Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

NoDatingForOldMen
😂

I know how difficult it is to talk to someone you've just met. So I tried my best to be interested. But he just went on and on. And barely asked me anything.

But it was slightly more interesting than the date who recited the train times to London.

That’s an interesting question

Do I still fancy her - in one way yes, but not really enough to balance out some of the behaviours that seemed a bit meh 🫤 at the time, now I have had time to reflect, the good did not balance out the not so good.

does that sound awful?

Nelly…I think this is dating fatigue…I also suffered after a few failed dates. All I can think is that you are not in a hurry and can take a break if you need. Never go out with someone who is not over his ex..,I was one of those and dated but was never over my Mr Ex. I think you are doing right by getting new dates sorted and don’t lose your self confidence…you are fine, date who feels right for the reason you feel is right for you.

I have talked at length with Mr Ex as we are together every day until Friday since last Tuesday. He has agreed to work on his issue and is open to meds in transition with a clear discussion with therapist. We are still having a lovely time and great sex but like in a cocoon which is not ideal. But I understand a lot more and one of his big problems is slowly getting sorted satisfactorily. I’m seeing Mr Exex for nice lunch and back home to my Mr Ex. He knows I’m seeing him and has 0 issue so that puts this matter to rest. And yes…I’m going to enjoy seeing an old friend and eating top nosh

No it does not sound awful. It shows you are measured good man and are serious about how you want your life and your partner to feel right for you.
Fancying someone is not enough to build a partnership…it’s important but there are many other considerations and that’s what needs to click

PinkIdentity
I seem to be able manage a couple of dates and then I've had enough of it all.

I've cancelled one of my dates because I don't think he's right for me. But I think I'll make the effort to meet the other one. It's not til the end of the week so I might feel better about it by then.

i bet he made time fly…

on a serious note, I used to work in London a lot and pretty much had the trains to / from Euston committed to memory ( fast & slow) for a while, so I could have given him a run for his money, but saying that, it’s not the kind of thing you would regale a potential date with, maybe stick to Films & the telly 🤷🏼

NoDatingForOldMen

not bad at all
you have made your decision

NellyTheCake
you have dating fatigue , take a break
I can only manage a new man once a fortnight 😂
I did have one who spoke at length on his hobbies , and also NO questions
I managed 30 mins 😬

PinkIdentity

thats major good progress with Mr Ex
and he’s open to meds , wow

really good progress - pleased for you but also for him
there is so much good in his life and I hope he can see that x

Indeed. We needed this week alone together so we could really talk a lot. All cards on table from both sides. I feel more hopeful. Thank you Worsy

I'm back on POF.

BUT I've stated all my details up front - nose piercing, two tattoos and a love of DMs.

Also stated that I'm a tall, curvy, size 16/18 woman. And all new photos, all recent, too.

I am not going down that - too big, too fat, too much - any more.

Already had a message from someone I liked last time round but didn't hear back from. And rejected messages from those who don't float my boat.

I'm being very ruthless this time round.

Excellent start. Please do not worry about sizes and heights. If someone has matched you…they know your height and size. So you are there on a date to enjoy the time and see whether there is chemistry. You are not there to be examined and pass an exam. This is a 2 way convo for everyone. Best wishes Deffy

NoDatingForOldMen
I'm sure you would've made the train timetable sound interesting!

Definitelycross
I hope it goes well for you on POF this time. Your style sounds amazing.
I'm a big fan of DM's as well.

Thank you. I love to wear them with skirts and dresses but I know lots of men, where I live, don't like that look. So I think spelling it out makes it easier. And my tattoos aren't obvious and not visible most of the year but, again, it's to put off those more traditional guys.

@Mila14 wouldn't you think so?? But honest to god the number of guys who are taken aback by my height especially is ridiculous.

I'm not playing that game any more.

Definitelycross
I have a couple of small tattoos and I've had men turn me down for dates because of them.
I'm sure they wouldn't have noticed them if they'd met me.

The double standards are staggering

That's so weird. I always used to get compliments on being 5'10 and long legs. And I get lots of men who say I am 5'9 but I don't mind being taller. I've dated someone who was 5'9 and I wore flats for that first meeting. He was gorgeous, confident but ruined it by slagging off his ex wife within the first 10 minutes so that was that!

Anyways good luck with this new confident phase- I find being slightly ruthless (so if someone isn't showing enough interest), to move on quickly works. Confidence is very attractive and I hope you meet someone lovely very very soon!

Personally…I used to wish I was taller but I am happy with my pocket size now. Many profiles used to say “ looking for women over 5’7” only” so there is definitely guys who prefer much taller women. I really think there’s all sorts of likes and dislikes regarding height and they are all absolutely fine. I would not pick guys who go with the over 5’7” and I am absolutely fine with that.
Self confidence is everything really. Also…many men like curvy women and dislike slim women.
Same with tattoos and piercings…personal taste too. Let’s just enjoy we are all different really
My point is that there’s a guy that is going to fancy you crazy as you are and there’s a guy you are also going to fancy crazy out there. It’s all about timing and a bit of luck…not about your size

On Match you can specify what you are looking for in terms of age etc.

I've seen so many profiles of men in their 50s who are looking for women age 35-45, height up to 5ft 5, size 12 or under, long, blonde hair.

I roll my eyes and move on, wondering if they ever find their perfect woman

Exactly.

Honestly it astounded me on there.

I'm tall but I wouldn't say I've long legs. My figure is more Nigella than anything, well how she was.

I don't know if I imagine it or if they look disappointed when they see me? I've been told by lots of people that I'm funny and attractive in real life - that's NOT to boast. These are women who aren't looking to shag me and have no reason to be complimentary if you see what I mean? The other thing I find myself doing is putting the guy at ease straight away.

Am I reading nerves as disappointment?
Am I choosing the wrong blokes?
Will there ever be a Deffy sidekick?
Who knows but I know I'm definitely NOT settling

@Definitelycross

The other thing I find myself doing is putting the guy at ease straight away.

Why do you feel you have to do this?

I really don't know.

I have a background in HR and also school pastoral role.

I hate if people feel uncomfortable. But I've been reflecting that being fussy beforehand isn't worth anything if you then take full responsibility for the vibe on a date.

I've been thinking and I think I've done it on all of my first dates.
That's not good is it? 😳

I may of course be wrong but it sounds like you're putting in lots of effort and trying to oversell yourself/ control the vibe of the date as though you're compensating for something.

I personally also look the man to 'lead' in effort and interest, which I match- but again that's just me.

I think relax a bit , and see how things go

I think you're absolutely right. Definitely

I suffer from a real lack of confidence but everyone who meets me can't believe it.

I'm constantly thinking that I'm not 'right'

So yes I agree

@definitely I think we're quite alike and I seem to concern myself more with whether an iron will like me over whether I will like them!

In a turn of events it seems that Fridays iron has mutual friends as he started work at one of my previous work places just after I left 😄