Is anyone up to talk?

[Namechange08]

Testing name change

OP

When you drop DD at nursery tell them only you can collect her. Sorry I don't mean to scare you but violent men often see you and any children as property, once he finds the locks have changed he may well react.

Please please go ahead with plans to report to police and have locks changed tomorrow morning. Pack him a bag and leave it outside. Ideally go and stay somewhere for a few days, or have a friend/family member come to stay with you. Add any bolts too to secure all the doors and check the windows.

He's a nasty, nasty piece of work and not someone you can risk having around you or your children. Tomorrow is the first day of a better life x

Thank you all so much. I’d already considered taking DD out of nursery early tomorrow. It’s only found the corner from the house thankfully.

Sending you big hugs 🫂 xxx

Reading your post made me go cold. Do you have a lock on the bedroom door you're currently in? Depending on the age of your kids I'd be inclined to bring at the very least the youngest into the room with me and either locking the door until the morning or putting a dining chair at an angle underneath the door handle so I could feel safe enough to sleep. Although appreciate you won't want to lock your children out of the room. Please don't downplay this - reread all these messages in the morning to remind yourself how serious this is and make sure you and your kids get the help you need to be safe. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It may be better to send DC to nursery tomorrow, let them know what has happened so they can keep them safe while you do the necessary with changing locks, etc. Sending you all the love and strength to get through this safely xxx

Hello,

Im still up and I've been through DV/womans aid and refuge/ non mol etc. If youd like to message i can certainly try to help with practical advice and emotional support.

Sending you strength
I believe you. Youre not over reacting. It really is as bad as it feels. Your feelings are valid. Youre not alone.

Speak to DV services in the morning then.

Is the house yours, his or joint?

Just so you know: this absolutely warrants immediate police involvement. On a 999 basis. You would still be absolutely entitled to call them now. This man is very dangerous. If he comes near you again tonight, please call 999. Better your little one gets woken up by the police arresting him than you are harmed further.

It is worth you calling 999. It is an emergency.

I remember how scared I was when I realised I had to call the police. I didn't and I will always regret that.

Hope you're sleeping now.
If it's difficult to see how bad it is imagine if your best friend or daughter when she's older came and told you this. What advice would you give them?
Thinking of you.

I'm so glad you're going to kick him out tomorrow. Is he the father of the little one?

Woman's aid will support you and give you guidance and refuge if needed.

You go non verbal when scared, not an unusual reaction. My stbxh has a similar effect on me. Even if you were doing it on purpose his response would still be wrong and abusive. He's been physically violent to you twice now, his behaviour is escalating. It's your house and you're not married, if you are in the UK I believe that means he has no right to the house so you can change the locks when he goes to work tomorrow and shut him out legally. Not the case where I live. If you can do so call the police tomorrow, change the locks.

For now keep your phone on you in case you need it and think about your options for a safety plan if you need to leave in hurry. I know how much you want to think that's not necessary but it is. I'm sorry he's putting you through this, NONE of this is your fault, you didn't make him do it, this is all him. It feels surreal and wrong that someone you trusted and loved can turn out to be a danger to you, but he is a danger to you all. I wish you all the best and strength to get through this. You are stronger then he's made you feel you are.

You are entitled to silence even if that wasn’t your intention at the time. He has no right to try and force you to speak. Nobody is going to think you were trying to wind him up. This is what he says to you to justify his behaviour. Bullies take no responsibility for their actions because they are so good at blame-shifting and so entitled that they end up believing themselves. He will have been “training” you with subtle put-downs, disapproving looks and sulking from the beginning of the relationship to try and control you. Now you know and that he is escalating, you have seen for yourself just how destructive he is.

I hope you've managed some sleep OP, stay strong today - we're all here for you

I hope you’re ok. I agree this is a 999 situation. He has evidence on his phone that he is abusing you, which could be shown to the police. Either way, he doesn’t get to return to the house. Police called, locks changed and his stuff out the front or to be collected when you have a police presence or a couple of male friends / family members around to protect you.

That is absolutely horrific, what a terrible night. Please get this man out of your house tomorrow. I hope you're ok. You are not doing anything wrong not talking to him, he's setting you up as a target for his agression

I hope you're okay. Definitely phone the police. X

Change the locks when he is out if he won't leave then call the police .
He sounds awful!

I’m so glad the house is yours. I hope you are able to call police and locksmith this morning.

You’re being abused and you need to get away from this man and make sure you and your children are safe. It sounds like he might be escalating and it’s going to get worse. This is nothing to do with you, it’s not your silence or behaviour causing it (that’s what he wants you to believe) this is him, he is abusing you.

Please speak to someone in RL too so they can physically check on you/call you etc, good luck with locks and police and stay strong. You did not do anything to warrant his behaviour 💐

Please call the police today. Don't waver and think you've blown it out of proportion. With any luck the police will get the recording off his phone. He sounds unhinged.

I hope you managed to get some sleep.

I’m so sorry to read this happened to you, you must have been terrified. You are definitely doing the right thing by reporting it.

Thanks for all of the posts last night. I managed to get a few hours of sleep.

He’s not awake yet, just need him out of the house now.