Is anyone up to talk?

[Namechange08]

Testing name change

The reason you shit down is quite clearly because he's not trying to speak to you like a normal person. His behaviour is aggressive, threatening and violent. You know this and that is why you shut down - not because you're incapable of talking but because (as Churchill once said!) you can't talk to a tiger when your head is in its mouth. Don't blame yourself for not being able to talk to him - he's made it that way!! But he won't be treating anyone else like that - just you. Please get rid. And please let people IRL know what you're going through.

The first step is to not do this alone. Would you rather have family support initially or police support? If police seems like a step too far then please consider reaching out to a family member or friend today to help you. I cannot emphasise enough how much he is relying on your silence to continue.

Fight, flight and freeze are real responses to danger and you may well be 'frozen' as a manner of self protection. Unfortunately that is what he needs you to do. Family or friend support can help you shift into flight/fight. Best wishes x

This is awful, I'm so sorry your going through this.
You need to get support from the police, and whoever else will be in your corner (friends? Family?)
God forbid any of your children would be in a Relationship like this when they're older, but if they were, you'd feel angry right? And you'd want them to call the police?
Look after yourself for your children's sake as well as yours, and get this loser out your life.
Such a strange thing for him to do.
I'm sorry to read that your going through this

Hopefully Op, you have arranged for a locksmith to come out today to change the locks on your house and are busy packing up his things in bin bags.

It's good that you own the house, hopefully he doesn't have a financial claim on it. When he is gone you will feel better.

Oh please please call the police op. He doesn’t have to know remember, and even if you don’t think you can kick him out, then the next time you will have this report already there. There will be a next time if he stays.
be strong- police and locksmith are the two steps you need to take today to a brighter, safer future for you and your dc.

This is just a variation of the script ‘you made me do it’. Please don’t fall for it.

Whoever you are I hope you've been okay today.

Op , contact the police. He is a violent man that could bloody kill you one day! Then what would happen to your kids? Act now. Please.

It's a pity that you don't want to call the police, as that would send a very clear message to him that he is abusive and bullying. Silence when someone is ranting at you is a reasonable response.
You do need to take some action though, that shows him that his abusive actions have consequences, otherwise you are showing him that he can continue to abuse you with impunity. Next time it may even be much worse with more serious injuries or your child hurt in the crossfire, or deliberately.
Maybe the shock of the attack last night has paralysed you in terms of taking any action? Why don't you buy yourself some time and tell him not to return home tonight, and find somewhere else to live temporarily? Leave a bag outside the house, and possibly change the lock this afternoon if this makes you feel safer. If he argues about this, then call the police to remove him.
Tell your parents what he has done- I'm sure your dad would be quick to comment on the video attempt.
Please think carefully about not taking any action today- he could escalate the violence this evening.

He isn't showing any remorse then. Trying to justify it. Except a pattern is forming. He is attacking the minimising, but the anger has ramped up. I can see why in the cold light of day you don't want to involve the police. My dad used to beat me up. I swore blind to myself I would tell school etc in the middle of the night, but daylight comes and you start minimising it yourself. That's what you are doing. He is minimising it for obvious reasons, and so are you.

My dad used to beat my mum up, was always a bit violent with his kids, but my mum died, my sister left home (because of him) and I became the beaten up one when I was 13 years old, which went on until I packed a bag a few years later. His beatings ramped up too. The worse was when he strangled me to the point I was losing consciousness- I now understand that that this is where a lot of violent men end up when they accelerate their violence. Sorry to merail, different circumstances but their MO is all the same. Please protect yourself.

Thank you everyone. I am still reading all the comments, but still haven’t been brave enough to make the call. I feel pathetic.

And what about tonight what's going to happen?

You are not pathetic in any way at all. But you do need support. Call the national abuse helpline if you're not sure. It's anonymous and at least it may give you information and then you can make a balanced decision about police. I really think you can't leave this though - so many statistics about deaths as a result of escalating abuse and you and your children need you to make a move.

You're not pathetic op. But you do need to realise that you are in immediate danger , and that protecting yourself and your children is the priority. If you're not ready to contact the police today then please tell someone what he did. You need real life support right now. Even if it's a text , tell a trusted person today.

And this is why people say to call the police at the time and not wait till the morning. Not surprised to see op has decided not to call...

Excuse me? At what point have I said I won’t be calling? I assume you haven’t experienced anything similar.

I know it's hard. But if the house sprang a gas leak, you'd get your DC out wouldn't you? Try to look at it like that.

Try this. It's online chat. Easier than the phone.

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Chat-to-us-online

Thank you. I saw this last night. I’m in in the queue now, I had forgotten about it x

You are braver than you feel right now. Its a shock what has happened. I have been where you are right now so you hafe my full empathy.

Take each hour as it comes. Just dont let him back in. I was told by someone in the police that its somewhat easy to leave a relationship, but harder to stay away once the ex starts meddling with your reality, changes the narrative and gaslights you into believing you were wrong. But you are not wrong. No one on this planet has the right to abuse, no one

I have and called the police as soon as it happened so I knew there was no going back

You've gone quiet OP, hope you are OK

It may seem harsh but if you have decided - for whatever reason - to leave things as they are, he will take it as permission to up his game next time.

It won't be a bounce on the bed or a glass of water thrown over you, it will be a smack across your face at the very least.

You will now be afraid to 'challenge' him in any way (by remaining silent for Christ's sake, the wanker that he is 😡)

You will walk on eggshells from now on.. The aggression will escalate quickly and there will be a shorter time span between each occasion.

Can I ask how he would have reacted if you had retaliated with a glass of water thrown over him? 🤔

OP, I'm sensing you may be worried about the police not believing you or thinking you are wasting their time.

They are trained to deal with domestic violence reports. They are trained to speak to you in a way that doesn't make you feel like you should be questioning what really happened or that you are to blame.

You mention you don't want to say it out loud. If it helps it seem less scary, you can also report it online rather than speak to someone on the phone. You can click the red button to leave the site at any time if your partner is around and you do not want him to see:

www.police.uk/ro/report/domestic-abuse/a1/report-domestic-abuse/

OP please report him and leave this monster.
Many years ago I was in a DV relationship and stayed far too long, please get out now. The police were a fantastic help when I called them and were there within minutes.
They helped me get a restraining order against my ex