Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think high earning men find it easier but high earning women find it harder as a rule of thumb, in terms of love anyway. My experience has been that men don't like to date a woman who is independent and busy - or rather, they think they do, but after a while they find it emasculating. Plus the job comes with a lot of stress and unsociable hours which also makes dating hard. I'm in the process of moving to a better paying job (hence the huge salary increase) but it will be more demanding.

My experience has been that men don't like to date a woman who is independent and busy - or rather, they think they do, but after a while they find it emasculating.

I would agree with this. I earned more than twice my EXDP, and it was a major issue for him, despite the fact I never mentioned it beyond agreeing how we'd contribute to the bills account.

When I've been on dates recently a few men have commented on aspects of my lifestyle which indicate I'm living well. I've actually thought about not mentioning certain things, but then I'd have to tell outright lies which I'm not comfortable with.

Given all the swiping I'm doing I expect I'll eventually meet someone who is ok with it, but it really feels like a thankless numbers game at the moment 🤣🤣🤣

blacksocks33 Did you hear from yours any more?

SamW98 I used to get that screen all the time But I havn't had it in ages, despite counting over 700 swipes in my head over the weekend!

The only matches that I'm getting are just too far away for me.

@friendswiththemonstera Yes I am also trying to see constant messaging as an ick too!

I have been chatting with phone date man a bit and I think he's probably the most sensible one. We've done the phone chat and arranging to meet the weekend after this one. We still send the odd 'I'm still here and interested' message, but its not OTT.

I'm meant to be seeing local shop bloke on this weekend too.

So in my bid to get over MrRadio who ended up being a total douche, ghosting after re-matching (for the third time and after two incredible dates!), I’ve ended up speaking to several guys at the same time. One I was meant to meet last week but we were both ill so had a phone date, which I didn’t love, and rearranged for this week.

he’s great to speak to and makes me laugh, but our lifestyles are completely different.

i matched with another guy I’d been really intrigued by and we immediately got on well. He spontaneously called me yesterday and made me cry laughing which is a huge plus for me, plus seems far more on my wavelength. He’s offshore but has booked a date with me next week when I’m back and said he’s taking the lead and planning it. I did admit to having a date lined up this week and his response was perfect.

all good but felt guilty about having Friday night lined up so essentially messaged guy 1 saying I didn’t feel like it was a long term thing but was happy to meet if he had the same expectation of a laugh and see what happens. Am basically on a promise of a few drinks and a throw around the bedroom - both completely on the same page so that’s a relief!

if nothing else I’m hoping that a few dates will make me realise MrRadio wasn’t that great after all, it’s taken me three months to plan another date so this is progress!

a few other matches and chats but I find it very overwhelming to be speaking to more than one or two guys at a time. Feast or famine, right?!

@SamW98 im totally overinvested in this now, and so hope it goes well for you!

I think everyone is invested in @SamW98's guy! You've had more than your share of idiots and deserve something promising!

@Treezylover chatting to two at a time is my limit I think.

@NervesOfCotton were meeting up this weekend! I just though F it! What's wrong with me asking? And he seemed really happy about it.
Texts have slowed down this week though... but I think that's normal?
I really hope this weekend goes ahead and it goes well as I really enjoyed his company last week.
Like others, this in between bit gives me a lot of anxiety. I think I'm realising that I'm so convinced I'll never find someone i just expect to be ghosted 🫠

Aww lovely blacksocks33, I really hope that it goes well for you

Yeah the in between bit is rough isn't it! You want contact but not too much & not too little!

@NervesOfCotton aww thank you!
I hope so too, I've really enjoyed getting to know him and it's felt different to previous matches.
I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but how do you not do that 🙈
Please everyone keep your fingers crossed for me 🙂

Aww thank you everyone. He is messaging every morning and we catch up throughout the day. Not much to say as think it’s best to to most of the chat face to face.

Im away at a music weekend from tomorrow til Monday but after that we will definitely try and sort a date.

The only thing is I’ve always said (jokingly) that supporting Spurs is a deal breaker and guess what? 🤣

I will do blacksocks33, I noticed that you hadn't posted so that's why I asked. I'm not getting anywhere by myself (but I'm not looking much right now either to be fair) so I've got fingers & toes crossed for everybody else

And, I don't know how to not get invested, sorry! The few second dates I've had, I'm practically Bridget Jones, planning our wedding in my head

Hahaha! Yes I'm the same! I've found it hard to switch off this week and getting annoyed at myself for doing so 🙈 I think moving forward the early dates should be close to each other so you can kind of work out where you stand 🫠

For example, not heard from him this morning and I'm thinking..... is he going to reply at all 😅
Online dating takes ALL the chill out of me 😂

@blacksocks33 I'm so glad you have another date! I hope it goes well!

It is so hard to be chill about it all! I have my own life, I'm busy, I get annoyed with men texting me every bloody minute. I only want to see dates when I don't have my kids. So 1-2 times a week. But I want to know im wanted too. It's a mind fuck!

@Pepsimaxedout haha yes I totally get what you mean!
In every day life I am extremely chilled but modern day dating fills me with anxiety and all chill leaves the building 🙈
I need to get it out of my head that nobody will want me and everyone will ghost me! (I say that in a jokey way, not a woe is me way 🙈).
Being a single parent in these situations just makes me feel very vulnerable I think!
I definitely need to try and work on thsi though...

@Pepsimaxedout I'd go for a 😆

I admit that one of the first thing on a guy's profile I check is profession, as I'd like someone to fit into my lifestyle, meaning going out for dinners, holidays etc. And to be able to discuss work, as in someone who understands the life in corporate UK 😄 it does limit my choices quite a bit

@friendswiththemonstera I think success and hard workers are attractive. But if there was a huge difference in earnings and career path I would find it intimidating. I can only speak for me though.

Well, things have advanced somewhat with Mr Bohemian. I met him for dinner, great conversation all night, and then he brought me home. And I invited him in.

Unfortunately it wasn't great! He was lovely, charming, warm, funny. Generous in bed, sadly no grand passion on my side. But I definitely want to see him again- there is so much I find attractive about him. He also has a very good relationship with his first wife and kids, second wife he's in the process of divorcing. Even though I have little free time, he can fit in around me. He would be perfect as fwb...IF the sex improves. I will give him more time.

However, I have a first date with Mr Geek tonight! Texting has been sporadic but he's being wise, I guess. He comes across as decent. He lives in my town - so would be very handy. I don't think I will fancy him, but willing to be proved wrong.

@SamW98 also so invested in your iron!

so the guy I was really feeling optimistic about suggested we share instagrams this morning. Therefore found out his full name and a quick google later discovered he’s a convicted fraudster who had threatened his victims and shown no remorse! So glad I found out before I wasted time on a date with him as he was very charming and personable and I know I would have found that very attractive and been much more upset than I am now.

A good reminder to do your research ladies, and stay safe!

@Chocolatefreak you give mr Bohemian such a flattering description, what exactly was lacking in terms of sex?

@Treezylover OMG lucky escape!

Putting answers to questions is a bit like admitting you’re under six foot or admitting you haven’t got a six figure bank balance. Telling the truth is sometimes an instant swipe onto the other 4,000 men that are all on these sites.

For the record, answering honestly gets you nothing. I’ll demonstrate

What do you like most about where you live ?

Not very much. The best i can come up with is that its cheap and as I’m on minimum wage thats pretty important.

What do you enjoy most about your job ?

I work with babies and have done for five years. I top it up with working with older children in a school. By babies yes i mean a baby room. I absolutely love my job if only it paid more. I’ve looked after children for most of my career. Sadly there are not many men, we need more men.

What makes you laugh ? I like a lot of Ronnie Barker and Victoria Wood, so i like Dinner Ladies, Early Doors, Porridge, Two Ronnies, Dad jokes etc. I dont like American humour, i find it lazy and crass. Give me something intelligent and well written.

See, honesty is over rated.

@Thatsthebottomline Your bit is very interesting. I also find American humor laxy and crass. But I don't think it's about being honest, it's about the lack of effort. Your written bit is honest but you also invested a degree of effort to describe things to us.

It's not about being elitist. It's just hard to start a conversation with someone who's all like "Yes, I have hobbies & Yes, I enjoy good weather"

@Chocolatefreak You painted such a nice picture of Mr. Bohemian. It's very gracious of you. Fingers crossed that things go well with Mr. Geek 🤞

Can I join pls?

V new to this dating world after a 20 year marriage and then a 6 month 'thought he was the one' relationship