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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is anyone up to talk?

135 replies

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 00:51

Testing name change

OP posts:
stiltonbriecheddar · 26/07/2023 07:40

What time does he usually go to work?

Tinytigertail · 26/07/2023 07:42

I've just read the thread. Use this time to compose a list of what needs doing today (you can do this on your phone and password protect if necessary) Also, please consider contacting a DA charity, they can offer lots of support going forward. Thinking of you this morning OP, stay strongFlowers

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2023 07:44

I'm glad you're going to phone the police this morning. What time does he go to work?

Original poster
Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 07:50

He should be going around 8.15.

Calling the police seems like a huge mountain to climb this morning - saying it out loud feels impossible.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2023 08:00

Please do call the police though. I understand how scary this feels to do. They’ve dealt with these situations 1000 times and are there to help you… and in a way him. He needs to understand he can’t treat you this way not just for your sakes but also for your children. Even if you split (which I really hope will be permanent), your shared child won’t be little forever. He could easily treat them like this and your older children are entering the difficult teen years. It actually is the best thing for him too as hopefully he will realise what a wanker he has been and give him a reality check... hopefully. It really is for the greater good.

Enforceddrysummer · 26/07/2023 08:16

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 07:50

He should be going around 8.15.

Calling the police seems like a huge mountain to climb this morning - saying it out loud feels impossible.

Do it! It's true that it will escalate especially if you ignore this episode. Next time all the children might be in the house. Take your LO to nursery. Tell them that only you can pick up because of DV. Go home and call police and emergency locksmith. I speak from experience. My exH started on the children as well and punched DD in the face.

MadinMarch · 26/07/2023 10:01

Did he leave for work without causing more trouble, and have you phoned the Police yet?
What shocking and appalling behaviour from him! You really are doing the right thing by calling the police.

prairiedog1 · 26/07/2023 10:04

What a horrible and abusive man. You need to tell someone as he will escalate next time.

Justin999 · 26/07/2023 10:09

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HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 10:10

Hi OP I've just woken up, bloody insomnia had me til 4.

I hope you've made the phonecall now - don't let the daytime and peace and relief he's out convince you to minimise any of this

Justcallmebebes · 26/07/2023 10:11

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Fuck off Justin

mercutio84 · 26/07/2023 10:13

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Reported.

SittingOnTheChair · 26/07/2023 10:15

You can do this. You must do this.

Original poster
Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 10:21

I haven’t done anything yet. I’m not sure I can bring myself to make the call.

He apologised when he came down this morning, and offered to make me a cup of tea. But then tried to turn it all around on me, by saying “it’s not like I did it without anything else happening beforehand”. Which I take to mean my lack of engagement and telling him I wanted to go to sleep.

I can’t do this.

OP posts:
mercutio84 · 26/07/2023 10:25

Oh gosh this sound so difficult and I totally get it's a huge huge thing to call the police and will take a lot of motivation to do it. Just don't let him talk you round that's what abusers do - he's making it sound like it's your fault. It will happen again and you have to protect your kids more than anything. Children will often pick up eventually that abuse is happening and it is harmful to them. And you deserve better yourself.

Why don't you call one of the national helplines when you're alone today and get some professional advice as they will guide you through legalities if you do call police or move out.

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Just call them and then you know that you're taking steps to get away even if you're not calling the police cold turkey

Mmhmmn · 26/07/2023 10:31

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:09

I’m in the spare room and I’ve told him to stay away from me. I had 999 on my phone to call but think I’m probably overreacting. My youngest daughter is asleep, the oldest two are away tonight.

You are not over reacting. He's totally crossed a line and similar will very likely happen again. Suggest you get rid of the bastard. How dare he?

Mmhmmn · 26/07/2023 10:31

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:16

Do you really think it warrants police involvement? Not to drip feed, but he pushed me into a door an argument a month or so ago. I had bruises on my arm and hip for a couple of weeks from the force of it. He’s so good with his words though. He’s already said he was just moving me out of the way to get past.

That's not how normal people get past other human beings.

TeeBee · 26/07/2023 10:32

So he's sorry just enough to shut you up but not enough to actually take responsibility. Is this what you want for your children? This is what they will normalise. Pick up that phone. Get it done!

Mmhmmn · 26/07/2023 10:33

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:23

It’s my house - if anyone leaves it will be him, not me.

Consider throwing his stuff out on the street while he's out and get your locks changed.

mercutio84 · 26/07/2023 10:33

I would also say make sure you take photos of any evidence eg bruises marks on yourself. If you do call police it will be useful to them

DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2023 10:33

Again, call the police. He's assaulted you twice.
But you don't actually need any justification for getting him out of your house, other than you don't want him there.
You can tell the police you've asked him to leave and he's refused, so can they come and help you.
Tell your parents, tell them you need their help in getting him out.
Don't do nothing. This will only get worse.
It doesn't matter what you said or didn't say, he has no right to assault you. Whatever he says doesn't change that.
Call the police.

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 10:34

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 10:21

I haven’t done anything yet. I’m not sure I can bring myself to make the call.

He apologised when he came down this morning, and offered to make me a cup of tea. But then tried to turn it all around on me, by saying “it’s not like I did it without anything else happening beforehand”. Which I take to mean my lack of engagement and telling him I wanted to go to sleep.

I can’t do this.

That's horrific. We can't make you do it of course but your kids are in danger, as are your kids

Mmhmmn · 26/07/2023 10:34

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 01:25

Regarding the phone - he said he was going to send it to my dad (?!) to show everyone that I won’t speak to him. I admit, I completely shut down when he starts one of his rants, I know it winds him up.

Complete nonsense of course. He would send a video of him assaulting you to your family member?I don't think so. He's vile, OP.

Enforceddrysummer · 26/07/2023 10:34

Namechange08 · 26/07/2023 10:21

I haven’t done anything yet. I’m not sure I can bring myself to make the call.

He apologised when he came down this morning, and offered to make me a cup of tea. But then tried to turn it all around on me, by saying “it’s not like I did it without anything else happening beforehand”. Which I take to mean my lack of engagement and telling him I wanted to go to sleep.

I can’t do this.

Think of your children. This will happen again. It will get worse. I know. Why would you risk yourself and your DC after what he did? It was appalling. He's relying on you not doing anything by his feeble apology.

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 10:35

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/07/2023 10:34

That's horrific. We can't make you do it of course but your kids are in danger, as are your kids

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As are you*