Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well my phone date seems a bit keener today so we shall see.

Still chatting with local shop man too. So 🤞

Another one i see regularly that I hate in their profiles is ‘I’ll hold the door open but smack your bum as you walk through’

Honestly they think they’re so original and funny but these lines make women cringe

I saw quite a few...If you don't look like your photos you are buying the shots until you do
Really not missing being on the apps at the moment...hoping I will be able to weed out the weirdos from reading this thread if I go back on them at the start of April!

Placemarking!

I had a guy in tinder send me the exact same opening line (emojis in different place) , after ignoring my reply from about 2 weeks ago 🙄😆

For those on Hinge, do you find likes and matches drop off quite a bit after first month?

I've paused my profile for now as not much happening there unless I want to go out with a 20 year old.

@lizkt

Hinge was absolute tumbleweed for me. I’ve tried it a couple of times, never had a match and only ever had a handful of (completely unsuitable) likes.

Thank @SamW98 it's all bit dire, isn't it?

I took 5 years off the apps and think I was generally happier in that time. I'm really not sure want to be in this.

Someone before mentioned Burned Haystack earlier in this thread. Whoever that was thanks! I joined the Facebook group. It's far more interesting and entertaining reading their analysis of men's profiles and messages, than it is to actually be on the apps.

I hate when those men get so cross about not replying sooner. They aren’t that important to you yet. He just wants attention:validation.

I’m not on the apps at the moment and I don’t miss them. All that swiping and boring conversations really wore me out. Then you meet one and you thought that it went well, especially since I meet very few men I like. Yet, they always ghost. I really couldn’t take anymore of it. My mental health was suffering.

Quote from a profile on Bumble today - I am working on myself, not looking for a relationship but for someone to go for a drink with and fall into bed with on a semi-regular basis.

WTH???

I had one earlier. Replied to my message within minutes then because I didn’t reply straight away sent me ‘are you there?’ Twice in about an hour

I eventually replied and said I’d been on a meeting and his response ‘I’ll accept your apology this time’

Er mate I’m not apologising for having a job -so off you jog.

At least they weed themselves out early!

I was reading about Hinge the other day; I like it (met my ex on there and have had some decent matches) but I get a lot more attention on Bumble. The demographics of Hinge skew young: just over half are under 30 and most of the remainder are below 45 I think. So it is majority populated by the young and the childless.

And the handful over 45 spend every waking hour paddle boarding/ hiking / kayaking/ mountaineering/ jumping out of planes

He's honest at least.

@lizkt @Spain1986 I have muted Match again. The likes were dying down and I am also getting tired of it TBH. Even if nothing happens with the two blokes I'm talking to just now, I'm thinking I will leave OLD for a while. Its not worth the aggro.

I do laugh at the blokes who get stroppy about slow responses especially during the day. Surely most people work or at least understand that other people may also work?!

@Pepsimaxedout I hear ya. Did you find Match ok, initially? I was on there years ago and did actually go on some proper dates. I swear something has happened in recent times. It wasn't always this bad with ghosting and zombieing.

@lizkt I've not used any other apps so can't compare. Had plenty sex pests and weirdos. Blokes who cannot hold a conversation. Blokes who ghost you. Conversations that go nowhere. Had a few dates with a lovely bloke who unfortunately had NOT processed the end of his long marriage and wanted to use me as an emotional support human. The two I have on the go just now were from match.

OK I have a date on Sunday and a date on Monday. Another man (who I'm very interested in) has asked me out but I already have plans Tuesday to Thursday next week so I'm kind of considering replacing the Monday date with this guy as I think it has loads of potential! If we wait two weeks I think it will just be too far away?

How important is it to you all that the person you date has a similar type of job / income level to you? My sister is telling me not to bother dating men who do something really different to me for work on the basis that she thinks this is why my ex got quite jealous and possessive (because I work in a full on male industry with a social element to it). But the guy I think seems nicest does something completely different to me. It isn't something I usually care about but my sister usually gives good advice...

@friendswiththemonstera I guess it depends what you do for a living. I work in a role where I need a certain level of vetting/clearance so I do need to be careful about the type of people I date. I don't necessarily want to date people who do the same type of job as me, but it is easier if they work in a similar kind of sector. Because then I know they're not likely to cause an issue for me further down the line.

My ex husband and I did very different jobs in the end. We met early 20s when we started our careers. It became more of an issue the older and more established we got. Neither of us understood the demands on the other. My ex had a job he could leave at the door at 5pm. Unfortunately I don't have that kind of job and he'd complain if I needed to stay on on occasions to finish something urgent. I want someone who gets that work ethic.

I don’t think someone’s job really crosses my mind tbh. It’s certainly not a big factor for me.

Yeah @Pepsimaxedout I think you've hit the nail on the head. My ex didn't understand why socialising was part of work and he didn't understand that sometimes I'm not in control of my hours.

The guy I'm talking to that I like sometimes goes to bed at 9pm and wakes at 4am for work. Sometimes I work until 2am and wake at 10am. His work is at set times and involves no intrusion once his shift ends. Mine is on call 100% of the time. Maybe she's right that there's no point starting something with him.

I do get the issue with different work patterns.
I work a pretty straight 9-5 hybrid job so someone who does shifts, early starts or weekends is probably not gonna be a match.

The last guy I dated for (for 2 years) was as a black cabbie and worked midday to 10/11pm weekdays so we were restricted to seeing each other weekends only.

I chatted to a guy online who seemed really nice but he worked permanent nights so was going to bed as I got up so it was a non starter.

Give me some advice on what I should do here then. Do I choose between

a) the bloke who is absolutely smoking hot
b) the bloke who is not smoking hot but a lovely personality and more in common with than a.

If it helps, I'm recently separated from a 20+ relationship and only really after someone to go out with (and shag) on days I'm child free.

Personally, I need an emotional connection to have a physical one. So for me it would probably be (b).