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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is anyone up to talk?

135 replies

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 00:51

Testing name change

OP posts:
Tallisimo · 26/07/2023 00:56

What’s up?

TheRosesAreInBloom · 26/07/2023 00:59

I’m up…for ten mins or so

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:04

Incident this evening with DP. Relationship is in the pits anyway. He has an awful habit of waiting until we’re in bed to start trying to discuss issues.

This evening he was on another rant, then started saying how he wants to leave to find someone else. Generally throughout these rants I stay quiet and try to disengage.

The next part is the bit I’m struggling with. I think my lack of response caused it. The lights suddenly get turned on full brightness, and he pins me down on the bed by my wrists while sitting on me, which was painful in itself. Then he starts bouncing the mattress up and down really hard. He then starts recording it on his phone. I manage to get a hand out and push his phone away to the floor. I tell him he’s hurting me, then he picks up the glass of water from the bedside table and throws it in my face.

I’m completely shell shocked. I don’t know what to do. He has sort of apologised but says I made him do it because I wouldn’t talk.

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 01:06

Are you safe, do you have kids, where is your nearest friend

sodthesodoff · 26/07/2023 01:09

Is there anyone else in the house like kids

Can you go anywhere else?

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:09

I’m in the spare room and I’ve told him to stay away from me. I had 999 on my phone to call but think I’m probably overreacting. My youngest daughter is asleep, the oldest two are away tonight.

OP posts:
Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:10

I asked him to leave but he wouldn’t.

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 26/07/2023 01:12

I would continue with the 999 call in all honesty

Especially as you have a child there.

He hurt you and would not stop

I would get it on record too.

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 01:12

You're not overreacting he assaulted you. Go to the police in the morning with your children and get him removed, or stay elsewhere

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 01:16

You need to call the police immediately, report this assault, and have him removed from your home. He is a very dangerous man.

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:16

Do you really think it warrants police involvement? Not to drip feed, but he pushed me into a door an argument a month or so ago. I had bruises on my arm and hip for a couple of weeks from the force of it. He’s so good with his words though. He’s already said he was just moving me out of the way to get past.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 01:17

OF COURSE IT WARRANTS POLICE INVOLVEMENT

He has violently assaulted you, more than once. Please report this.

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:17

I will not call tonight, it is all quiet now. My daughter will be at nursery in the morning and he will be at work.

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 01:18

Regarding your update - you should have phoned the police then too. He is assaulting you and your children are not safe. I'd leave now if you can, with them, and stay with a friend if possible.

Can you get to a charity like My Sisters House?

Move fast, because he will injure you again.

Lillygolightly · 26/07/2023 01:23

He’s assaulted you which is bad enough all by itself, but I can’t help but question why he was trying to film his assault of you. If worries me that he instigated am argument so he could film this with you on/in the bed and the upload somewhere because I am genuinely struggling to understand why he would film it otherwise. You knocking the phone out of his hand fooled his plan and thus he threw the water in your face.

This absolutely terrible unforgivable abusive behaviour and I am with the other posters and would call the police.

Hope you are ok.

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:23

It’s my house - if anyone leaves it will be him, not me.

OP posts:
Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:25

Regarding the phone - he said he was going to send it to my dad (?!) to show everyone that I won’t speak to him. I admit, I completely shut down when he starts one of his rants, I know it winds him up.

OP posts:
Unclecornelius · 26/07/2023 01:26

Get the police to remove him.

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 01:26

Ah but you've said he won't leave. This is why you need him removed by the police, as soon as possible. You see that, right?

A) He may well escalate his attacks on you
B) you taking the hits doesn't automatically save your children from being in the firing line also

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:26

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:25

Regarding the phone - he said he was going to send it to my dad (?!) to show everyone that I won’t speak to him. I admit, I completely shut down when he starts one of his rants, I know it winds him up.

To add, I don’t do it to wind him up, I just freeze.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 01:27

Are you not going to break up with him? Honestly, change the locks when he leaves for work. Never allow him through the door again.

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:28

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 01:26

Ah but you've said he won't leave. This is why you need him removed by the police, as soon as possible. You see that, right?

A) He may well escalate his attacks on you
B) you taking the hits doesn't automatically save your children from being in the firing line also

Yes, I understand. I’m intending on calling 101 in the morning once he’s gone to work and my daughter is at nursery. She doesn’t need to be woken up in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
sjpkgp1 · 26/07/2023 01:29

Only you will know what you can or want to do tonight - but please don't leave it another night. It might seem better and more normal in the morning, but it is not. And have your phone by you in case you do have to call the emergency services. I'm so sorry for what you are going through xx

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:30

Thank you to everyone that’s replied in the middle of the night ❤️

OP posts:
Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:30

He’s also in our bedroom so I couldn’t get changed (out of wet PJs) without him knowing tonight.

OP posts:
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