Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner strangled me

156 replies

RH90 · 12/12/2023 15:24

Hi, my partner strangled me a few times on Sunday night, he claims he’s so sorry but he really frightened me. He’s always such a lovely man to me but lately I think once he has had a drink he turns on me. We have been together for 4 years now and I don’t understand why this is happening. He really scared me Sunday night & I’ve sent him back to his parents house and asked him to leave to give me some space. Part of me wants to run for the hills but knowing what he is like normally and him promising this won’t happen again I just don’t know what to do 😔

OP posts:
Nicole1111 · 12/12/2023 16:57

Strangling someone is often linked to men who go on to kill their partners and ending a relationship is one of the riskiest times. Stay strong in keeping away from him, change the locks, report it to the police, tell everyone in your life what has happened and set up a code work you can text in an emergency so they can help to try and keep you safe, do the freedom programme online, ring a local domestic abuse charity for one on one support and work on your self esteem (overcoming low self esteem is a good book). If you can survive a domestic abuse relationship you can survive leaving one and you are stronger than you know.

Original poster
RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:59

He was drunk it’s like something flipped in him I hadn’t seen in all the 4 years we been together. It was like someone possessed

OP posts:
Mariposista · 12/12/2023 17:01

Why the heck isn’t he an ex-partner by now? In what realm is strangling someone ok?
I do hope you don’t have children.

Blueeyedmale · 12/12/2023 17:01

He is only sorry until the next time please leave for you physical health and mental wellbeing!

Anneta · 12/12/2023 17:03

Please, please listen to all the sensible advice that you have been given on here.
Call the police and report what happened.
Tell your family & friends so that they can support you. You will be less likely to take him back if you have told people in real life.
Protect yourself by having your locks changed & by obtaining a restraining order against him coming anywhere near you. This is so important in case he drinks again and decides to come and see you because then you can have him arrested.
Go to your GP and have this registered on your medical records, especially if you have any injuries / bruises.

Original poster
RH90 · 12/12/2023 17:03

I have taken some photos yes, my eye has like a red popped vessel in the right eye, my neck was a little swollen & I have bruises to my arms also I have taken the photos and saved it in a private file on my phone

OP posts:
Newhere5 · 12/12/2023 17:03

Leave now

SoRainbowRhythms · 12/12/2023 17:05

Please RTFT - OP has ended the relationship.

Neverimagined · 12/12/2023 17:05

You are so brave and strong. Well done. Keep posting and talking to us Flowers

Vinoveritass · 12/12/2023 17:06

Strangulation is the biggest precursor for murder in domestic violence situations. He'll never get better only worse. Please listen to Laura Richards expertise on the matter, she helped change domestic violence laws

averylongtimeago · 12/12/2023 17:08

Anisette · 12/12/2023 16:44

Do you know why he did this? Was it in anger, was he drunk, was he getting sexual pleasure from it?

Give over. It doesn't matter why he strangled the OP. There is no excuse.

Nicesalad · 12/12/2023 17:10

I think you need to go and see your GP tomorrow, tell them what happened and get checked out

cezannesapple · 12/12/2023 17:10

I’m so sorry, OP. This happened to me when I was a young woman by someone I worked with. I didn’t have the confidence to go to the police at the time as several of us had been out together all day and drinking. I was also in his flat so knew the police wouldn’t take it seriously even at that age. Someone dragged him off me and I was left with bruising on my arms and around my neck. Every time I see a woman has been murdered by a man of a certain age I check to see if it is him. I still wonder if I could report it decades later. I urge you to report it to the police for future women he comes into contact with. It haunts me that I didn’t. You don’t have to do it straight away but please do think about it. You must be so shocked and upset and my heart goes out to you.

cerisepanther73 · 12/12/2023 17:11

@RH90

Even if he attempted to strangle once,

is horrific enough ,!!!

let alone multiple times,

There's no excuse for it whatsoever

He could have murdered you, and you become another Domestic violence statistic.

Xiomara22 · 12/12/2023 17:13

Think what you would tell a daughter or son to do if they came to you and their ‘partner’ was doing the same...

NoWayRose · 12/12/2023 17:13

They’ve recently introduced a new law on this because non fatal strangulation is such a huge risk factor for subsequent murder of partners later. I think he could get five years for this now.

Please leave but do it safely by getting in touch with Women’s Aid or similar right now

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 12/12/2023 17:13

Please go and get checked out by a doctor, it can cause permanent damage and you need to be checked out Flowers

DirectionToPerfection · 12/12/2023 17:15

You are doing the right thing OP and you must be in shock.

Please go to the police to get this on record, and show them the photos. Clearly he has the capability to be violent and he will do this again.

Vettrianofan · 12/12/2023 17:16

Have your incident logged with the police so there is a written statement of what happened.

TerribleWoman · 12/12/2023 17:17

I met my husband in October 1989. We were 18 years old and we knew hardly anything of life. In the 34 years since we have been angry with each other many times. I once threw a melon that smashed on the floor near him. He has slammed a few doors. We have yelled at each other a few times; each of us has stormed out and driven off at some point. We have dealt with debt, house purchases, children, parental ill health, serious illness in our children, and even cutting a toxic parent off for a year.

In 34 years he has managed never to strangle me, or slap me, or kick me, or punch me, or pull my hair, or call me any name including cunt, bitch etc. Similarly I have never done any of those things to him. It is not inevitable, it is not to be expected when things get tough, it is never acceptable, not even once.

cantbecaught · 12/12/2023 17:20

You poor love, what a thing to have gone through. You have been very strong getting him out and you need to stay strong and keep him out. The danger is real. Please tell people in real life who can support you.

pippinsleftleg · 12/12/2023 17:20

Please see your GP then report to the police.

Ebeneser · 12/12/2023 17:21

SoRainbowRhythms · 12/12/2023 15:27

He's not a lovely man, he's an abusive, violent cunt.

He will promise, but he will do it again, and there is a high probability he will kill you.

Get as far away from him as possible.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/oct/14/gabby-petito-wyoming-strangulation-domestic-violence

This is the paragraph in particular you need to take note of @RH90

"According to one study, 43% of women who are murdered by their intimate partners had been strangled by them in the past year. Once a woman has been strangled by her partner, the likelihood that he will strangle her again rises tenfold. The likelihood that he will murder her rises nearly eightfold."

Report to the police so it's on record and run like the clappers from him.

Strangulation: The Red Flag Of Domestic Violence That We Never Discuss

https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/strangulation-the-red-flag-of-domestic-violence-that-we-never-discuss/

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/12/2023 17:21

RUN. Report it to the police. Don't ever let him come back.

Once they cross a line and strangle, there's no going back. Believe me, I know from experience. I survived - just.

Swipe left for the next trending thread