Page 11 | Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

Rabbithole90 · 2023-07-24T20:49:54+00:00

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40. I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

BathroomOnTheRight · 25/07/2023 05:09

No decent married man would even entertain having a lapdance. He's a cheating maggot and this would be a dealbreaker for me.

Sausage1989 · 25/07/2023 05:10

Simonlebonbon · 25/07/2023 04:43

When DH was 13 his father took him into a lap dancing/strip place in magaluf.
Absolutely traumatised DH. (Not just the cringe of seeing naked women with your dad, but the acts performed were really sexual, just old leery men getting blow jobs etc, grim stuff for adults to see, let alone a shy kid)

When it was his stag do he really wanted to go to a comic con, a teppenyaki place and home.

The "lads" in the group made it so obvious they wanted strippers and drugs that he cancelled his stag. It was really making him anxious, he doesn't drink, doesn't enjoy pubs etc and really is dead against drugs and sex work.

I felt awful for him, my oldest DC (not bio his but he's raised him) who was I think 15ish at the time took him out for the day, to comic book shops and for sushi and they both came home with new trainers and best of all a giant cheesecake.

My hen was shit, two bridesmaids had a massive row, my mother made every effort to tell everyone she didn't think I was the marrying "type" and my sister shagged a local who turned out to be a thug/wannabe gangster who hounded her for the whole weekend.
No strippers for us thank god, but some random bloke flashed us his cock on the way for a piss.

Sorry to merail, I'm bored and up with the youngest and doesn't look like OP is returning soon.

Maybe he didn't want to upset you?

Northernsouloldies · 25/07/2023 05:12

Simonlebonbon · 25/07/2023 04:43

When DH was 13 his father took him into a lap dancing/strip place in magaluf.
Absolutely traumatised DH. (Not just the cringe of seeing naked women with your dad, but the acts performed were really sexual, just old leery men getting blow jobs etc, grim stuff for adults to see, let alone a shy kid)

When it was his stag do he really wanted to go to a comic con, a teppenyaki place and home.

The "lads" in the group made it so obvious they wanted strippers and drugs that he cancelled his stag. It was really making him anxious, he doesn't drink, doesn't enjoy pubs etc and really is dead against drugs and sex work.

I felt awful for him, my oldest DC (not bio his but he's raised him) who was I think 15ish at the time took him out for the day, to comic book shops and for sushi and they both came home with new trainers and best of all a giant cheesecake.

My hen was shit, two bridesmaids had a massive row, my mother made every effort to tell everyone she didn't think I was the marrying "type" and my sister shagged a local who turned out to be a thug/wannabe gangster who hounded her for the whole weekend.
No strippers for us thank god, but some random bloke flashed us his cock on the way for a piss.

Sorry to merail, I'm bored and up with the youngest and doesn't look like OP is returning soon.

That awful that your Dh dad took him to a place like that and full marks to him not wanting a derailed stag do and doing something more worthwhile with your son.

BathroomOnTheRight · 25/07/2023 05:13

Rabbithole90 · 24/07/2023 22:02

He's asking me why I'm being off. The DC are here, I don't want to air anything with them in earshot

So he is so oblivious to what he did wrong, he doesn't even understand why you're off with him? OP he sounds like a real piece of work with no conscience.

I really could not get past his absolute lack of conscience that he doesn't even understand why you'd (like any woman) be off with him. He really is so bloody clueless and oblivious, and it shows he thinks having lapdances is normal since he is so blase and oblivious about what he did. I could not get past his attitude, even aside from the lapdance. I'd be saying of course I'm off with you, wtf is wrong with you that you even are surprised by that?

And yes, you most definitely were cheated on.

JaneFondue · 25/07/2023 05:17

I'd go and spend a £100 on a lapdance from a really fit bloke. He sounds vile.

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 05:52

Right so anyone who doesn't immediately uproot their life over this is a 'cool girl'?
You would all
Pack your bags
Get your children out of bed
Leave the house
Live in temporary accommodation
Pay rent or mortgage independently
Move your childrens school to live in a cheaper area (DC could have SEN and support plans/ staff who knew them and who they loved and trusted)
And be a single mum (as I am) over this?!
Over a £40 lap dance where some bored 25 year old rubbed a nipple tassel over a drunken man's ear whilst thinking about what she was going to have for tea and whether she should watch Barbie or Oppenheimer at the cinema?
You're all full of shit.

Sausage1989 · 25/07/2023 05:53

JetStreamComeBack · 24/07/2023 22:47

I would consider it cheating as well. But my DH wouldn’t think that he would want a naked woman grinding on him.

Why ya lying for

UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 05:57

A few weeks ago we see a post about a woman sucking a stripper's cock, she's advised to keep quiet and not tell her partner

This is a 3rd thread someone saying there has been a thread like this.
I can’t find it, link it!

Sausage1989 · 25/07/2023 05:59

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 05:52

Right so anyone who doesn't immediately uproot their life over this is a 'cool girl'?
You would all
Pack your bags
Get your children out of bed
Leave the house
Live in temporary accommodation
Pay rent or mortgage independently
Move your childrens school to live in a cheaper area (DC could have SEN and support plans/ staff who knew them and who they loved and trusted)
And be a single mum (as I am) over this?!
Over a £40 lap dance where some bored 25 year old rubbed a nipple tassel over a drunken man's ear whilst thinking about what she was going to have for tea and whether she should watch Barbie or Oppenheimer at the cinema?
You're all full of shit.

Thank you. Someone with an ounce of realism. I thought I was going mad

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 06:01

@Sausage1989 so easy to type 'dealbreaker' or 'LTB' whilst having no real understanding of what that may look like.

JaneFondue · 25/07/2023 06:13

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 05:52

Right so anyone who doesn't immediately uproot their life over this is a 'cool girl'?
You would all
Pack your bags
Get your children out of bed
Leave the house
Live in temporary accommodation
Pay rent or mortgage independently
Move your childrens school to live in a cheaper area (DC could have SEN and support plans/ staff who knew them and who they loved and trusted)
And be a single mum (as I am) over this?!
Over a £40 lap dance where some bored 25 year old rubbed a nipple tassel over a drunken man's ear whilst thinking about what she was going to have for tea and whether she should watch Barbie or Oppenheimer at the cinema?
You're all full of shit.

I wouldn't say this. But I would not be happy about any DH minimising this and behaving as it if is nothing, as the OP's Dh is doing. I would have very strong words, not laugh and overlook it to be a cool girl.

Dj2020 · 25/07/2023 06:20

I'd feel exactly the same. My partner in my early 20s lost his phone and was drunk I was meant to be collecting him from his night out at 4am! Went to collect him and no where to be found.. anyway he dropped his phone and a man found it out on his run. And called me as I'd been trying to call it and I collected it from him. Anyway I had his phone didn't I and never felt the need to look and it was full messages with his mates about going to strip clubs when I thought it was just lads nights out. I was fuming so ended it and ever since that I'm paranoid about things like this I know I couldn't get over it myself it's really disrespectful and seedy. Sending you hugs I know how you are feeling. Only you can decide if its something you can get past x

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 06:21

@JaneFondue but there have been posters saying that they would NEVER get over it. Which, unless there is a backstory, I'd say is a pretty disproportionate response.

JaneFondue · 25/07/2023 06:23

TBH, hasn't happened to me, so not sure what I would do. But I would feel deeply disrespected and grubby. I can't respect men who do this. It is not a small thing for me. I hate lads.

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 06:32

@JaneFondue as someone who left a relationship for a much bigger reason (and for my own safety and sanity), I can assure you that rocking your children to sleep whilst they're crying about missing their dad and don't understand why he can't come home or on holiday, or finding their notes to their teachers saying that they're feeling sad all the time and can't concentrate is not something anyone would choose flippantly. He hasn't cheated in my opinion. He has been honest although a dick. OP has children, I think a sit down conversation and then moving on us properly is the best course of action for the family.

ChopperC110P · 25/07/2023 06:41

Dogsitterwoes · 24/07/2023 22:08

Hang on in there till the kids are asleep.

You'll get some 'cool' posters who will say it's ok, but I agree with you. It's no different than having any woman perform naked for him. If he minimises it, ask how it's different from a female neighbour or friend doing it for him. Yes, for the woman it's different, it's a stripper's job, but for the man it's the same.

How do you know it is the same for the man? Logically a female lover performing a strip tease as foreplay or a come on for free should be VERY different from a paid stripper that you can’t even touch doing a lap dance in a dark and sticky with beer, seedy club.

ChopperC110P · 25/07/2023 06:42

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 06:32

@JaneFondue as someone who left a relationship for a much bigger reason (and for my own safety and sanity), I can assure you that rocking your children to sleep whilst they're crying about missing their dad and don't understand why he can't come home or on holiday, or finding their notes to their teachers saying that they're feeling sad all the time and can't concentrate is not something anyone would choose flippantly. He hasn't cheated in my opinion. He has been honest although a dick. OP has children, I think a sit down conversation and then moving on us properly is the best course of action for the family.

Yes, I don’t think it’s cheating either and wouldn’t deprive my DC of their dad over it.

Buildingthefuture · 25/07/2023 06:47

Well, it’s grim obviously. I’ve known a few strippers/dancers, none of whom were “working class” or trafficked! They did it because the hours worked around dc or uni and the money was good. All of them, every single one say they really don’t think about the men at all other than the occasional “I hope he doesn’t try to touch me” or “sad bastard is old enough to be my dad” they think more about the fact that their shoes are killing, or what’s for tea or next weeks essay or whatever.
What I can honestly never get my head around, is how any man can find this a turn on, when they KNOW this woman has no interest in then, it’s just for money? I just find that so bloody weird! And frankly a bit creepy.
On balance, it probably wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me but I would tell him exactly how much of a sad bastard he was, how utterly irrelevant that dancer thought he was and that if he was planning on doing it again, he could fuck right off.

lucya66 · 25/07/2023 06:48

It’s not a big deal he didn’t know her. It’s just a dance. He was honest.

Custardslices · 25/07/2023 06:50

Give your DH a lap dance yourself? Show him what hes missing....

Hand divorce papers for the finale

Hes grim and bet my bottom dollar this isn't the first time

MrsMarieMopps · 25/07/2023 06:51

@Custardslices FFS this is life not Desperate Housewives.

BCBird · 25/07/2023 06:55

I would not be cool.with it but would certainly not end a relationship due to it. I would berate and make my discontent known. I personally would find someone sucking s stripper's cock.far more intimate. Didn't see this post thst was mentioned

ChaToilLeam · 25/07/2023 07:08

I‘d be sad and furious too. It’s seedy and horrible. Has he really no clue why you are so hurt by this? What a dickhead he is!

Masterofhappydays · 25/07/2023 07:21

Buildingthefuture · 25/07/2023 06:47

Well, it’s grim obviously. I’ve known a few strippers/dancers, none of whom were “working class” or trafficked! They did it because the hours worked around dc or uni and the money was good. All of them, every single one say they really don’t think about the men at all other than the occasional “I hope he doesn’t try to touch me” or “sad bastard is old enough to be my dad” they think more about the fact that their shoes are killing, or what’s for tea or next weeks essay or whatever.
What I can honestly never get my head around, is how any man can find this a turn on, when they KNOW this woman has no interest in then, it’s just for money? I just find that so bloody weird! And frankly a bit creepy.
On balance, it probably wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me but I would tell him exactly how much of a sad bastard he was, how utterly irrelevant that dancer thought he was and that if he was planning on doing it again, he could fuck right off.

I was a dancer while at uni. While what you’re saying is true, the women pity the men who they perform for etc, it doesn’t change the fact that the man has committed to a wife, promising to forsake all others, to then pay family money to have another woman get naked and rub herself over him.

I am so sure her husband wouldn’t be happy if OP trotted off to the local, stripped off and started rubbing her breasts in a man’s face for $40.

It is cheating. If Deborah from accounts knocked on the front door, walked in, got naked and rubbed herself over OPs husband, I’m sure all hell would break loose. Weirdly it’s never viewed as cheating if money is exchanged, which in my opinion is even more revolting.

DrySherry · 25/07/2023 07:23

I bet he regrets it and realises he was stupid to be fleeced for £40 by a pair of young tits. Don't be too hard on him - just make sure he doesn't completely forget his foolish mistake for a while. Then move on and enjoy your life with your slightly imperfect husband - none of them are perfect we just sometimes make the mistake of thinking they might be..