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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What do you make of this guy

138 replies

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 16:38

I met him on online dating. He’s been divorced for a couple of years now. He has been on hundreds and hundreds of dates.

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.

He admitted to going on multiple dates on the weekend eg 3-4 dates in a day. Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Insisted he wanted something serious with me. After 6 months, he dropped me overnight. Said we didn’t have a ‘connection’ anymore despite saying before consistently that he wanted a future with me. He said he now clams up at the reality of commitment where as before his divorce he was the committed type. He wasted no time getting back on the apps and dating multiple women.

I realise there were red flags and I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. But he seemed so sincere and said all the right things.

It’s odd how someone would change overnight. I’m left feeling a bit stunned and trying to make sense of his behaviour?

I am moving on. Just processing things in my head.

OP posts:

DimeStoreHooker · 21/07/2023 16:52

Complete fuckwit

GetYourHandsOffMyCake · 21/07/2023 16:52

He's the male equivalent of a slag. Be thankful you've had a lucky escape.

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/07/2023 16:56

Next time you see red flags, act on it rather than carrying on regardless.

DimeStoreHooker · 21/07/2023 17:00

He hasn't broken your heart, just confused you a bit and possibly offended your dignity.

As above, lucky escape.

hev126 · 21/07/2023 17:00

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.

This would've been the end for me. Nothing wrong about having a lot of connections. Red flag is him showing off about them to big himself up and attempt to make you jealous. No need to show you his profile. I'm even cringing at the idea

Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Don't mean to sound harsh but they were probably all fed the same BS as you were. You're well rid

Aliceinunderland · 21/07/2023 17:01

Sounds like he likes the 'chase' element of dating but not wanting anything serious. Whatever the issue, you deserve much better and are well off out of it.

Celynfour · 21/07/2023 17:02

‘The male equivalent of a slag ‘
what a depressing response
OP I hope you manage to work through the red flags to avoid for next time and are ok

NotNowGertrude · 21/07/2023 17:07

I think there are a lot of men like this on the dating apps, been in a long term relationship that didn't work, then act like a kid in a sweet shop on the apps, loving the attention & choice. They have zero intention of committing & just play woman after woman

Farmageddon · 21/07/2023 17:08

I'm sorry OP but this man showed you quite clearly who is he is from the start, you just didn't seem to take it in.

This should have had you running for the hills -

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.
He admitted to going on multiple dates on the weekend eg 3-4 dates in a day. Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Why did you think it would be any different with you? Don't listen to what he says (words are easy) but look at what he does - dating multiple women, constantly looking for something else...he's a disaster.

And I disagree that he changed overnight, he actually stayed very consistent with his previous behaviour. I mean, fine for if you want a quick shag, but not for a relationship.

DatingDinosaur · 21/07/2023 17:24

Sounds like a typical bloke (not sorry for the stereotyping) who's got a whiff of post-divorce freedom and is playing the field, proving to himself he's "still got it", telling women what they want to hear to get what he wants then moving on without a backward glance when he gets bored.

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:40

DatingDinosaur sound like it…then what…do they remain this way forever?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:43

He used to tell me how much he hated dating 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:45

I’m late 30s. He even strung me along with how much he wanted kids. Only when he dumped me, he said he didn’t.

What a fine specimen.

OP posts:

MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 17:46

He hated dating which is why he wasn’t on any dating apps and didn’t chat and meet up with multiple women.

Luckydip1 · 21/07/2023 17:48

Sounds like he's spoilt for choice...

SamW98 · 21/07/2023 17:48

Loves the thrill of the chase and the ego boost but doesn’t actually want a committed relationship is my opinion.

Justcallmebebes · 21/07/2023 17:49

GetYourHandsOffMyCake · 21/07/2023 16:52

He's the male equivalent of a slag. Be thankful you've had a lucky escape.

"male equivalent of a slag"

Really? I thought we'd left misogynistic terminology like this behind.

Have you just beamed in from the 1970's?

DatingDinosaur · 21/07/2023 18:01

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:40

DatingDinosaur sound like it…then what…do they remain this way forever?

Not all of them. But never assume you'll be the one to tame them. They have to realise for themselves that being a lothario isn't all it's cracked up to be.

By then, you'll be with someone who's actually on the same page as you.

It's just life. Nobody's immune to the games people play.

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:05

Thanks DatingDinosaur. I feel like such a fool. At my age I’ve been fooled. I’ve always steered clear of ‘players.’ But he said all the right things like how he was done with dating, that I was a gift to him, etc It all seemed so sincere 🤷‍♀️ I’m very hurt. We had a holiday booked and we broke up before then. It just stings. I’m annoyed I’m upset but I guess I’m human and fragile. Meanwhile he’s back on the apps and dating!

OP posts:

notacooldad · 21/07/2023 18:10

But he said all the right things like how he was done with dating, that I was a gift to him, etc
That sentence alone would have made me run ( it has in the past) It is cornier than a field full of maize!

littlebopeepp234 · 21/07/2023 18:11

If he had 3 girlfriends in the space of 1.5 years and has dumped you after 6 months it seems he gives himself a time limit of 6 months before moving onto the next. He’s a player and like a pp said, the female equivalent of a slag!

You need to raise your standards op. Personally I wouldn’t date anyone who couldn’t stay in a relationship for more than 2 minutes, especially someone who had 3 girlfriends in 1.5 years. He has treated you no different to any of the others. Women are a game to him that’s all.

ginasevern · 21/07/2023 18:19

I don't understand when you say "he changed overnight". He showed you what he was like from the start and with that information I would have run for the hills. Sorry if I've missed something or misinterpreted your post though.

DatingDinosaur · 21/07/2023 18:20

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:05

Ahh but - you'll be wiser to the smooth talk that comes out of people's mouths in the future. Perhaps you were ready to hear that stuff so your guard was down. We all like to hear compliments and feel a bond when we have "me too" moments. You'll figure out the ones who are being sincere and this guy has just helped you along that path.

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:21

littlebopeepp234 I was the longest - 6 months. And he was planning to move in with me after our holiday!
the other poor women were just 2/3 months.

what a sucker I was.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:22

Thanks DatingDinosaur he seemed very genuine. That’s all I can say. I’ve always avoided players until now. I guess no one is immune.

OP posts:

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