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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner strangled me

156 replies

RH90 · 12/12/2023 15:24

Hi, my partner strangled me a few times on Sunday night, he claims he’s so sorry but he really frightened me. He’s always such a lovely man to me but lately I think once he has had a drink he turns on me. We have been together for 4 years now and I don’t understand why this is happening. He really scared me Sunday night & I’ve sent him back to his parents house and asked him to leave to give me some space. Part of me wants to run for the hills but knowing what he is like normally and him promising this won’t happen again I just don’t know what to do 😔

OP posts:
Dotty87 · 12/12/2023 22:29

Dotty87 · 12/12/2023 22:28

I would echo the advice to change the locks, unless they're security keys he could easily have copies still.

Please report him to the police, I would worry that once he realises that the space you've requested is permanent he maybe turn nasty.

You've already done the hard part in getting him out, don't cover for him, make sure you protect yourself.

Nastier, that is.

AndOnAndOn1000 · 12/12/2023 22:39

Strangling you once means there’s no coming back from that, but you say he did it a few times!??

You must have been petrified.

This guy is seriously dangerous. Do you know anything at all about his past?

Like others have said you should get yourself checked out and get the police involved.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/12/2023 22:56

RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:38

I know and I am just traumatised and heartbroken … I will bounce back I know what I have done the best thing just doesn’t make it any easier does it

It's absolutely ok and normal to be sad and grieving the relationship and the good times you had and the future you wished for op, as well as of course feeling relief that you're safe now and not badly injured or dead (which you might have been). Unfortunately his violence outweighs any good traits he had and no man is worth risking your life for.

Please stay safe now - I really recommend calling the police and getting advice on how to prevent him turning up at your door. Get a ring doorbell and a friend to stay if you can?

Cas112 · 13/12/2023 16:34

Next time he could kill you and then you won't have a choice to leave

Izzy54321 · 13/12/2023 18:03

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP firstly can I say well done getting him out of your home, secondly please please please never ever have this man back in your life in anyway shape or form. Men who strangle their partners are so dangerous evil and abusive. Drink is never an excuse. I don’t know if you want to go to the police? Personally I would be reporting him. But I also understand if you’re scared and do not know what to do, call women’s aid talk to anyone in your life you trust get some support.
He is not a nice man OP he is a violent abuser he could have killed you. Please reach out to family and friends and consider going to the police. I wish you well OP and I’m sending you a hug 💐

Tiredofthiss · 13/12/2023 18:41

You need to report it to the police for the obvious reasons and to also make it an absolute no coming back from this action.

I went to court over an ex doing this to me an he was charged for it. He was all apologetic and sorry after but as soon as the police were involved the man you saw like a switch had flipped? That's what he was like and it was like the mask came off and he went into protecting himself mode and acting unhinged towards me. I was moved for my own safety.

You need to tell people in real life and get checked out at the hospital and call the police. If you aren't what you are doing is keeping the door open incase you change your mind. That's a dangerous way to go after what he's done..

You said he burst a vessel in your eye he really did it with intent. You say more than once too?

Please tell a friend and the police and go with a friend to get checked out. You have to do this next step or you will crack and may let him back.

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