Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

Can’t get over the amount of people saying they would divorce/ leave their relationship over this.

It’s not cheating, it’s jealousy and yea it’s not nice but isn’t this what stag do’s are famous for all around the world?

Anyway OP I hope you’re ok and please don’t ruin your whole life over something that you will feel differently about soon.

Why is it ‘cool girl’ to not consider something that isn’t cheating, cheating?

😂😂😂😂😂

that is ridiculous.and also paranoid. looking is not cheating.i am sorry but if you are broken from a husband giving a lap dancer 40 quid then you are living in a fantasy world about men and women and setting impossible standards

It’s a stag do - you could have talked beforehand. Getting divorced is a disproportionate response but def talk to him about how it unexpectedly has made you feel and that it will take a while to calm down. Then give it some time and move on.

Sorry to hear this has upset you. I expect it would most women - knock our confidence. I am much older than you. Maturity, I wouldn’t get too angsty over it. The focus needs to be on your husbands actions. You are married , have kids - a family together . Hopefully you are all happy. I think that is worth a million times more than one male fantasy being fulfilled. Don’t you think so? All blokes together most likely drinking and he got carried away - while others looked on & enjoyed. Talk to your husband. Let him know how insulted you feel - mark his cards. Best not happen again.Brave it out. You are a beautiful strong woman . Draw a line under it. You are so much more than a one-off turn on. All the best 😊

I don't think you need to dismiss the OP's feelings as "ridiculous" and "paranoid", plus a lap dance is not just "looking".

30 years ago strippers would just be in pubs.

I've had sit there and watch my then stepdad joining the circle, clapping for her to get her knickers off and leering.

It was more 30 years ago - it went on all through the 80s and early 90s.

Thursday night - stripper night! They weren't shy either as to where they sat themselves.

OP it would be like a kick in the gut to me.

It's 'cool girl' to say lap dances at stag culture as the done thing and then dismiss other womens feelings about them.

If some women consider it cheating for their partners to have a naked woman grind in their lap then they can consider it cheating. They are legitimate and valid feelings for them.

It doesn't matter if stag dos are famous for them, it doesn't mean that everyone has to accept and expect that they will happen, and that they have to be ok with it.

There are some cultures where mistresses etc are the norm. Some women will still hit the roof and not tolerate it themselves.

Not everyone is a sheep who goes along with what society tells them is just a harmless tradition.

Being ok with them doesn't make women sheep either necessarily, but trying to tell other women that their feelings are wrong because it's the done thing at stags is!

I've had sit there and watch my then stepdad joining the circle, clapping for her to get her knickers off and leering.

That is grim @WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter. My sympathies.

My ex went on one where they hired a barge and it was supposed to be pub to pub.
Barge broke down day 2 and they were all brought back in a minibus 🤣

I know.

Never mind page 3, Benny Hill etc.

Then just as you're reaching 18/19... Loaded and lads mags.

I'm glad my daughter isn't having to live through those days.

He paid for a woman to get him sexually aroused. Possibly touched her as well? The fact he paid for it shows what he thinks of women.

This was not a genuine thread. If you read the entire thread that will become clear.

I just posted it because people were saying they missed it. I did read the whole thread and I think it was genuine because (like many people on the thread), I've seen and heard about stuff like that in real life. It was interesting reading all the reasons people didn't find it genuine -- but I'm not getting back into that discussion here.

Sorry but I couldn't cope with that. It's just gross, and so disrespectful.

Big respect. It's so refreshing to read that men like this exist

I went back to read OPs posts on that one.

It ended with them dealing with the shame and only owning up to scratching the car... Huh?

I don't know why I'm questioning whether I'm gullible or not as I seem to invest myself in random troll threads that get deleted 🤣

Anyway, I've never had a lapdance from a male or female. I'm single and free to choose.

Chicken Rogan Josh, rice and all the sundries please. That's right, in my face baby...
Preferably in my mouth, but anything goes after a few drinks. Smear it in if necessary.

Omg just stop 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

People would really be fine with a woman doing this with their husband if she wasn’t being paid? There’d be no reason to see this wholly sexual encounter (the entire purpose is sexual) as cheating?

It’s the part where he paid for her consent that makes it ok?

What an interesting view.

I known 3 lap dancers and they're all from middle class families.

Not RTFT. I would find this gross and it would give me the ick. The absolute ick.

Yes. Sex work is work.

Why ya lying for

When DH was 13 his father took him into a lap dancing/strip place in magaluf.
Absolutely traumatised DH. (Not just the cringe of seeing naked women with your dad, but the acts performed were really sexual, just old leery men getting blow jobs etc, grim stuff for adults to see, let alone a shy kid)

When it was his stag do he really wanted to go to a comic con, a teppenyaki place and home.

The "lads" in the group made it so obvious they wanted strippers and drugs that he cancelled his stag. It was really making him anxious, he doesn't drink, doesn't enjoy pubs etc and really is dead against drugs and sex work.

I felt awful for him, my oldest DC (not bio his but he's raised him) who was I think 15ish at the time took him out for the day, to comic book shops and for sushi and they both came home with new trainers and best of all a giant cheesecake.

My hen was shit, two bridesmaids had a massive row, my mother made every effort to tell everyone she didn't think I was the marrying "type" and my sister shagged a local who turned out to be a thug/wannabe gangster who hounded her for the whole weekend.
No strippers for us thank god, but some random bloke flashed us his cock on the way for a piss.

Sorry to merail, I'm bored and up with the youngest and doesn't look like OP is returning soon.

There appears to be no attempt at critical thinking.

It's the one sexual encounter that has been seen as ok for men in relationships to engage in for decades, and therefore it's definitely ok and any woman who has a problem with it is obviously just silly.

Men have done lots of things for decades or longer that people now question and many now expect better from them but God forbid a woman might have a problem with their husband getting a naked woman to give him a lapdance.

If no money exchanges hands though then of course anything like that would be cheating, but as long as he pays for it it's fine.