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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner strangled me

156 replies

RH90 · 12/12/2023 15:24

Hi, my partner strangled me a few times on Sunday night, he claims he’s so sorry but he really frightened me. He’s always such a lovely man to me but lately I think once he has had a drink he turns on me. We have been together for 4 years now and I don’t understand why this is happening. He really scared me Sunday night & I’ve sent him back to his parents house and asked him to leave to give me some space. Part of me wants to run for the hills but knowing what he is like normally and him promising this won’t happen again I just don’t know what to do 😔

OP posts:
kimberl83 · 12/12/2023 16:14

This is how it starts.....believe me when I say you need to end it....once you forgive once that's it.....you have given permission for this to happen again and again and his get out clause that he's sorry and it won't happen again will become the only thing you will hear time and time again and it will get worse....end it KNOW YOUR WORTH .....NO EXCUSES. If you stay with him after this your accepting being treated this way..NO APOLOGY IN THE WORLD MAKES THIS OK....YOU ARE WORTH MORE XX

starsparkle08 · 12/12/2023 16:14

He could have killed you . Report to GP to get checked and have on record his behaviour . Contact police and please don’t see him again . These men are professionals at apologising yet it means nothing . He will also play the victim . You need to talk to people you trust about this

SnowSwan · 12/12/2023 16:16

In my opinion, strangling is attempted murder. It not like lashing out and punching someone with the purpose of hurting them. It's purpose is to stop someone from breathing. Like holding someone's head underwater or pushing them off a cliff. It goes beyond assault.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 12/12/2023 16:17

RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:09

No one no, this is why I joined this forum to speak about it, I knew what I had to do and reading these comments I know I can’t go back and I don’t want to I’m just a bit traumatised at the moment

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Richard1985 · 12/12/2023 16:18

Contact the police and change the locks on your door. Preferably move out for a couple of days (at least) to somewhere he cannot trace you.

It's interesting that you describe him as a lovely guy even after doing this.

I wouldn't say I was a particularly lovely guy (just bog standard) and I have never touched a female, or anyone else, in a violent way

Well done for kicking him out and being so clinical with it. As you will read regularly on this forum, it rarely seems to be the case that people are willing to leave these situations so readily

purplecorkheart · 12/12/2023 16:20

I am so sorry that you are going through this but you partner attempted to kill you a number of times on Sunday so you are right you need to run.

Please report to the Police. Please contact Women's Aid who can offer you support and advice.

Littlefish · 12/12/2023 16:27

RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:01

Thank you all for the replies, he has left and all his things are gone aswel I made sure of that. I’m just so shocked by his actions I know really what I have to do I’m just shocked it occurred in the first place. It was like a different person I didn’t recognise that I’d never seen before.

Please report him to the police as well.

If he's dove this to you, he is highly likely to do it to his next partner too. Her outcome may not be the same as yours.

TeacherPlease · 12/12/2023 16:28

Leave. Statistically he will kill you. You don’t deserve to live like this.

Didydani · 12/12/2023 16:33

Good God please please please do not take him back op. As many others here have said, leave him! And of course report this to the police to get it on record. He isn't worth the risk, you can do a lot better than him, and you deserve to feel safe and loved in a relationship, not the opposite!!

neilyoungismyhero · 12/12/2023 16:34

What do you mean strangled you a few times? You should have called the police the first time and got him arrested/moved out of the house. The next time you might not be so fortunate.

Daleksatemyshed · 12/12/2023 16:35

You must feel very sad and shocked @RH90 if this wasn't the person you knew but sadly that man has gone. You say he's like this after drinking so maybe the alcohol brings out the worst in him but it still means that person is in him, the man who gets violent when drunk. You've done the absolute best thing by making him leave, even if he never drank again how would you ever feel safe with him again

SoRainbowRhythms · 12/12/2023 16:36

RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:09

No one no, this is why I joined this forum to speak about it, I knew what I had to do and reading these comments I know I can’t go back and I don’t want to I’m just a bit traumatised at the moment

Of course you are, you've been through a horrific thing. If you don't feel like you can confide in someone in real life (I get it) then please keep posting here for support x

Vet73 · 12/12/2023 16:37

He will kill you next time, leave!
Barging past someone or saying something hurtful is one thing that I think can be forgiven if they prove they are regretful but he wanted to scare you, he even wanted to hurt you. You are in danger and if you stay with him you’re telling him it’s okay

Original poster
RH90 · 12/12/2023 16:38

I know and I am just traumatised and heartbroken … I will bounce back I know what I have done the best thing just doesn’t make it any easier does it

OP posts:
Beargrumps22 · 12/12/2023 16:39

leave him at his parents contact womens aid and do not go back with him

Windmill34 · 12/12/2023 16:40

To make it easier just think
if he hadn’t of stopped
you would be dead !!

FredtheCatsMum · 12/12/2023 16:41

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Call the police
See a doctor, even if you feel okay right now.. The long term effects of strangulation can be very dangerous.

Please, call the national domestic abuse helpline 0808 2000247 for advice

Daleksatemyshed · 12/12/2023 16:42

@RH90 no it doesn't, sometimes doing the best thing for you is still very hard but I'm very glad you've been strong enough to do it. Take care and good luck

Anisette · 12/12/2023 16:44

Do you know why he did this? Was it in anger, was he drunk, was he getting sexual pleasure from it?

HandyLittleGadget · 12/12/2023 16:45

Don't take him back. Get a restraining order.

Devilsmommy · 12/12/2023 16:47

If you stay with him after he's strangled you, it will only get worse. And yes I'm speaking from experience. Leave asap. He's only sorry that he's shown you his true colours and is scared you'll tell him to fuck off. Do it and congratulate yourself for getting away from the twat

Swishyfishy · 12/12/2023 16:48

Police. Please report

Bonbon21 · 12/12/2023 16:52

Tell somebody in real life.... you have done nothing wrong... you have nothing to be ashamed about.... but dont sweep your feelings about what happened under the carpet.
Be kind to yourself.. this has been a huge shock... and you have done the right thing.

adorablecat · 12/12/2023 16:56

Do you have any injuries or reddening to your skin from being strangled? If so, take pictures. If you go to the police, this will be useful evidence and even if you don't, you will always have a visual reminder to look at if you are contemplating taking the abusive partner back.