Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

They just knew that you would be inundated with weirdo sex pests and saved you the hassle. Probably.

Love it! I saw this and was going to post with a similar thought !! 😂

I’m in SW and find Tinder has by far the biggest if possibly shallowest pool.
Bumble next then Hinge and and finally Muddy matches, which seems to have very few and I’m convinced most of them are zombie accounts.

I've used Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Facebook Dating, Bumble and Hinge, listed in order of preference.

I have met the nicest guys from Tinder; as I'm looking for a relationship, I always swipe left on those with their status set as Short term fun, Short term but long term ok or Still figuring it out (how are people so indecisive in their 40's?!?). I only selected those I liked with Long Term listed, though that's obviously not foolproof as loads lie.

The current man I've got my eye on, Mr Pan, was from Tinder and seems pretty normal and solvent. I'm about to give up on him though, as I think he's enjoying the dating scene a bit too much for my liking (which is of course his prerogative).

I met a couple from Plenty of Fish, though that was also the site I got the most (unwanted) filthy messages from.

FB Dating was also ok, but I found there were a lot of men looking for pen pals who never got round to meeting.

Bumble I disliked sending out messages and getting hardly anything back. The ones that did reply seemed to expect me to lead the conversations, and I found it all a bit one-sided.

Hinge I really didn't like that you had to like a picture rather than a person. I also wasn't keen on making comments on pictures if they were the one who liked me first.

I've paused my profile on all of the above while I see what happens with Mr Pan, but I think I'll only go back on Tinder and PoF when the time comes.

I matched with someone half decent on tinder today! Call him Mr sport (because he's sporty 😂).
I sent the first message and he replied, yay, but now nothing all day and evening.
How long do you guys normally leave or before deciding they're not returning after their first reply?
I'm SO used to being ghosted at this point o literally expect it from everyone!

@Starseeking I agree about bumble. I feel like the guys expect you to navigate and get away with being lazy in the conversation!
I don't even understand why letting the girls message first is such an appeal. I want to be messaged first 😂

Haven’t used Tinder since my 20s. I never had any luck with it then so I’m definitely giving it a swerve in my mid-30s. 😅

I currently only use Hinge.

After a first message exchange, I usually carry on chatting to others, and delete some after a few days, or just if I feel there's too many listed. I don't really have a set time for that.

I expect everyone to ghost as well lol Been on 3 lovely dates with Mr Pan, but we both have primary aged DC, so diaries aligning is hard, plus I'm aware he's dating others. It wouldn't matter so much if he was in regular contact text and call wise, but he's not. I'm giving him a week from our last date (Sunday) before I go back on the apps.

Love this!!! It’s so true! I have so many idiots on bumble who have allegedly been to “collage”

So update from me - I changed my profile on hinge at weekend to be more brutal after researching the burning down the haystack method - if you haven’t heard of it, its good advice! After that, the next morning I had two matches. One is a guy who may be too old for me tbh but he seemed literate and ok and the other seems nice although but further away than is ideal.

i have scheduled in Sat evening for a drink with the older one (it will be 1 as I have to drive) and sun afternoon a drink with the other one! So let’s see if they happen!

Bumble has been dreadful for me, just glad I didn’t pay for it

interesting video on you tube explaining why men have such little luck on dating apps
i showed to James Preece who has a dating reviews website and offers date coaching, he says reality is even worse than the video, from memory about 2% of men get a date from an app

That’s interesting

So if men get short change on dating apps, and you rarely get to see them in the wild, what would tempt them out to meet single women? The slow/speed dating struggles to get enough men around here.

I saw a tiktok video which was talking how something like 80% of women go for the top 20% of men (in dating apps) -which was interesting. Of course we don't all have same type but could ring some truth.

Both of the men I know who've done OLD (one my ex and one a friend) have had tons of dates. Weekly. Neither of them are especially eligible - no more than the average man. I'm never sure I believe some of the reports of how men find it. Surely it depends mostly on location, app, and the men's profiles? If the average man has the average profile I see from men then frankly it's no wonder they don't get likes. They're hardly filled in or reference "crazy ex", "can't believe I'm doing online dating" etc etc.

This is the video i was talking https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeDCnHhj/

Thanks for the recommendations I joined tinder and have been inundated with likes. Presuming that’s a first day thing. But there does seem to be more people on there. My bumble matches have both upped their game today. One asking for friends with benefits but both want to meet. Mr miles away is in my home town for work randomly so may meet him…

Superawkward Great date update

CatchMoreFliesWithHoney I've had LOADS of negativity about my weight through messages. (Size 14/16) They really knocked my confidence for a while (All on the Free dating site tbh, none on Bumble, yet!)

But then I realised that weight is such an easy thing to target a women for isn't it, like they've picked the very easiest thing to try & knock me down with, & that they just aren't worth the brain-space to even give them a second thought.

Men who make the most fuss about 'Women using old photos' are (generally) using old ones themselves. Profile on Bumble the other day 'You must have recent photos. Mine are, they were all taken in Summer 2020, I look the same, so I expect all of yours to have been taken in the last 1 month' !

Back to Tumbleweed for me, although I did have an interesting message on the Free site. Interesting because his age is listed as 124! (I'm assuming that he wants people to message to check his age & then get chatting etc, I havn't bothered. In his profile it says

'Want girlfriend. Must love heels in bed & must not love Vanilla, boring and must need sex at least twice everyday. I don't care if you got kids etc, you prioritise me & meet for sex when they at school or whatever. That's my deal'.

Lovely to see all the chat on here at the moment.

Just catching up and had to laugh about all your thoughts on the men who are climbing mountains and paddleboarding all the time....I am them but in female form😱

Its me looking for men like that😂

I am early 40's and had my children very young so they are all grown up now so now is my time to do what I like.
I find that I have to go much older to find men in the same situation as me as most my age have young children so won't have the free time I have.

I've always been outdoorsy but was somewhat stifled in my marriage and concentrated on my husband and kids, but since we split and divorced (nearly 6 years ago) I've embraced all my free time and now do outdoorsy things, not yet climbed a mountain but do the peaks and love paddleboarding and stuff like that.
Climbing mountains is on my list but I'm not yet brave enough😱😂
Luckily I have a friend with a camper van so in spring/summer we are off to the peaks regularly and when not away are doing outdoorsy stuff where we live.

I love that we are all so different 🙂

Thanks everyone, have been chatting with Mr Nerd loads since the date. It's nice.

But had a really nice looking bloke message me on match last night. How do people feel about messaging a few at the same time? I'm after a fit in around the kids situation, so not exactly looking for something long term anyway. But feel a bit guilty messaging a few at the same time.

@NervesOfCotton sometimes when I see a bloke with an awful message like that on his profile I wonder if he is just saying out loud what a lot of men think. Grim. And I hate the hypocrisy over recent images. None of mine are older than 6 months but you see some mens and think they must be years old!

@friendswiththemonstera my male friends had the same experience with lots of dates. If you are vaguely normal, with a stable job and normal chat, as a man, you will easily get dates I feel. Next level up with a 'good' job (think law etc) and tall, and you'd be inundated. One ex went on a date per week for 2 years (he's very tall!).

Having no luck on the apps aside from men bringing up swinging and sex within a couple of messages. Even if I was into that, why would I tell them so quickly! Arghhh

I've been loving the posts about the OLD profiles. Here's one I saw yesterday - who would swipe right on such pity??? 😂

Is anyone like me and has a thing for beards? There is a dating app called Bristlr which is specifically for people who like/have beards. It's very basic, but worth a look if you like a bearded chap 😁

@Superawkward think it’s actually wise to message a few at the same time as it stops you being over invested too early in just the one, in the early days anyway

Yes exactly. I firmly believe most men struggle on dating apps because their profiles are rubbish and/or because they instantly start talking about sex. Meanwhile women have better profiles and men mostly just look at the pictures so it's no surprise they send more likes. My ex would swipe purely on the first picture and then would X them after looking through the profile if they matched with him and he didn't like something on their profile.