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Original poster

What do you make of this guy

138 replies

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 16:38

I met him on online dating. He’s been divorced for a couple of years now. He has been on hundreds and hundreds of dates.

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.

He admitted to going on multiple dates on the weekend eg 3-4 dates in a day. Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Insisted he wanted something serious with me. After 6 months, he dropped me overnight. Said we didn’t have a ‘connection’ anymore despite saying before consistently that he wanted a future with me. He said he now clams up at the reality of commitment where as before his divorce he was the committed type. He wasted no time getting back on the apps and dating multiple women.

I realise there were red flags and I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. But he seemed so sincere and said all the right things.

It’s odd how someone would change overnight. I’m left feeling a bit stunned and trying to make sense of his behaviour?

I am moving on. Just processing things in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:23

ginasevern I meant he went from being ‘besotted’ with me (my friend and family met him) to dumping me overnight. Total change.

OP posts:
Sunsetandsunrise · 21/07/2023 18:23

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:43

He used to tell me how much he hated dating 🤷‍♀️

As pp said actions over words. He can’t have been on so many dates and not found one decent women to settle with if he was really serious, therefore he clearly enjoys dating.

MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 18:24

Do not any chancer move in with you after 6 months! no one falls in love faster than a cocklodger.

MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 18:24

*let

windowof · 21/07/2023 18:24

Sounds like he's grown up with a really messed up view of relationships and attachment and has no idea how to make a relationship last as an adult.
He needs to do a lot of work on himself really. Sounds like you were lucky in a sense in that you found out now and didn't become the next divorce for him.

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:24

I know *Sunsetandsunrise he said he hated dating but he clearly enjoys it to do it so well

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:25

MissHarrietBede true - he’s skint.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:26

Yes absolutely thanks windowof Ive had a lucky escape for sure

he had a traumatic childhood with an abusive man - or so he said

I don’t know what to believe, it seems everything that came out of his mouth was a lie

if true may explain why he is the way he is with women

he’s 40 and this is his second divorce

OP posts:
MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 18:26

Skint but can date multiple women. Unless you all payed for everything.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/07/2023 18:26

3 'girlfriends' in 18 months. Then you for six.

You were just another 'girlfriend' being strung along until he found the next one.

SamW98 · 21/07/2023 18:27

I always see it as a.red flag when someone’s had several relationships in a short period of time.

For me it gives the impression they can’t be on their own and just jump from one relationship to the next barely pausing for breath inbetween

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:27

NeverDropYourMooncup yes it seems so

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:29

Think cheap coffee dates MissHarrietBede
he spun me some line about retraining in his career so didn’t have much money
no wonder he was keen to move in

He had many one night stands
and said he was rebounding and hurting after his divorce

I know this all sounds bad but when I met him, I liked him, and we clicked and it seemed genuine and effortless

he wasn’t the stereotypical ’player’ and yes my guard was clearly down

OP posts:
Jongleterre · 21/07/2023 18:30

Multiple dates?

Sounds like he wasn't fussy.

DatingDinosaur · 21/07/2023 18:37

A general rule of thumb I work by is that, any guy who seems besotted with me early on, promises the earth, showers me with compliments and gifts is not genuine.

Any guy who has genuine proper butterfly in tummy feelings about someone is going to be hesitant to make grand gestures and huge displays of love and affection and promises and commitment because if it all goes tits-up THEIR feelings get hurt. So they proceed with more caution. A lot more caution.

Yes, it's harder to see through that when you get to liking them yourself but, honestly, you'll spot it quicker in the future.

Whattotrynow · 21/07/2023 18:38

This is on him OP- not you.

Theres a lot of good advice on this thread, but am rather disheartened by the same old victim blaming ( for want of a better word) that goes on.

There isn’t really anything you could’ve done differently- yes, maybe there were red flags, but when they’re amongst a lot of good stuff, they aren’t so easy to spot.

everything is obvious in hindsight.

sadly, by your thirties everyone has baggage, and let’s face it, sounds like this guy wasn’t great husband material in the first place. At least you’ll be wiser to this stuff now.

you just need to throw the dice again. My theory with internet dating is that surely statistically you have to meet a decent human at least once!

MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 18:41

Watch out for him trying to come crawling back if he hits a dry spell.

I made a mistake, you’re the one for me blah blah........

DimeStoreHooker · 21/07/2023 18:47

Do you own your place? It's a bit alarming he wanted to move in so fast.

What happened with the holiday, did you get a refund?

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:58

Whattotrynow thank you 💕

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 19:00

What I don’t understand is why he led me on for so long

He’s a nice looking guy and got plenty of attention and women

Why bother with me? He knew I wanted serious in time. He even booked the holiday!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 19:00

MissHarrietBede nah he has too many options from the dating apps to bother with me again

OP posts:
Maiden2021 · 21/07/2023 19:01

MissHarrietBede · 21/07/2023 18:41

Watch out for him trying to come crawling back if he hits a dry spell.

I made a mistake, you’re the one for me blah blah........

THIS

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 19:02

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:45

I’m late 30s. He even strung me along with how much he wanted kids. Only when he dumped me, he said he didn’t.

What a fine specimen.

Awful!! I'm so sorry you've had your time wasted by him. Don't beat yourself up there is nothing you could have done it takes time for these guys to show their true colours

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 19:03

DimeStoreHooker yes I own and I lost my half of the holiday.

Unexpectedlysinglemum thank you. I’m hurting and feel embarrassed. And I wish I could be over it but I feel awful still. How silly of me 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
DimeStoreHooker · 21/07/2023 19:10

God what a brat - any chance of getting your half of the holiday back? I think I would hit the roof if he took someone else.

It sounds like you have been trusting and he's taken advantage of this, I'm sorry

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