He put us on Pornhub🙈

[Xelaharas]

Fiancé and I have been together 5 years. We have our ups and down but the bedroom department is always 20/10. He went through a phase of videoing our intimate moments and I didn't have a problem with that. He mentioned to me before about making us a page but I thought he was messing around and at no point did I agree. He sent me a link today, to MY OWN PAGE on Pornhub and it's been active for over a year.
I feel absolutely violated and completely disrespected. You can't see me face in any of the video's and he uploaded at least 5. Personally, I think I look fu**ing hot in them but that's not the point. They were for us, they were private. I screamed at him over the phone and he has now taken them off, but I can't see how I can one day marry a man who basically sees me as a porn star. In one way it's flattering to know that he would rather watch me than regular porn but one of them had over 2k views and people had made (obviously) explicit comments about me. A lot of people have seen my derriere that I don't know and I really don't like that. I've told him that he better hold on to those videos because that's all he is ever going to see of me again and he's saying I'm overreacting! I've taken off my engagement ring, I'm so angry.
This isn't a conversation I can have with an actual person, without embarrassing myself.
PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME I'M NOT EXAGGERATING??

she was clear that the act of the sex and the filming of it were clearly consensual.

the act of sharing it was not.

she is minimising the behaviour which I am sure you would have witnessed.
how she chooses to do that is unique to each victim-survivor.

humour is a common mechanism when victim survivors are testing the water with an audience to see if abuse has occurred…..particularly where coercive control has been used- the v-S infantilised by the abuser, told that they are over reacting etc

perhaps op has gone a bit tongue in cheek thinking that she is the problem for not feeling comfortable about it and not wanting to be identified by this audience as problematic.

as a professional who supports victim survivors I would encourage you to take this example to clinical supervision and explore the nuance of victim presentation, particularly those who present as emotionally detached from their experience or that are not ready to accept abuse.

also based on this one disclosure I would suggest that this woman’s experience is not comparative with and FGM survivor or that of a person sexually exploited in a physical sense.