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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He put us on Pornhub🙈

276 replies

Xelaharas · 07/12/2023 17:25

Fiancé and I have been together 5 years. We have our ups and down but the bedroom department is always 20/10. He went through a phase of videoing our intimate moments and I didn't have a problem with that. He mentioned to me before about making us a page but I thought he was messing around and at no point did I agree. He sent me a link today, to MY OWN PAGE on Pornhub and it's been active for over a year.
I feel absolutely violated and completely disrespected. You can't see me face in any of the video's and he uploaded at least 5. Personally, I think I look fu**ing hot in them but that's not the point. They were for us, they were private. I screamed at him over the phone and he has now taken them off, but I can't see how I can one day marry a man who basically sees me as a porn star. In one way it's flattering to know that he would rather watch me than regular porn but one of them had over 2k views and people had made (obviously) explicit comments about me. A lot of people have seen my derriere that I don't know and I really don't like that. I've told him that he better hold on to those videos because that's all he is ever going to see of me again and he's saying I'm overreacting! I've taken off my engagement ring, I'm so angry.
This isn't a conversation I can have with an actual person, without embarrassing myself.
PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME I'M NOT EXAGGERATING??

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 07/12/2023 18:26

At the very least, do not ever go near this man again, never mind marry him,

At best, go to the police. You really don’t have a clue at this point exactly what videos are out there of you and these could come back to haunt you badly, when you have children (not with him for godsake) for example.

this is bad. Very bad. Don’t minimise it or let him minimise it.

Hayliebells · 07/12/2023 18:28

You're right, you cannot marry him. Who would even do that? I'd be worried about what he might do in revenge though, so absolutely go to the police.

Haffiana · 07/12/2023 18:28

Christ, is this what the world has come to?

'He filmed me and posted it on Pornhub, but I need to ask if it is OK to be angry?'

Why are women today unable to know wrong from right when it comes to porn? What are we teaching our daughters exactly?

Stressyfab · 07/12/2023 18:28

OP- it’s possible he’s profiting off the video(s).

sorry if anyone’s mentioned already, migraine coming on so haven’t read through. Please don’t stay with this man.

Marmunia10666 · 07/12/2023 18:29

That's embarrassing. Don't film your rubbish in the first place.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/12/2023 18:29

how grubby

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 07/12/2023 18:30

LTB and report to police.

QueenofTerrasen · 07/12/2023 18:30

Leave him, and tell the police what he's done. He's less likely to keep the videos or share them again after police involvement.

iamenough2023 · 07/12/2023 18:30

It would be nice if the posters could try to stay civil and focused and not to make this thread about them, but the actual OP.

QueenofTerrasen · 07/12/2023 18:31

Marmunia10666 · 07/12/2023 18:29

That's embarrassing. Don't film your rubbish in the first place.

How helpful

millymog11 · 07/12/2023 18:33

"Personally, I think I look fu**ing hot in them but that's not the point."

Not read the whole thread but have read the OP.
The above is your problem OP.

It is quite possible for you both to be absolutely smoking in the bedroom and of course it might feel flattering (that feels like the wrong word but it is the closest word I can think of at the moment) that your partner thinks you are so hot that he thinks other men would think so too. Or is that flattering? Ask yourself that.

Because if you have an engagement ring on your finger then a lot of women would take that as a sign that their partner wanted to protect them, shield them from others, "mate guarding" or whatever you want to call it.

So its online and there might be a dismissive voice saying "my face is not visible".

But this is the man you are planning on marrying. Think about that.

On a personal level I don't actually know how pornhub works. If your partner is making money off the back of the videos of you he has uploaded *(is that how it works? i honestly don't know) I would be out of that place faster than you can say the word "pornhub" and would never have any contact with him ever again.

Other people can give you hot sex (sounds like you would have lots who would try to...)

But this bloke is showing you by his actions that he doesn't particularly care whether you trust him or his word to you/what you have both agreed to each other.

IdealisticCynic · 07/12/2023 18:35

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 07/12/2023 17:38

Well OP is delighted how hot she looks and she's happy for him to keep the videos on his phone and she says she didn't agree but hasn't said she disagreed. Just looking for clarification. You also missed the point where I said if she had explicitly refused she should contact police.

Show quote history

No, you’re missing the point.

She should contact the police unless she explicitly consented.

TheCatterall · 07/12/2023 18:37

@Xelaharas those videos will be all over the Internet now. People can easily copy them and will have uploaded them elsewhere there is no chance that all copies will ever be removed.

Cakencookieobsessed · 07/12/2023 18:37

The laughing monkey emoji tells me everything I need to know about this thread.

iamenough2023 · 07/12/2023 18:37

Haffiana · 07/12/2023 18:28

Christ, is this what the world has come to?

'He filmed me and posted it on Pornhub, but I need to ask if it is OK to be angry?'

Why are women today unable to know wrong from right when it comes to porn? What are we teaching our daughters exactly?

This. I often read things here on MN and just cannot believe it. It makes you wonder if they are genuine posts or fake. Finding out that your fiance has shared a video like this with anyone is... crazy, but finding out that he put it on a Porn Hub for the whole world to see..... I mean, I am speechless and I have no idea what you are doing here OP. You should be out there talking to the police, lawyers, taking this person to court. I would be outraged, angry, devastated quite frankly.

Emotionalsupportviper · 07/12/2023 18:38

HesAWankerOp · 07/12/2023 17:27

It’s a conversation you need to have with the police op.

THIS!

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 07/12/2023 18:38

Interestingly it would appear that the law states "The person sharing the image or video must have meant to cause fear, alarm or distress, or was reckless as to whether it would cause this. Recklessness means that it was a foreseeable result of their actions". As such perhaps there is such a thing as needing to explicitly refuse?

ErrolTheDragon · 07/12/2023 18:38

Not read the whole thread but have read the OP.
The above is your problem OP.

That's not her problem. The man who posted this content publicly without consent is the problem. did you bother to read her update?

perfectcolourfound · 07/12/2023 18:38

There are so many reasons why I couldn't ever look at him again, let alone respect or fancy him....

He's committed a serious offence.
He's shown he sees your body as 'his', something he can choose to use as he pleases.
He likes the idea of other men using your body to... well..... it's a shocking lack of respect for you.
He doesn't think your opinion was important, ie he doesn't care about your feelings, your self respect.
He values you as a body, for sex, not as his equal.

I beg you to report him to the police. This is really serious, and this is what you know about - there is likely more (at the bery least it would have become more over time). You have no idea what's out there and how it's being used. His complete lack of respect or care for you makes me worried what else he'd be happy to do.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 07/12/2023 18:41

IdealisticCynic · 07/12/2023 18:35

No, you’re missing the point.

She should contact the police unless she explicitly consented.

Show quote history

No I'm really not. Putting yourself in such a vulnerable position really does leave you open to this happening, again whether by the phone being lost or the video being released accidentally to it being deliberately distributed. Maybe best not to film yourself having sex really?

DriftingDora · 07/12/2023 18:42

So he reckons he 'lost' the phone the pics were on? Yes, right...of course he did. OP, you do sound rather naive.

catsandcans · 07/12/2023 18:42

You are not overreacting, if anything you are underreacting. The monkey covering eyes emoji feels very out of place here.

Lwrenagain · 07/12/2023 18:42

I hope no journos pick this up @Xelaharas.

Firstly, how are you? Shock/anger/sadness?

This will be a massively divisive thread soon and it'll probably explode and cause mayhem and be full of all cunty comments. I hope whatever you take away from this is that no matter how good the videos are, youre actually a victim of a sex crime.

I'd never speak to him again and go the police etc but you may not feel that is the right path for you.

What I will say is to anyone saying useful shit such as "embarrassing", op isn't the first or last victim in this kind crime. Be helpful or fuck off.

Changednayme · 07/12/2023 18:42

goady and don’t believe a word of this

Chelsea543 · 07/12/2023 18:43

He has no doubt been making money out of you for a year. The fact he also kept it a secret for a year shows he probably enjoyed making money and having other men perv over you - must have got a kick out of it. These videos could now be copied to plenty of other sites and all over the web.

Im sure he’s aware this is illegal and whether you want to go down the route of prosecution is up to you. Personally I’d steer clear of him for good as he doesn’t respect you enough to share your private moments and body with the world - and like I said already I bet he’s been cashing in on it too!