What do you make of this guy

[Hurtingnowq]

I met him on online dating. He’s been divorced for a couple of years now. He has been on hundreds and hundreds of dates.

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.

He admitted to going on multiple dates on the weekend eg 3-4 dates in a day. Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Insisted he wanted something serious with me. After 6 months, he dropped me overnight. Said we didn’t have a ‘connection’ anymore despite saying before consistently that he wanted a future with me. He said he now clams up at the reality of commitment where as before his divorce he was the committed type. He wasted no time getting back on the apps and dating multiple women.

I realise there were red flags and I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. But he seemed so sincere and said all the right things.

It’s odd how someone would change overnight. I’m left feeling a bit stunned and trying to make sense of his behaviour?

I am moving on. Just processing things in my head.

So I went on a dating app this morning. He came up straight away. His new voice recording on his profile said how he loves to travel and he hopes to meet someone similar.

the irony. Of making me book a holiday and running off.

it’s very very upsetting

I think the hard thing when you meet someone and it feels right, seems to be working, etc is that you believe you have shared values, goals and so on. When you find out they're a liar it makes you question and doubt yourself. And you feel an idiot for believing them. It doesn't make you a bad person at all; it's all on them.

Please go on your holiday by yourself! And use a photo of you enjoying yourself there on your new profile picture! Fuck him! You'll be miserable over the holiday dates whether you're there or not so use it as closure. Go on holiday, be as miserable about it as you like in a holiday location, then come back and start again.

Your memory in a year or so will be that wanker who almost made me miss the best holiday I've ever had!

It's done now and it doesn't stop the hurt, but the experience will make you more picky, not to say you weren't, he was obviously very charming if he managed to get that many dates!
Any guy that is open to admit the huge volume of dates he's getting, would be such a turn off, as would a social media full of women he's met online. Holidays and getting serious within a few months, also a red flag, I'd say the first year is getting to know them before they are worthy of serious talk and holidays, not many would make it that far.

💯 agree. Go away on the holiday, chat to people you may not have if you were with a bloke, drunk happy hour cocktails, lie round the pool headphones in - it may seem hard OP but I honestly think it’s the best thing to do.

You will be so proud of yourself for going anyway. Download/buy lots of books, sit by the pool, drink those cocktails and don't let him make you miss out. Or see if a friend will go and all they'll have to do is pay for the name change on the booking and flights.

If no friends can make it, still go and have the best time. I'm sure if you made a new post up explaining you're going to X location by yourself and why loads of MNers will be able to give you travelling alone tips and not to be missed places to visit whilst your there.

Sending a lot of virtual hugs! Something similar has just happened to me although I spotted some red flags and ended things after a few months (even though we were planning a holiday we hand booked it yet). Narcissists can be very charming and deceive even the most experienced daters. If you are attractive and successful dating apps are the worse since you will attract narcissists all the time. Please do not beat yourself down about it, you need to take some time to heal and put it behind you.
Sadly I work in the financial industry and most of the men I encounter thought work are just as narcissistic as those on dating apps. I don’t think I will agree to go on another date with a handsome lawyer or banker ever again!

I’m the same Op, very cautious and rarely match with people and I’m quite quick to unmatch if I sense something is off but I still worry that I could get taken in by this kind of man because they often wear a really convincing mask. I’m the same IRL too, have only did OLD quite recently -rarely give out phone numbers.

Sorry OP, he sounds shit. I’m sorry you’re hurting but this is absolutely no reflection on you.

Is it possible to change the name on his flights so that a friend can take his place? I would find it quite satisfying to enjoy a holiday at his expense.

Thanks for all the encouragement. I don’t want to do the holiday sadly. I know me and I won’t enjoy it. I’ll book something for later in the year.

Yesterday I blew up and sent him some angry msgs. It’s not like me to do that but when I saw his dating profile he said he was looking for someone to travel with. I asked him how he could say that when he left me in the lurch. I said a few nasty things. And I don’t feel bad one bit. Usually I take the moral high ground but I feel relieved. Maybe it was bubbling up in me and I had to release it. Tell him what a shit he was.

I can’t believe how people mess you around. He promised me a baby - I’m a woman in her late 30s. He knew I wanted one. I never asked him as it was too early but he knew it was in my plans. It’s so sick.

and there he is out there in the world promising who knows what and trying to get more holidays booked.

Yes.
12 to 98.

Agree

He only wants the honeymoon period and can't really get emotionally serious or cope with sticking through tough times. He's lazy. And hell be looking for someone else to distract him from his feelings now.