Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh yes I do love a bread! I will need to check it out!

That's awful them making comments about your weight/size @NervesOfCotton, mad of them to think that kind of chat will endear you to them

@friendswiththemonstera I think that is how most blokes operate TBH.

Talking about dating profiles, I stumbled on a coworkers dating profile. If he's seen mine he's not said anything (thank god!). In work, he is an absolutely sanctimonious twat who talks down to everyone. He has some serious mummy issues with a manager. He has no friends that he talks of and is a bit odd. Of course his dating profile is FULL of pics of him climbing mountains!!

@NervesOfCotton@Starseeking it's awful isn't it?

Just want to reassure you though @NervesOfCotton I'm a size 16 and not had any negative comments from blokes, but had plenty nice messages from blokes who like it! There will be someone out there who likes you just as you are. Accept no less!

@Loopylooni @friendswiththemonstera

Exactly the same with my male friends. They have more messages and dates than they have hot dinners. My two single and dating 50 something male friends are having dates every week whereas my single 50 something female friends barely get a chat.

Been back on the apps a few days now and it’s tumbleweed. Apart from Mr Hi Babe I’ve had nothing at all. I’ve messaged a handful on Bumble but no replies and not a single match on Hinge.

Funny I’ve seen several male acquaintances/friends of friends/mates exes on OLD and every single one of them is lying about their age by at least 5 years

Yes and one of the most eligible young women I know (lawyer in her 20s, pretty, funny and very emotionally mature) never found someone she liked enough to go on a date with on OLD. Her sister has similarly struggled. I think the OLD dating pools can be a bit odd but like in life generally I think a tall white man with a decent job does extremely well and all those statistics are either highly questionable or reflect the reality that a lot of men on OLD are pervs or unable to communicate effectively with people in general and women in particular.

Kind of makes me mad thinking of how easy a time my ex will have of it 😂maybe I'm not ready to date

@friendswiththemonstera my male friends who did online dating a few years back were inundated with messages and dates from women. All professional white men between 5'10 and 6'1", with their own flats at the time.

They were online because we had just qualified in our work, hours were crazy, and a lot of time when we were all out in the City they found it hard to meet genuine people looking for a relationship.

They were online because having had their fun times, all had reached a stage (mid 30's) where they were ready to settle down.

The ones coming on to OLD now in my age range (40's) just seem to want "fun". I can believe the 20% of men who seem halfway decent get lots of messages because there's so few of them!

@Starseeking I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s frustrating to have to deal with single 40s men who are going through a mid life crisis or have reverted to their teenage days. And to be honest, most of the single 40s men I have met even in the past two weeks were just dull and not fun at all, no matter what their jobs etc are, so they were looking for someone to provide them with entertainment!

The ones coming on to OLD now in my age range (40's) just seem to want "fun". I can believe the 20% of men who seem halfway decent get lots of messages because there's so few of them!

Exactly the same as my age range - 50’s - the majority either rough as a badgers arse or looking for casual. Anyone half decent gets snapped up and the rest stay on there bemoaning the fact women won’t give them a chance.

My friend and I were talking the other day.

She left her DP because he was financially, emotionally and verbally abusive.

I left my DP because he was emotionally and verbally abusive (although he did also try to be financially abusive, but was unsuccessful as I earned more than he did).

We both have DC with our EXDP's, so it took over a year to leave each bad relationship in our cases.

These are some of the men who have been thrown back into the dating pool, and are online. Have they changed their ways? I doubt it. But on the face of it, they appear to be attractive, tall, solvent men and will be swiping right to find new victims.

My friend is too scared to do OLD because of this, however I'm just trying to use it as another way to meet more men in the hope that one is a good 'un. The success stories on this and the other dating threads fill me with optimism that it will happen for me one day, if I just keep going lol.

Yes. Although both my friend and my ex have quite serious emotional issues that make it challenging for them to make a relationship work long term.

Maybe it's just difficult for everyone in some way.

I matched with a guy I really like last night but he's very slow to respond....meanwhile the guy I'm seeing on Friday messages so much and so quickly that I'm concerned. I'm like goldilocks 😂

OMG. Snap. But took much longer to leave as unmarried (stupidly). Ex is still abusive but is OLD with a profile stating he’s 3 years younger and looking for “a woman with a heart of gold” ie a doormat to take advantage of. This is what we’re dealing with. It’s not a pool, it’s a shallow muddy puddle

Superawkward & Starseeking Thank you. They are clearly looking for women with low self esteem aren't they. Like 'Yeah, you are fat, but I don't mind being seen with you, you probably won't get better than me anyway, based on the size of you'.

Yes re old photos, now I've been doing this OLD on & off for years, there are sooo many men popping up on all the dating sites, with the one same headshot that they had when I first joined up!

And yes re men in their 40's/50's. Either home watching TV every single evening/weekend without fail OR out at the club's until the early hours, 5 nights a week.

There's no happy medium (which is what I'm looking for!)

Oh yes, totally. When i see a man who says he's looking for "patience" "a woman with a heart of gold" "someone to accept my flaws" etc i think, ok, you're looking for someone who will put up with shit behaviour. No thanks. You could try not behaving in a shitty way.

I think that with ‘don’t do drama’

It means I want a woman who will STFU and never question me on my BS

Yes you're right. I find anyone who chooses to put something negative rather than positive in a "what I'm looking for" type question is a red flag. It's not a good mindset whatever the reason (to me at least).

Absolutely friendswiththemonstera. There's just no need for the negativity. I know I'm plenty negative on here but I'm not on my profiles

I asked one of them once what 'No drama' meant to him & he said 'Not having to be a dad to your unruly kids or deal with your crazy ex'. So I said 'Sure. The rest of the men, who don't write 'No drama', are all hoping that the women come with nightmare kids who need a step dad as of tomorrow, & a totally crazy ex'. Then I blocked him.

same as when they say they want 'Good sex', & I think 'Well nobody is ever gonna think 'Ooh, he seems nice, you know what will make him perfect though, is if he's really, really crap in bed'. Are they.

No Drama practically screams 'I am a walking drama magnet'.

Well Mr Hi Babe has already been binned. Though he did up his responses to my questions about him to ‘I want to hold your hand and give you cheeky kisses’ rather than actually give a fecking answer - ffs 🤦‍♀️

So yes pretty but thick as two planks is my verdict

Sorry to hear that @SamW98. It's so annoying when you've found one that appears attractive and normal, then they go and ruin it!

Tbh I’m not sure he ever seemed normal 🤣🤣
Literally every question and message I sent I got ‘your beautiful’ ‘you look amazing’ then that latest one. He literally didn’t answer anything - just meaningless nonsense accompanied by about a million ❤️😘🌹🥰

Aah I hate those ones SamW98. It's like 'Yes ok, you think I'm beautiful. Have you got anything else to say?!'

It’s like pulling teeth. I wasn’t asking him to explain E=MC2 it was basic stuff.

I don’t get what goes through their heads.

Me - ‘So where do you live?’
Him ‘wow your beautiful babe’

Er ok try again

‘are you at work? What do you do?’

’You look sexy and amazing’

Last try

’So tell me a bit more about you’

‘I want to hold your hand and give you cheeky kisses’

I give up 🙄

@Starseeking my ex has had several run ins with the police regarding his relationships with women yet he was also inundated on online dating because he's an attractive white male. I do think these types tend to say what they want the women want to say whereas women tend to be more upfront about who they really are