Page 39 | Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

Rabbithole90 · 2023-07-24T20:49:54+00:00

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40. I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

Howdoyouknowwhitney · 11/08/2023 17:43

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JenniferBooth · 11/08/2023 19:13

@Rabbithole90 Ask yourself if you would now be prepared to do intimate care for him if he became seriously ill or disabled.

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:22

I think this is very mild in comparison to using prostitutes or even cam girls, and apparently so did the husband. He clearly didn't think it was a big deal, and couldn't have anticipated the overreaction from his wife.

But given her reaction, maybe it's best for them to part ways, she can hopefully find a more conservative partner and he can find someone who's a little more relaxed with these insignificant (imo) matters.

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 20:29

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:22

I think this is very mild in comparison to using prostitutes or even cam girls, and apparently so did the husband. He clearly didn't think it was a big deal, and couldn't have anticipated the overreaction from his wife.

But given her reaction, maybe it's best for them to part ways, she can hopefully find a more conservative partner and he can find someone who's a little more relaxed with these insignificant (imo) matters.

You think it’s mild because you said earlier you don’t think strippers get completely naked! You have no idea!

I am beginning to think you’re either thick as mince or a man downplaying the issue.

Of course a stripper is not less mild than a cam girl. They do exactly the same thing except the stripper is literally in the man’s lap and not on a screen.

You’re a bloke aren’t you? Because honestly, no woman can be this dense…

Vivaleconfused · 11/08/2023 20:32

pickets has gotta be a man

MumGMT · 11/08/2023 20:35

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:22

I think this is very mild in comparison to using prostitutes or even cam girls, and apparently so did the husband. He clearly didn't think it was a big deal, and couldn't have anticipated the overreaction from his wife.

But given her reaction, maybe it's best for them to part ways, she can hopefully find a more conservative partner and he can find someone who's a little more relaxed with these insignificant (imo) matters.

HOW is it mild to using cam girls?

Explain that please because it makes no sense at all and the only possible reason that I can think of why someone would say that is because they can't use critical thinking and just think that lap dances were always a thing therefore they're ok.

If lap dances were the new thing, the 'follow on' from cam girls, with the show being live on your lap then there would be outrage and disgust, no one (or very very few) would think that they were ok or be happy that their husband went to one.

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:42

@MumGMT

I said going to a strip club is milder than using a cam girl. Presumably, using a cam girl is seedier, as you'd probably be alone giving instructions to someone to perform sexual acts.

Conversely, lap dances are similar to going to a nightclub, you'd typically go with friends and it isn't about the sexual gratification, but rather having a laugh with friends. That's my opinion, you may disagree.

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 20:44

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:42

@MumGMT

I said going to a strip club is milder than using a cam girl. Presumably, using a cam girl is seedier, as you'd probably be alone giving instructions to someone to perform sexual acts.

Conversely, lap dances are similar to going to a nightclub, you'd typically go with friends and it isn't about the sexual gratification, but rather having a laugh with friends. That's my opinion, you may disagree.

Are you male pocketpairs?

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:46

@Masterofhappydays

No, but interesting that a couple of people have that question.

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:51

Men can do far far worse, it was as stag do he probably didn’t overthink it and is probably just a fragment in his memory now , some men abuse and neglect their wives , don’t provide and are selfish as hell and they have to stay because they are dependant that’s hardship , if he is otherwise a good man and cares for your needs sexually and emotionally and this was a stand alone event that’s hurt you, I’d talk to him, if his a good man he will reasssure you, and realise your find things like this unacceptable and will respect your wishes in future.

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 20:51

Very interesting hey pocketpairs.
I am just trying to break down your thinking and reasoning…

Earlier you stated that strippers don’t get totally naked, they just dance scantily clad. That’s untrue btw. Why did you think that?

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:54

Yea let’s just pretend other attractive people don’t exist at all, that screams insecurity and unhealthy jealousy , my ex was like this, so draining

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:56

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:54

Yea let’s just pretend other attractive people don’t exist at all, that screams insecurity and unhealthy jealousy , my ex was like this, so draining

This is a reply to the person who said she considers it cheating if her partner even looks at another man

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 20:58

Pocketpairs. This is the summary of what you said…

if a random or known woman dances and gets naked and sits on your man’s lap and opens her legs etc, that is cheating.
if a dancer dances, gets naked and sits on your man’s lap and opens her legs, that’s not cheating because he paid for it and told his wife.

if a woman gets naked for a dh while rubbing herself all over the man, literally vulva (pussy/vagina, as not sure you’ll know what a vulva is at this rate) on his face where he literally smells and tastes her, she opens her legs up and plays with herself while sitting on his lap - you think that’s ok, just a bit of fun…
yet if a woman is on a screen getting naked and touching herself but not physically touching the man, as she could be anywhere in the world, that’s seedy.

The math ain’t mathing!

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 21:00

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:56

This is a reply to the person who said she considers it cheating if her partner even looks at another man

Show quote history

That person elaborated on that many pages ago and said that they acknowledge their partner will find other people attractive but if they make it obvious by leering at them or staring etc, then that’s cheating to them.

JenniferBooth · 11/08/2023 21:00

@pocketpairs Give up the mental gymnastics. Because you arent anywhere near capable of a bronze medal

Masterofhappydays · 11/08/2023 21:02

JenniferBooth · 11/08/2023 21:00

@pocketpairs Give up the mental gymnastics. Because you arent anywhere near capable of a bronze medal

OMG I love this phrase! Stealing it haha!

JenniferBooth · 11/08/2023 21:03

@Masterofhappydays And i love your summary

MumGMT · 11/08/2023 21:21

pocketpairs · 11/08/2023 20:42

@MumGMT

I said going to a strip club is milder than using a cam girl. Presumably, using a cam girl is seedier, as you'd probably be alone giving instructions to someone to perform sexual acts.

Conversely, lap dances are similar to going to a nightclub, you'd typically go with friends and it isn't about the sexual gratification, but rather having a laugh with friends. That's my opinion, you may disagree.

But they are watching the acts through a screen, there's no touching.
In a strip club getting a lap dance they've literally instructed them to perform a sexual dance on their lap grinding on their penis...at the very least.

I would be fine with that being your opinion if you weren't trying to convince another woman (the OP) who has a problem with it that she is overreacting and making out she'd be destroying her marriage for nothing. That's when your opinion becomes harmful. It's like gaslighting, telling her her feelings and emotions are completely wrong,that a naked woman rubbing himself all over him is insignificant and for her to have a problem with it is a her issue..........if it was any other woman in any other scenario she could be upset but if it's a lapdancer hen she's wrong and overreacting apparently.

JenniferBooth · 11/08/2023 21:56

YY @MumGMT If OPs "D" H had been caught watching cam girls i have no doubt in my mind that @pocketpairs would be telling her that a lap dance is worse.

FuckNuggets · 12/08/2023 02:00

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:51

Men can do far far worse, it was as stag do he probably didn’t overthink it and is probably just a fragment in his memory now , some men abuse and neglect their wives , don’t provide and are selfish as hell and they have to stay because they are dependant that’s hardship , if he is otherwise a good man and cares for your needs sexually and emotionally and this was a stand alone event that’s hurt you, I’d talk to him, if his a good man he will reasssure you, and realise your find things like this unacceptable and will respect your wishes in future.

You have a very low bar on what a woman should expect in a relationship.

MumGMT · 12/08/2023 02:24

Lemonsnlimes · 11/08/2023 20:51

Men can do far far worse, it was as stag do he probably didn’t overthink it and is probably just a fragment in his memory now , some men abuse and neglect their wives , don’t provide and are selfish as hell and they have to stay because they are dependant that’s hardship , if he is otherwise a good man and cares for your needs sexually and emotionally and this was a stand alone event that’s hurt you, I’d talk to him, if his a good man he will reasssure you, and realise your find things like this unacceptable and will respect your wishes in future.

So what if men can do far worse, women shouldn't feel grateful just because they're not abused or beaten.

If you read her posts, she has tried to talk to him, initially he was nice about it but now he's being dismissive of her feelings on it and moody when she brings it up and won't answer any of her questions about how it went down so her thoughts are going to the worst places.

So he doesn't seem like that good of a man, he only reassured her up to a point, but now as she has got further distressed about it he's doing nothing to make her feel better or to care for her sexual and emotional needs.

Masterofhappydays · 12/08/2023 02:57

FuckNuggets · 12/08/2023 02:00

You have a very low bar on what a woman should expect in a relationship.

Show quote history

I saw a post on mumsnet (May have even be this thread) where some women have a bar so low that even flees can’t limbo under it! @Lemonsnlimes post is exactly that! Pffft, as long as OP isn’t being abused or beaten then allllllllll is good, he’s a goodun’! Jeez.

Gothambutnotahamster · 12/08/2023 03:19

I'm so sorry Op - FWIW I'd feel exactly the same as you do & I've no idea how I'd move past it. I hope you find a way forward.

Threemyopicmice · 12/08/2023 07:04

Gothambutnotahamster · 12/08/2023 03:19

I'm so sorry Op - FWIW I'd feel exactly the same as you do & I've no idea how I'd move past it. I hope you find a way forward.

I agree.

I'm sorry OP.