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Original poster

What do you make of this guy

138 replies

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 16:38

I met him on online dating. He’s been divorced for a couple of years now. He has been on hundreds and hundreds of dates.

He showed me his dating app before he deleted it - he had hundreds of connections. Which is quite unusual for a man I thought.

He admitted to going on multiple dates on the weekend eg 3-4 dates in a day. Had 3 ‘girlfriends’ in the space of 1.5 years, didn’t last more than a few months.

Insisted he wanted something serious with me. After 6 months, he dropped me overnight. Said we didn’t have a ‘connection’ anymore despite saying before consistently that he wanted a future with me. He said he now clams up at the reality of commitment where as before his divorce he was the committed type. He wasted no time getting back on the apps and dating multiple women.

I realise there were red flags and I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. But he seemed so sincere and said all the right things.

It’s odd how someone would change overnight. I’m left feeling a bit stunned and trying to make sense of his behaviour?

I am moving on. Just processing things in my head.

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 21/07/2023 19:11

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:26

Yes absolutely thanks windowof Ive had a lucky escape for sure

he had a traumatic childhood with an abusive man - or so he said

I don’t know what to believe, it seems everything that came out of his mouth was a lie

if true may explain why he is the way he is with women

he’s 40 and this is his second divorce

Makes me wonder why he’s actually divorced. Probably cheated with the many women he’s been with!

ladygindiva · 21/07/2023 19:12

He's so riddled with issues you'd be his therapist. Get a companion not a client. Bin.

Farmageddon · 21/07/2023 20:04

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 19:00

What I don’t understand is why he led me on for so long

He’s a nice looking guy and got plenty of attention and women

Why bother with me? He knew I wanted serious in time. He even booked the holiday!

To be fair, he's probably lined up his next victim at this point which is why he dropped you.

I'm sorry OP, it is shit and I suppose it's hard to understand how manipulative these guys are until you have dealt with one. Most of us assume good intentions in people, and he played on the fact that you're a trusting person. What a shithead.

I know it's difficult right now, but you truly have dodged a bullet.

Username620 · 21/07/2023 20:07

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 18:23

ginasevern I meant he went from being ‘besotted’ with me (my friend and family met him) to dumping me overnight. Total change.

I’ve just had this after almost 2 years together. I feel as if I’ve been played. He didn’t even have the decency to talk to me face to face. He ended it over WhatsApp. Still hurting but trying to find myself

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/07/2023 22:45

GetYourHandsOffMyCake · 21/07/2023 16:52

He's the male equivalent of a slag. Be thankful you've had a lucky escape.

Horrendous, offensive term.
Are people still using this? 😕

DimeStoreHooker · 21/07/2023 22:47

@Hurtingnowq did you meet his friends and family?

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:16

DimeStoreHooker he has no family but I met one of his friends and some of his colleagues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:17

He was always saying how lovely I was. How smart I was. How good I was for him, he finally met someone sorted in life, how kind I was etc. bizarre 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
sundayadvice · 22/07/2023 07:19

OP please don't think his behavior is anything to do with you. This is typical behavior of a man who has been in a long term relationship, is on a dating app and doesn't know what he wants.

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:23

sundayadvice thank you. It just hurts very badly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:27

He has a social media account, which has some friends on it. He uses it mostly for adding women he meets on dating apps. I’m not connected with him on there anymore, but I have taken a look at the sudden increase in the number of people he’s following and being followed by. It’s a sharp increase of like 10-15 new people. I am without a doubt these are women. And I can’t believe how he does it. I’m an attractive woman and been I couldn’t get to those numbers. I think he must be constantly on the apps, it’s all he must do.

it hurts how quickly he’s moved on and cast me aside. I know it wasn’t a long relationship but I felt a lot for him and we were making so many plans.

I feel like such an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:30

When we broke up, he was claiming to be stressed, didn’t know what he wanted, since his divorce he finds commitment difficult
he begged me to give him space and time
then I found him on a dating app
he cried, begged some more
and he said he didn’t feel much for me!
all with a few weeks to go for our holiday

a few weeks later, he messaged me he wished me well said I was so lovely to him

🤷‍♀️

I can’t face going on the dating apps. You need a thick skin and I feel far too low and vulnerable.

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 22/07/2023 07:34

He sounds like a prick.

WunWun · 22/07/2023 07:35

I was a walking red flag. All that stuff about connections, loads of dates, girlfriends no more than a couple of months... This is the only outcome I would have expected. Someone involved in any of that is 100% a player and never going to settle down. He didn't change overnight, this is precisely his game. Nothing shocking about it.

WunWun · 22/07/2023 07:37

I don't think he's even unusual on dating apps. The vast majority of guys on dating apps are this or a watered down version of this.

I know sometimes, once in a blue moon, you will hear a positive online dating story, but mostly it's similar to this. Online dating encourages this. Endless swiping, looking for a better deal

WunWun · 22/07/2023 07:38

*He was a walking red flag 😂

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:39

My friends and family met him
all commented on how crazy and ‘besotted’ he seemed
for a while he seemed to be the real deal
he would do so much for me

why bother and lie to someone like this when he could have easily had other women not looking for something serious? He did say there were lots of women be met who wanted casual things.

that’s what I don’t get.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:40

Maybe he did really like me and wanted it to work but he just couldn’t - the lure of other women and endless sex was too appealing.

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 07:42

Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:27

He has a social media account, which has some friends on it. He uses it mostly for adding women he meets on dating apps. I’m not connected with him on there anymore, but I have taken a look at the sudden increase in the number of people he’s following and being followed by. It’s a sharp increase of like 10-15 new people. I am without a doubt these are women. And I can’t believe how he does it. I’m an attractive woman and been I couldn’t get to those numbers. I think he must be constantly on the apps, it’s all he must do.

it hurts how quickly he’s moved on and cast me aside. I know it wasn’t a long relationship but I felt a lot for him and we were making so many plans.

I feel like such an idiot.

Honestly op what do you see in this guy? He had all these women on social media while you were together. You cannot for one minute think he was being faithful. He has more than just issues, he sounds like a narcissist! All he has done is told you the words you want to hear… that’s it! One thing I have learned is not to listen to words but look at actions and see if they match the words they are telling you, if not then their words are not genuine.

liveforsummer · 22/07/2023 07:42

You'll be more on the ball spotting the red flags next time. This love bombing is common and sometimes does last a bit longer than others but the signs were all there to see. At least he gave you an explanation instead of fully ghosting though as that's more usual

BCBird · 22/07/2023 07:43

If someone chooses to flit that is fine as long as they are honest. The mistake he has made is lying. You were duped. The thing is we all make mistakes,but you want make the same mistake again. Will be launching myself back onto OLD in the future not relishing it. Take care OP.

liveforsummer · 22/07/2023 07:44

Hurtingnowq · 21/07/2023 17:40

DatingDinosaur sound like it…then what…do they remain this way forever?

Nah he'll get fed up of it eventually and decide to stay with the first convenient one to come along. Luckily it wasn't you

WunWun · 22/07/2023 07:45

Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:39

My friends and family met him
all commented on how crazy and ‘besotted’ he seemed
for a while he seemed to be the real deal
he would do so much for me

why bother and lie to someone like this when he could have easily had other women not looking for something serious? He did say there were lots of women be met who wanted casual things.

that’s what I don’t get.

Google love bombing and online dating. It's textbook stuff unfortunately

Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:48

For all those saying love bombing etc
Ive been dating for years
I know the signs and tricks
And obv I’m writing here with hindsight
but it didn’t look or feel like that with him
as I said I can usually spot players
so can my friends!
he had me and them duped until the end

That’s what I’m so bummed about

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtingnowq · 22/07/2023 07:49

littlebopeepp234 well I don’t see much him in anymore! It still hurts.
and no when I was on his social, there were only two ex girlfriends on there but I know his practices

OP posts:
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