me, The One is the person who you can make a relationship work with. Whatever that looks like for you. They become the one because you are attracted to each other and you make the relationship work - in my opinion, the idea that someone is out there who is "perfect" for you is just complete nonsense.

I absolutely believe in the one. The one is the person who is right for you and with whom things just work. You feel safe and secure with him (or her). And they generally bring out your best self, not your insecure or argumentative self.

However, also, while I believe there is the One for every one, depending on our effort or circumstances, whether we meet them or not, that's a different story.

I don’t believe in the one. I think we change so much as people that it’s unlikely the person is the one forever, they are the for the foreseeable - I would love to find my forever foreseeable! 😉😂

I am spending time again with Mr Music from last year. We have seen each other a few times as friends and nothing has happened as I was still seeing the guy I waited for (which ended in Jan as he shared something which would have meant a huge compromise- you guessed right @SamW98, it was ED, I was just feeling a little stung by it). I like spending time with Mr Music and we are talking a lot about what happened then etc. He is showing up differently this time, initiating everything, planning everything - but whilst we flirt a lot and there are moments, nothing has happened. It’s like a reset and a lot of him saying “we could do that”, “lets do that”.

If I am being honest, last year I was a bit of a mess after coming out of my long term relationship and was clearly looking for validation - rushing everything. Having taken a step back a year on and knowing exactly what I want I feel stronger.

Thatsthebottomline It's just about showing a bit of effort. Or don't answer the questions as they aren't compulsory.

I've answered the 'What do I like about where I live' one & mention the Greenery (in our many large parks) & I've had a few men say 'What greenery, you live in the middle of a town?!' So it's down to personal perspective as well.

RadiantRainbow I believe in 'The one' to a point. There might be more than one, but they are perfect for us, & it might be for different reasons each time!

@LittleFloatingGhost

ED was the deal breaker that Mr GA told me after the second date. And his unfortunately is permanent due to a previous surgery complication.
I felt desperately sad for him as that’s what broke his marriage up but ultimately I couldn’t agree to a sex free future. And since then I’ve discovered he wasn’t honest with me about a few other things too.

I don't believe in the one and I certainly haven't gone into OLD with any illusions of finding anything long term. I believe in Mr Right for Now. Whether now is a week or a decade or two.

@friendswiththemonstera I think I'm closest to your definition of the One. Values, outlook, attraction, interests being most aligned. Knowing each other's faults but being able to tolerate them, because the big things are all ok.

Just got back from my date with Mr Geek. Perfectly nice, unremarkable guy. We had a nice chat over a couple of beers. He lives near me so may bump into him again, also the possibility I may see him for work related stuff. But have no romantic interest, so will draft a careful, neutral reply. Tomorrow, I think.

Yes. 100% that...if only we could date each other!!

There surely has to be multiple 'the ones' out there for us all! They are just well hidden.

I am back to thinking I can't cope with multiple chats at one time. I've been chatting to someone for a couple of weeks, decided maybe I was getting over invested so branched out but I can't seem to manage it.

My subscriptions run out next weekend so thinking of maybe taking a break. Maybe just a pause rather than deleting the whole thing.

@Chocolatefreak sorry there was no spark with Mr Geek, it's good you have had some possibilities though!

@Mckittens I think two at once is my limit. It does help me stop getting over invested.

What I really struggle with is when there is ages before the first date. The chat in-between just does my head in!

Think it was me because I’ve also found it. I’ve come off because after a month it was soul destroying. Hinge likes dropped right off the cliff towards the end of the month and then unsurprisingly, when my paid for mth was up, I had loads allegedly sat there, they must think we are idiots. I even got really desperate and went on Facebook dating which was the pits!

@Bestlife18 thanks for this. Do you mean they had hidden a load of likes which you could only see when you paid?

Yes @lizkt literally the minute the paid for subs ended, I had a pile of alleged likes after I’d gone the last 2 weeks of the subscription with pretty much zero!!

Hi all I have my date tonight!
I'm feeling a bit nervous... can anyone share any conversation starters just so I feel a bit more prepared 🙈

@Bestlife18 and @lizkt Match does stuff like that too. My likes have mysteriously gone haywire since I've started hiding my profile (how can people like it if it's not visible match?!) and cancelled. They're like Weight watchers. They don't want you to actually achieve success, they want you to keep paying!

Oh my god. But isn't this fraudulent? Don't know if you guys have seen the Ashley Madison documentary but they got sued for millions for similarly shady stuff, misleading its user base.

@Pepsimaxedout @Bestlife18

I dont believe in “the one” at all. I’ve just had too many experiences where I appear to be in a different time zone. I only decided to start looking again three years ago and i never, ever tell people that I look after babies and children for a living. I did say I was a teacher once because someone told me it “sounded better”.

Anyway, to bring us upto date I was very briefly (thats months for me), I was recently chatting (but nowhere near dating) to one lady. I saw here yesterday with her new man who had turned up in a Chicago Bulls basketball vest and has tattoos all over his arm. He was unhappy about something and proceeded to get angry with the owner. She was lapping it up.

If there is a square one, I didn’t really move from it…..