Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

Weird OLD experience

Man with no real details messages hi

I reply no info?

His response
Oh god I forgot to block u, ur a real pain (sic)

What an absolute and utter c&£:

Who do these people think they are? I know it's not to be taken personally but honestly sometimes I just think - am I just a game??

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm sorry he's come back and messed with your head.

In my experience no ghosters have returned.

I'm glad, as we all know, with time and distance, we can see them for more of what they really are.

I still can't quite get over Mr 13 and saying how chuffed he was to be able to get off the site now he'd met me 🤷‍♀️

Right, I'm not saying this arrogantly, but it has been suggested to me that if I agree to see them again it gives them an ego boost that makes them think they can get better, so they go off and try.

To me, that would make sense if they then came back. But they don't.

I'm a bit confused and down about all of it really.

@Definitelycross what happened with Mr13 I must have missed that

Definitelycross

morning ( early morning !)
in a way I’m pleased he’s come back as it’s shows that I exist as a human being of some significance (which on some level I knew - but when people disappear you doubt yourself )

but to be fair we were a long relationship , I’ve mutually ghosted some others who haven't returned either !

ill gently say this again - if it’s making you feel down and confused - pause - pause profiles and have a break

youve gone through them at quite a pace this year and I’m not suprised ! I can’t manage that many - I’m pausing after only 4 dates this year

My ex before I met my husband (unfortunate rebound when I was in a very dark place) love bombed , future faked and then ghosted me after a silly argument .
I'd fallen hard for him and was head over heels in love
What's worse is we worked in the same building and he ended up marrying someone else we worked with.
I had to see them parade around together whilst I slowly died inside and probably would have died if I hadn't met exh if I'm honest
That was 10 years ago now . Still hurts

I should add the ghosting came after 15 months together

Just goes to show it's not just OLD strangers you need to be wary of

He had us all fooled. Told everyone his ex wife had cheated but turned out he'd abandoned her. Ghosted her actually .

@Thisisworsethananticpated I totally understand it's a completely different situation. And someone you had strong feelings coming back into your life is very difficult 🤗

My OLD journey has only consisted of coffee dates and one evening drinks date. Nothing long term at all. But a lot, have 'future bombed' - @qqq82 that's exactly it.

My OLD fuckery has been quite the spectacle, which is why I didn't say anything about #13.

And my STBXH has totally ghosted me after 33 years together. I haven't seen nor spoken, apart from messages, to him since September 2019. How he could just flick that switch and go is beyond my understanding. But I don't know how you coped seeing him. I moved very far away so I couldn't bump into him. 🤗

@Thisisworsethananticpated I am down but not just from this.

I should have done what I said earlier and left here well alone for a while.

And he'd been banging on about marrying me only a week before this

qqq82

there is a big difference (I think ) between ghosting muppets online and people Like our exes who are so deeeply deeply avoidant that they would rather hurt someone and hide and be cowards - than have a honest difficult conversation

i know my recent ex is like this, about many things (and more important things )

Totally get why it upset you - but remember that unless he does some deep work on himself he’ll continue doing this

It’s interesting you went for another avoidant type again ?

See you on the other side 👋 (aka the next thread - nothing horrendous).

Oh my exh wasn't avoidant . Quite the opposite

Definitelycross

my Ex DP also ! His way of communicating is that my WhatsApp messages turn to ‘read’!

which doesn’t allow for shared parenting really

we all have very similar challenges here

I’ll be honest that what’s helping me majorly is my therapy , this thread , podcasts and realising that it’s NOT personal
its not me - but I do have to manage how I react

it’s a lake of sad lonely horny men out there
basically 😁- at least the ones I meet

qqq82

sorry I meant MrNoEffort

as the avoidant one ?

Nah I don't think he was either

It was me who ghosted him 😂

Think he was just an overgrown man child who expected a woman to just slot into his life when it suited him .

qqq82

ha - yes my ex did that too
and ghosted me when he was depressed
which was 40% of the time

😁😁😁

I felt with MrNoEffort like I was just another of his many hobbies. I told him that too .

@qqq82 what a terrible story about the ex at work, I don't know how you did it. I'd have upped and left immediately.

@Definitelycross keep your spirits up, you really are a strong soul but if its hurting, take a break

@Thisisworsethananticpated good on you for having boundaries there. I think when you see things like 'they might only be back for sex', you can't unsee it, so I hope you can now move on to better people you deserve

@Thisisworsethananticpated sorry to hear he came back and has stirred everything up again. You're doing amazing at staying strong though

I understand Worsy…you had a really tough time last year…I remember. You are building yourself up and controlling the bad vibes and don’t want to go back to anxiety central. I also get it he’s not communicative and therefore it’s really not what you need. I think it’s great you are taking a pause and get a bit of self love and peace. I have great admiration for the way you are carrying yourself

An imbecile…don’t let this crap get into your head….you don’t know these guys. They might be just passing the day while their wives are busy or whatever. Or they might be really ugly undateable people…they are prone to being the nastiest trolls
Think whether you feel like continuing or you might benefit from a pause. I stopped OLD totally months ago as MrEx and I resumed our relationship but I realise I would not go back OLD straight if we were to break up again.
It’s really fun until it’s not fun anymore and you start swiping right on guy who are ok ish but don’t rock your boat just to make the numbers…
If you are not feeling it….please stop for a period and take some air

I can’t imagine this person did to you. You must have hurt like hell with his antics but on the bright side you dodged a massive bullet. Imagine having had kids with SOB. Imagine being his por XW…horrific and sustained damage over the years…that is what you AVOIDED.
I am glad you found someone else even though it was a rebound.
This is a new time in your life…don’t let a c#@t ruin your present or your future

Feeling very deflated today . Even though I've had a good weekend .
The app is just depressing me at the moment so I might delete it for a bit

Hope everyone else had a good weekend

Totally understand. Take a break if you need it. MH is more important. Hugs 🤗

Well a deflated update from me too - squeezed a coffee date in yesterday with Mr music. After more pushing/discussing what he's after I got radio silence for rest of day and then a message this morning saying he's in no place to actually date at moment etc etc 🤦‍♀️ my gut was telling me something was off which was why I pushed point

Slothy…why? Why is he in no place to date ?Is he local to you?